Home visit in 2.5hrs

[fledtoscotland]

I'm so nervous/excited. DH is finishing work early. SW wanted to come at 4 to meet BC.

Nice biscuits - tick
Clean logo-free mugs - tick
De-dog haired the house - tick
Zoflora'd every possible surface - tick
Sat in a corner rocking with nerves - tick

Now currently trying to get next essay for my masters written & it isn't going v well

It'll be great. The SW will be lovely and reassuring and you'll be fine.

And it's another step along the road.

Ooh good luck! Remember she/he will want to check every drawer in the house and also will look under the bed for dust and crumbs. They always do this on the first visit

Thankyou pootle.

Merry - my pal in SW wound me up a treat saying we would be marked down as I've not made biscuits myself and they are from Aldi not waitrose. In my heightened anxiety state I fell for it hook line & sinker! Upstairs is tidy & clean but the boys rooms will never be show-home standards

Oh hope it all goes really well - keeping fingers crossed for you.
LOL to the preparations - wonder if being a SW for adoption is like one of those state visits (you know, how the queen only ever smells fresh paint!0 - when everywhere is sparkly clean and biscuits are on tap!!!

Merry - love it! Still laughing!

Best of luck

I'll take the uneaten biscuits off your hands after the visit if you like?

Ha ha Was also going to warn you to clear yourinternet history! But thought you would never believe that!

Merry - I actually did for a split second - before I thought of waitrose and added it to my gullibility list

They've just left. Think it may take longer to find a match because of the dogs ??. Preparation groups won't be til September then it's 4-6 months from end of prep. Slightly annoyed that we've a 3 month wait til prep group

Why will it take longer to find a match because of dogs? We've not had anything like that mentioned to us

That's annoying- we had a 4 month wait but in the end went with a different agency who have managed to fit us in in 2 weeks' time.

Intrigued about the dogs - we have dogs too but they are largely indifferent to small children and are fairly used to them.

They've said that having dogs will make us less attractive to the childrens SW. I thought cos our dogs are used to children it was irrelevant unless allergies or trauma involving an animal such as being bitten etc.

Also our Agency won't open up our profile (if we are approved) to other agencies for 1yr

So looking at the negatives then.

Dogs provide great comfort and companionship to children, especially emotionally troubled ones.

Sad to have that kind of attitude, I mean they keep promoting how open they are to different kinds of people adopting, weight, age, smoking, but maybe having dogs is beyond the pale...

Your agency sounds a bit limiting, have you explored others? We found some really negative and others do welcoming and encouraging.

Fled to Scotland three months will go really fast. We choose to have a three month wait. but it is harder when you don't have a choice.

How many dogs do you have and how big are they? You don't need to answer but this may explain the social workers concerns.

If you are really in Scotland then maybe law is different there, one year with one agency? Is it always like that?

Good luck.

Re the dogs, I sometimes think it is down to the individual SW. Ours was a dog-person, so was sensible about our huge dog. DD's SW was NOT a dog person however FC was fine when we met them.

Sounds very odd to be saying that so early on.

Thankyou everyone

Italian - I've got a German shepherd, a collie and a Lhasa apso - all very used to children. They go up to school daily in addition to children in the family (not just DC). They have all attended dog training classes and I said our vet would be happy to give a reference. I can understand children who have allergies/prev bad experiences

Also she said we would be competing against other adopters for the children.

We are going to contact another agency in the morning

yes, I would definitely shop around for another agency. a year seems ridiculous.

Don't forget that as familiar as your dogs are with children, not all looked after children are familar with dogs or used to behaving kindly or appropriately to animals. It is harder to match children with doggy families simply because fewer children would be suitable for your dogs to live with them.

Haffdonga - why wouldn't children be able to live with dogs? It's a genuine question. I'm aware of allergies etc but obviously the AC would need to be introduced slowly just as any child who has never met them is.

Some children (but of course not all) who have experienced neglect or abuse may act out the sbuse, the frustration, or the pain on an animal or younger sibling who can't 'fight back'. Others can have difficulty moderating their behaviour appropriately e.g. cuddling too hard, picking up by ears or tail despite being taught not to.

My DS is terrified of dogs. For no real reason. He is 3. From speaking to my friends, quite a few children are. It would have been an added stress that my DS could have done without if we had had dogs.

But for some children, the fact you have dogs, could be a massive plus.

Would you agree to re-house one or more of the dogs if required? I know SWs often want APs to be as flexible as possible.

And waiting 1 year before you can be "opened up" to other agencies/ areas sounds ludicrous.

Hels20 - no I wouldn't rehome a dog to get a child. Wouldn't even consider letting an innocent animal lose it's home. I totally get some children are scared but that's when careful introductions come in. I refuse to start to "compete" for children. The SW said that yes ultimately it does depend on if the SW are animal lovers

Afraid have too be open minded regards animals and past FC's history's
have had many FC who have been treated less than the animals locked up with them for day's, one baby slept in cardboard box, BD bought
baby an Alsatian pup, were cooking on a paraffin stove, No food but plenty for the dog's, Some children are very good with animals help's may be if FP's have pets have seen many a child placed with parents with dog's. When it come too matching and animal as I mentioned have too be open minded child may have history.

Fledtoscotland I think the idea of 'competition' is perhaps the wrong way to look at it. But there is an element of 'competition' in reality (in England - or at least our part of England - no idea if different in other areas) family finders are looking for families for children. They are weighing up which family/couple or individual will be 'best' for a child or sibling group. So they (FF) and social workers are making choices for children on the information they have.

Of course, as they are humans, they will be being influenced by their own feelings etc but hopefully as professionals they will be able to put the needs of the children first and work out which children would be comfortable around animals etc or which may not be suitable. I only heard of one child with an allergy who would not be comfortable in a family with pets.

Some kids would love dogs and love to join a family with pets.

All the things you said about dog training classes and vet would be happy to give a reference are all great and will hopefully convey what your dogs are like. My friend just adopted with a dog and has young children.

We got a kitten part-way through the adoption process and my big fear before ds moved in was that he would somehow not be able to live alongside the cat! He is fine with the cat and my fears were unfounded but I did think about it.

So, I am sure you know but just be aware that, although it is totally understandable for you not to want to re-home an animal before you have been matched in the adoption process, social workers may ask you what you would do if you adopted and then there was a problem between your child/one of your children and one of your dogs. They might ask this and they would expect you to put the needs of the child before the dog. I am sure this is obvious and I really do not mean to be upsetting to say this. It is just good to think about this before it is asked (if it is asked).