Bit worried

[Catlover2014]

Sorry for starting a new thread but I'm not sure if people saw my post on newbies.

DH and I are considering adoption and it's struck me that there could be a reason to be refused....

10 years ago I had a police caution for forging my train pass. I had recently gratuated and was working in the city on pittance. I couldn't afford to renew the train pass until payday, which was later that week, and I thought I could get through it for a few days.

I know it was a very very stupid thing to do and I regret it so so much. Looking back I don't know why I didn't ask my parents for help but I wanted them to feel proud of me for living independently.

Also does anyone know if DH having epilepsy and me suffering with anxiety due to infertility would impact on an application?

Xx

The only criminal offences that Definitely rule you our are against children

Other offences and medical issues are considered individually

Good luck !

Hello, and welcome! I seriously doubt there are any "perfect adopters", and that's not who social workers are looking for anyway - medical issues will be discussed during your assessment, and there will be a medical. The emphasis is likely to be on how any condition is managed, and what impact it has on everyday life. Unless a long-term condition is severe, life-limiting or life-threatening, my guess is that it wouldn't affect your assessment.

Your caution is ten years old. Naturally, you'll want to disclose it, and everyone has a "CRB check" (not called that any more but you know what I mean). I am not a professional, but a very old caution for an offence not related to violence etc, would seem to me to be a subject for discussion, but not a reason to rule you out.

The purpose of the assessment is to get to know you, your attitudes, and how you reflect on and learn from challenges. Everybody has things they worry will be seen as obstacles, but a lot of it will be about how you show you handle those problems.

How stable is your husbands epilepsy? And how anxious are you? I guess the answer to those questions will determine the answer to the adoption question. In themselves they are not things that would necessarily prevent you from adoption but it would depend on the degree. Good luck.

Kristina, thanks for that. Hopefully they would give us a chance. It was such a stupid thing I did. I can't believe it could cost me my dream of being a mummy :(

Polkadot, as you say no one is perfect. We have lots of love, stability and maturity to provide so I hope that will count in our favour. We have a great marriage, lovely friends, nice house and are both from happy families.

Merry, my anxiety is much better these days. I've worked hard, learnt yoga and had cognitive behavioural therapy to help me think positive. I've never taken medication but have in the past been very emotional about infertility. My husband has been fit free for three years and he is not currently under a consultant. He is only borderline epilepsy and is not medicated. Do you think they would want a report from his former consultant?

Xx

Hi catlover, just wanted to say that I think every potential adopter has something they become afraid could be a deal breaker in their past - so try not to fixate or worry. The key is how you respond to adversity and issues and the fact you have taken positive steps to address your anxiety is a good thing.
Good luck!

Thanks Prumarth. I do hope we would get through the process irrespective of our faults. Just have to wait and see and do everything we can in the mean time to prove we're serious!! X

I honestly can't see a problem catlover but obviously it's not my decision I've a medical condition and in my assessment the consultant provided a letter at my request but I don't think sw would have asked for it. They are guided by the medic who receives a report from your GP (in our LA anyway).

I don't think they will be interested in your caution!

Everyone is emotional about infertility, I wouldn't worry about that bit. Many people come to adoption after infertility issues, SW are very used to dealing with it and hopefully they will be very tactful .

The fact that you have been very self directed about dealing with your anxiety will stand you in good stead. Adoption is very stressful and you will be able to use the techniques that you have leaned in your yoga and CBT to get you through.

I think you need to see these experiences as more of a strength -you have faced these challenges in your lives and it's made you stronger, you've leaned to support each other, used positive coping techniques, worked with professionals etc etc

Presumably you had to adjust you lifestyle to cope with your health issues eg DH not driving when he was having fits. So you would be prepared to change your family routine if it didn't meet the needs of a child .

catlover2014 I had anxiety, treated by talking therapy (CBT) about 15 years ago and I also had years of secondary infertility and counselling for that.

My newly placed little boy is asleep upstairs.

I don't think you have anything to worry about on that score, just be honest and show how you have over come and learnt from past situations The train pass thing (I don't think should be a problem) how sad for you to go through all that.

As far as your husbands medical goes I don't know but just be open and honest etc (IMHO).

All the best.

PS Yes, always good to start a new thread if you don't get the replies you need.

Merry, thanks for your kind reply. We are both otherwise fit and healthy, very active people who love to walk and get outdoors. In fact we are taking a friend's child (who is adopted ironically) to an archery lesson on Saturday. I can't wait hehe!!!

Kristina, yes I've learnt a lot and it has made me a stronger person. Thank you for suggesting I see that process as a strength. I will work on it more and try to formulate that mind set. We have achieved lots! DH can drive again but didn't for the first year and we coped. We always been very flexible people and in fact we share the work on caring for my elderly grandpa at the moment.

Greyhound, congrats on getting your little boy!!!! How old is he? So good to hear you overcame your anxiety and went on to adopt. You've certainly inspired me :)

Thanks all for being so lovely!!!! X

My little boy is three.

Awwww what a lovely age :) x