New to board - starting out adoption

[oldnewmummy]

Hi everyone

Just wanted to introduce myself.

After 16 years of marriage and it never feeling quite "right" to have a child, it suddenly did. We've always liked the idea of adoption, and giving a child a chance for a better life, and so are starting out on the adoption "journey".

This is all complicated by the fact that we live in Singapore. The good news is that the Home Study stuff seems to be a lot quicker and more straightforward, the bad news is that we can't source a child through UK social services as we're non-resident, and we can't source from some countries via Singapore as we're not Singaporean. And there are many "hoops" to jump through to get the child a UK passport at the end of it (possibly the most complicated bit).

Currently trying to decide between India and Thailand, India having the advantage that there are lots of Indians in Singapore and an Indian school that the child could attend to learn the language etc.

Very, very excited, but also sometimes terrified, but I imagine that's normal. Will be quite a shock to the system after so many years of "freedom", but can't wait.

Reading lots of books, and trying to prepare for but not be freaked out by the potential problems.

SueJonez: great to hear that you're so close to getting your child, and will be following your ongoing story with interest.

Welcome to Mumsnet - sounds very exciting! I'm sure you'll be on her a lot as your journey continues...

*on here, not on her

Don;t worry too much about getting a child a passport at the end, provided you've doneeverything sensibly (getting proper home study done, following proper channels etc) i don;t think it will be that difficult. particularly if the child lives with you for a while before you return to the UK. Are you going to return to the UK?

I beleive Thailand has a quota systme and there is quite a long wait for a child (don;t know the situation if you adopt from another Asian Country) and some orphanages in India can be difficult about parentws of non-indian origin adopting (assuming you are). Another country to consider is Nepal as I know some people who have been succesful there whilst living abroad.

Obviously speak to the British Embassy once you get started and get their advice on nationality etc. Once possibility (maybe?) is that you bring the child back to the UK and readopt here after 6 months - then you just need an entry visa from the Embassy. Don;t know you're situation so don;t know if that possible.

You will get freaked out about the potential problems because they are scary. But try to remember that very few (if any) of the children have ALL of the problems and often you will cope just fine with one or two of them very well particularly if you're looking out for them and can catch them early. Some of the more common problems like attachement and bonding are very successfully treated with perserverence.

Good luck - I found making the decision and taking the first steps so exciting.

what age/sex are you looking for?

grief that post is just riddled with typos! Apologies.

Ideally a girl, 6 months to a year, so that the attachment/language issue is not too unmanageable. But not too worried if it's a boy or a little bit older.

No, we're not Indian, so we're way down the priority list. I need to find out which country is quickest. Social Services here seems to think you can almost "do it yourself" for India/Thailand, so I'm putting out feelers here to see if anyone has managed to source an orphanage baby privately.

Hoping if done via orphanage passport issue should be OK. However met a woman last week who'd adopted privately from Indonesia. Has had her daughter for 18 months, but Home Office keeps rejecting passport application as they don't accept the baby was abandoned (even though they have letters etc from birth parents).

IIRC India is all about finding an orphanage who will work with you, I don't think their system is centralised so may be your best option. I think if you look into it you with find Thailand much longer. Look for a yahoo group for parents adopting from india, thailand and nepal (determined to make you consider Nepal!), they would be most helpful. What you are asking about is "independent" adoption ie without the help of an agency. You can ask if anyone has succefully managed, would give you an idea.

India definitely has more girls available but I don;t know about ages. Most countries insist that thechildren are on the domestic register for a time 6-12 months usually.

You should also consider joining yahoo group UKAO (UK adoption overseas) as although mostly people are UK based, there are some non-UK residents there and they also have a wealth of information.

yes I can see issue with letters from parens if you do it privately - to be honest anyone could have written them!

Ok,thanks, I'll look into those. I seem to remember someone (but can't remember who, maybe Singapore Soc Services?) say they had some issue with Nepal, but can't remember.

A shame really, would have been a good excuse for a trip to Katmandu!

hi olnewmummy and welcoem to mumsnet.

just a FYI - I think its pretty hard to get a child under about a year in most countries, as sue says

you have to live with the child in the Uk for a year ( not 6 months) befroe a court here can grant an adoption order

even if you do it all "properly" it can take a long time to get a british passport. i knwo a family who have waited 5 years!

teh authorties here can be very VERY difficult about adoption abroad. make sure you get the very best advice

Rules changed in Jan Kristine - you can now apply to adopt after 6 months provided you have been preapproved.

woudl that not only apply of oldnewmummy was pre approved by a Uk agency?

pleased to hear you are coping so well with all the delays