Name issues

[Lilka]

Two children with name issues at the same time! Can I ask what you make of it?

DS has been wanting to drop his second middle name for months and months, and lately he's asked several times. He's quite adamant about it now. I've been waiting these past months to see whether this was a temporary or likely to be a sustained want, because I don't want to be changing names back and forth. But I'm think I've reached the conclusion that I'm going to let him change it and drop it. I've not found this an easy conclusion to come to - it's his birth name and I know this has been caused by all the birth family issues we've been having. I'm sad by the complete rejection of everything associated with his birth family, even contact with his other adopted birth siblings. The name is the next step. Nor am I happy with forcing him to have a name he doesn't want and doesn't like, especially since I let the DD's have choice over their names when they were about his age.

So overall I've decided that I'll let him drop it. Which raised another issue - just have the one middle name, he doesn't want to do this because nearly everyone in the family has 2 middle names, including both his sisters and DGD1 (DGD2 only has one, but it sounds like two names). having one would make him 'different' from the rest of the family.

So today I asked "What do you want to pick as your new name?" and he's saying "you pick one". Clearly he's desperate to be as much like a birth child of mine as possible (as in, parents pick the names) which I'm also sad about because none of my children are less or more mine because I picked or didn't pick their names.

So we're both standing here saying "you pick the name" and I need a compromise. He needs to really like his new middle name and feel comfortable with it, I need to know that he does, so I refuse to just select a name and say 'this is it'. He's determined to have a name that cements him in this family. Compromise suggestions?

Also, I can't say this to him but I can have a minute to be sad about all this. I'm sure many of you will understand

Kew When DD1 married, she refused to drop her/my surname, so she double barelled and she put her husbands name first and her/my name last in the order, which I think is unusual. True that I could point out to DD2 that triple barelling is a bit excessive!!

Perhaps you're right and DD2 would like a 'get out' clause in the form of me disapproving, and the serious hassle of form filling and spelling

I'll try and have a conversation with her in the next couple of days and point these things out to her re. forms and spelling, maybe find a way to 'forbid' without actually saying it like that (perhaps in terms of good/not good choices)

The downside to 'forbidding' DD is that I've already fielded one phone call basically acccusing me of being abusive, not liking the idea of another one. If I see her number, I'm not answering, nada.

Just thought I'd let you know that my DS has a new middle name!! Which was 75% picked by me, and 25% him, which was as much compromise as he was willing to make. Which we've put as his first middle name, and his other current middle name will go second

It was my Dad's first name

DS is really happy and excited He rang mum up to tell her and when she heard the name she cried on the phone! Which was the same reaction I had when DD1 told me that DGD1's middle name was going to be my name, to be fair! Only wish Dad was still here to hear it as well

So it was definitely the right decision to make.

When DD1 and little GD's come round tomorrow, she's bringing a lovely surprise cake with his new full name iced on the top. He'll be so happy with that

In the midst of interesting conversations with DD2. She is very unimpresed with the idea of writing out a long surname over and over again

This is such a lovely story just want to know the name now!

Oh, my eyes have filled too. What lovely children you have and how nice for your DM.

Result, Lilka, I'm so pleased. Well done you for negotiating such a successful outcome.

And LOL at DD. Laziness wins with day with teenagers ......

It does indeed

Thank you all! The suggestions were really helpful to me

Obviously I can't say the name here, but to be honest if anyone made a list of the most popular names of my Dad's generation, it would be on there! When it comes to names, my family are not adventurous in the slightest. My girls and granddaughters have the most unusual names of the family!

I'll tell you how he reacts to the cake later. He'll love it I tell you, we've got little edible star wars cake topper figures leftover from his birthday to put on top (he seriously loves Star Wars)

Your family are SO lovely, Lilka.

I go away from this board for a few days and a multiple name drama unfolds....and then resolved v nicely!

I'd ask to see a photo of the cake - but then of course we'd see the name

Yeah, I can't put up cake photos I'm afraid, but I'll PM you the name Devora

It wasn't you know, a masterpiece of decoration, just a nice and very yummy chocolate cake with the name in red and green icing and Star Wars figures standing on it. My family are many things, but we aren't master bakers and decorators of finest cakery (there's a nice word I just made up!)

He still absolutely loved it though It'll be totally devoured by the end of tomorrow!!

And thank you Devora yes, I am blessed to have such supportive and lovely close family. Mum has her ways, but she's always doted on her grandchildren and great-grandchildren, totally accepted them as absolutely her own and taken great pride in their achievements, DD1 is such a kind and loving sister, and I appreciate from hearing other families stories how lucky I am to have this

It's a lovely name

Ha ha, Lilka, I remember your kids names and I can guess your dad's name. You are covering all the bases there, from traditional to modern