Reverse psychology

[Italiangreyhound]

One of my friends has a child who is quite rejecting and does not always want to do what is asked, e.g. give a hug etc. They do reverse psychology on him, they say 'Don't give your brother a hug etc' and he does it! He does it with a smile and it almost seems as if he knows it is a game and it is actually kind of giving him an excuse to hug without losing 'face' of being too affectionate!

Has anyone else encountered this?

What do you think?

I worry he might end up doing the opposite of anything asked but he is not at school yet and I would imagine it will wear off.

Yep - we have noticed this in the early days. So when DS is especially rejecting DH has actually said 'nope I don't want a hug from you', and he then really wants to give him one. It does sometimes work with other things too.

My cousins little boy does the same (BC); his mum will say 'noooo I don't want your kisses' and he will then give her lots.

Sorry posted too soon! I think it is like losing face, as DS used to cling to my back for closeness, it was almost like he didn't want to admit he wanted to be close, so being on my back allowed him to do that - as he likely thought I had no idea what he was doing. (sorry I know that's slightly different!)

Not different, Buster I think it sounds exactly the same! So sounds like a good idea for a child who isn't too sure of expressing affection, maybe?

Personally don't think I'd use this technique in am adopted child who is likely not secure in their parents love for them, depends on their attachment style and how long they've been placed. If children aren't giving affection the most important thing for them to learn from am attachment point of view is that parents love them despite attempts to push them away. Letting a Much better to give them alternative methods, with ds it was a long time before he would willingly give hugs / kisses so we invented nose kisses, think Eskimo kiss, as a less threatwning option and tried to narrate for him u.e you look like you want to give mummy a hug but but maybe that's a bit scary so let's try a high five / back pat etc. Then do something to get eye contact I.e silly faces, nose beep etc. Real patents real children has a good section I think in building affection. Ds is now super affectionate with us btw but does struggle with family members who force the issue, not with my db who did what we suggested and let ds come to him... Ds will willingly rub to him to give his etc. Good luck

Ahhh phone typos... Hope you get the idea of what I'm saying.

I Agree cosmos I haven't used this technique for affection with DS (although DH has a handful of times!) like you say it is likely because he doesn't feel comfortable in doing so but I still let him know cuddles are there if he wants them! we spent many months with me just carrying him around on my back. He seems to love cuddles etc now but didn't for a long time. I perhaps think not using reverse psychology with an adopted child but letting them believe they're 'not' giving you affection, but are doing so in a way they feel comfortable. I hope that makes sense!!