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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Adoption

adoption post IVF/with one BC? advice please?

9 replies

koalaDevon · 05/05/2014 14:06

Hi, I've been reading through many of the adoption threads as I'm new to this and trying to learn the ropes.

We have one dd aged 2, conceived through IVF. I've had two further failed IVF treatments this year which failed. I don't want to do further IVF, but I'd love to adopt (it's something I've always wanted to do).

Would we struggle to adopt due to dd young age? Is it hard to adopt a baby/1yo in the UK as I think that's what the agencies would suggest rather than placing a dc older than our dd?

Would agencies dislike our recent IVF, despite us stating we don't want any further IVF treatments?

Finally, would I be allowed to continue my part-time (3 days per week) job as an adopter, or do I need to stay at home? I'd be happy to quit my job if necessary, finances not an issue.

Thanks!

OP posts:

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Italiangreyhound · 05/05/2014 14:39

Hi koalaDvon welcome and sorry to hear your treatment cycle failed.

I could have written your post 7 years ago. In fact I sort of did about 4 years ago...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/956884-Looking-into-adoption-after-IVF

Recent IVF - You will be asked to wait at least 6 months from your last IVF treatment. This is normal and what you will need to do to be sure you are really finished with it.

I said I was when DD was 5 but to be honest I was not and went away and we had another two cycles and came back when DD was 7. Yes two cycles with donor eggs ended up taking two years because I had to be on a waiting list and have 6 months clear of treatment at the end, and it all adds up.

Your dd's age - There may well be someone on here who has a two year old and goes through the process, in my day they wanted an existing child to be 4 or 5. However, now things are a bit more open and once you wait 6 months because of IVF and go through the 6 month process your dd will be at least 3 so you would be eligible to take a child up to 1 year (I think).

Adopting an older child - You will almost certainly not be able to adopt a child older than your dd and even if you are offered this as an option just about every person (on here) will advise against it. See here for more on that topic...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/2060442-Surprised

Work - IMHO (and experience) you will almost certainly be able to work part time but will of course need to work out when it is right to go back. Normally, you would be advise to take a year off, that is what I am doing.

Thanks

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koalaDevon · 05/05/2014 14:45

Italian thanks very much! I agree that it would be betterTo try to adopt a younger child than dd. I would definitely take a year off too. So glad it's worked out for you.

OP posts:

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Whatutalkinboutwillis · 05/05/2014 21:42

Worked out for us too, 6 Ivf with 1 birth child. We waited 6 month after last failed Ivf to get started our ds was 6. We did have people on our prep course with a 3 year old though who now have their new child too.

I intend to go back to work 3 days a week when my adoption leave is over. We adopted a 2 year old but there was lots younger waiting. Our friends from prep group adopted a 11 month old.

Nothing you have said will be a issue as long as you have truly left the Ivf behind and are ready to move on. Good luck

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UnderTheNameOfSanders · 05/05/2014 21:43

We too came to adoption via IVF.
I thought I was ready after 6 months, but DH wasn't.
A year later we started the process and I was so much more ready by then.
I suggest you enjoy your DD for a while, maybe do reading up on adoption. There is no rush.
Best wishes.
(7 years ago we adopted 2 sisters).

Thanks

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Italiangreyhound · 05/05/2014 22:32

Certainly second the fact that I was so much more ready when DD was older. I first asked about adoption when she was 2 and told no back then, but things are changing all the time.

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MoJangled · 05/05/2014 23:33

It's worth having an early chat with your local authority or whoever you're considering adopting through. Mine were unwilling to let us start the process until my DS had turned 3, but I don't know how universal that is. Good luck!

Thanks

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koalaDevon · 06/05/2014 20:39

Thanks all, very useful! I live in London and ideally would like a child who's the same ethnicity as me and dd (white) and no serious health issues as I don't want existing dd to have to commit to care when I die.

Do you know if that's realistic? I understand lots of adopted children need lots of love and support, which I feel suited to as a volunteer counselor in my spare time.

OP posts:

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Italiangreyhound · 06/05/2014 22:34

koalaDevon I do not know what London is like (said in a yokel country accent). However, one thing I would say is that a lot of adoption agencies in part of London do seem to have a high proportion of mixed ethnicity or mixed heritage children based on what I have hear anecdotally and from the demographics seem at a exchange event in London.

So having said this whichever bit of London you are in I would ask what the demographic is for your area. Most agencies will want to place children with parents who reflect their heritage so it is best to explore this (IMHO) before you spend a lot of time chatting etc to the local county or agency or whatever. So just find out what they say.

Also if you go to the counties at the edge of your bit of London you will probably find a very different demographic. When I did live in London a one-hour journey was really considered nothing at all and from most bits of London if you drive to the edges of London for an hour you will soon be in a different county.

I am pretty sure from what I have read and seen so far that not all children have the kind of needs that would be considered 'serious health issues' but as you know they will have 'issues' from things they have experienced, from drugs or alcohol etc, from genetic factors etc - so you should find out the kind of children awaiting adoption in all the areas you are interested in.

Good luck.

Thanks

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PheasantPlucker · 07/05/2014 11:45

Hi OP, you might find that you need to 'shop around' the London boroughs to be taken on as - as Italian points out - the LA will generally want the child being adopted to reflect the heritage of the family adopting him or her/vice versa. We were turned down straight away by about 4 local boroughs as they were not recruiting white adopters at that time. We were taken on by a neighbouring borough, who trained us, approved us, and matched us with a daughter within 6 months of approval. (I know we are very lucky, I never forget that)
Good luck on yor decision and journey