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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.


Something to think about

10 replies

MuchToThinkAbout · 05/04/2014 21:33

Testing name change.

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MuchToThinkAbout · 05/04/2014 21:39

Siblings at preschool up for adoption. They are friends with my DD and lately I've been saying hello to one of them as they always come up and greet and wave bye with my Dd. This child's smile brightens up the room. I feel I'm starting to connect with her..feel like I should look into adopting them myself and then think I'm being silly. Not the same race and only have one spare room not two. But my heart aches for them as they watch all the other mummies come and get their children. I can see how lost they feel could see it at the Mother's Day activity and went over and asked them to join us. Is this wrong of me? She called me mummy bye mummy she said..and I wonder how can the world be so cruel and at the same time I'm hoping she gets her mummy real soon

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MuchToThinkAbout · 05/04/2014 21:40

The other sibling is very sweet keeps to themself mostly. I don't actually know what I'm asking this has been troubling me for weeks can't sleep some nights guess I just wanted to get it out

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Italiangreyhound · 05/04/2014 21:43

Are these children the same age as your DD?

MuchToThinkAbout · 05/04/2014 21:45

No there's a year and a halfs difference between the youngest and mine and two years with the eldest

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Lilka · 05/04/2014 21:50

It is very sad, it is heartbreaking Sad

I don't think you were wrong to invite them over

I undertand that you wonder about adopting them yourself, and why wouldn't you wonder about it when confronted with this situation, but, and i say this kindly, I really don't think it's possible or a great idea. They would need to be in a family where they are the youngest by at least 2 years. The way the little girl called you mummy does suggest she has additional emotional needs. 2 children with additional needs and your own DD the same age would be very difficult

I hope they can find a good family soon as well

Sadly it's much harder to find homes for children who aren't white

Italiangreyhound · 05/04/2014 21:53

If you feel you want to explore it by all means do but prepare yourself for possible heartache in that normally there is at least 2 years between adopted children and any existing children, also if they are in foster care locally it may mean their birth parents are local and the plan may be to adopt them in a further away part of your county. Also, if they are a different race to you and your family this may be an issue. However, if you want to enquire, why not ask. But do not say anything to your children or anyone else locally, I am sure you will not.

You do not say if you are married/with a partner, how they feel or if you have spoken about it, whether you have other kids, whether you can afford to take a year or at least 6 months of adoption leave.

Please do not say all these things as it may identify you, I am just saying there is a lot to think about. Also if you have one child and adopt two more the existing child might feel a bit overwhelmed! If you already have two or more it would be fine or if you had ne and adopted one but adopting two into a home with one child is a lot of change.

Maybe this has stirred in you an interest in adoption or fostering or respite care. Whatever it is I would explore it tentatively, but with a recognition that it may well not be for these children. My interest in adoption was stirred by a 6 year old boy in Romania 25 years ago. he would be about 30 now!

Italiangreyhound · 05/04/2014 21:54

Cross-posted with Lilka!

AcrossthePond55 · 05/04/2014 22:04

I understand the mum in you reaching out & wanting to help, but you aren't considering separating the siblings, are you?

If you are seriously considering adopting both of them, I'd suggest talking to your DP first. If he/she is on board, then perhaps a discussion with their case worker would be in order?

I will say that if you are not planning on adopting these children, you should find a kind way of discouraging them from calling you mummy.

Yes, this world can be a cruel place for children whose parents either don't want them or are unfit to care for them. I was once one of those children, myself.

MuchToThinkAbout · 06/04/2014 08:39

Ah thank you for your replies I have another Dd who is 8. But I know deep down it wouldn't be possible as much as I would like to. I think they will need to be adopted to way. I am looking into the possibility of foster care as this has really made me think about what I am doing with my life. They are so beautiful I really hope they are adopted soon.

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Italiangreyhound · 06/04/2014 16:47

Sounds good. Maybe this has stirred something in you to want to help.

Remember they will not all be beautiful, well behaved either. If you have had experience of two already you may well have brilliant skills for fostering.

Good luck.

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