Nervous - but here goes. Adopting as a single parent?

[approaching40notmarried]

Hi :)

I am mid-thirties.

I have certainly always wanted to be a parent but am forced to admit time is running out a bit for me to meet someone and have biological children with them.

Adoption seems a logical step in some ways - you know people say "oh why don't you adopt?" I'm not "one of those" people! I do think I'd like to adopt, though. So, some questions:

1. As a single mum, I'd like to adopt a girl, or girls (I would adopt two siblings.) Would this be a problem? I just don't honestly feel as a woman on my own I could meet a boy's needs.

1. I am comfortable but pinched - I earn a modest salary and it's entirely enough for me but a stretch for a family. Enough for a wet weekend in Wales but not much else!

1. I own my home - it's three bed with a garden - but small. A terrace. I'm guessing this would be OK?

1. I have no family support. Also, I'd have to work full time - would this be a problem?

What does terrify me is having so many aspects of my life turned over and uncovered.

Any thoughts?

we've all been over sensitive at times 40 (ignoring Polka), it's such hardened old hags now that we've forgotten we ever felt that way... until we feel that way again and need our esteemed fellow adoption MN'ers to be kind to us (glares at Polka)

Kew: busted.

Don't feel got at, OP. Things can get a bit intense here sometimes, but its a very supportive place. Just tell the old hags to back off a bit if its not working for you.

Hi approaching, just wanted to say: please dobt feel picked on.
a year before we decided to start the adoption process I came on here (under a different name to this and my last name) and asked for advice as I thought I was ready. People told me that I wasn't (some harshly, some more.....brusqly ) I felt a bit battered about it but they were right I wasn't ready. I'm not saying whether you are ready or not. only you can make that decision. However, the pointa that people make on here are coming from experiences they've had of the process akd that is invaluable.
people on here are absolutely lovely and so supportive. last week ibwas feeling miserable and picked on by someone else and the support I had was just wonderful.
keep at it, we are all here to help.

oh god I meant some not harshly!

Hi there

Another single adopter checking in here :)
Your salary is pretty much what I was earning pre adoption.
I work part time now. Tax credits help to cover a lot of my childcare costs, so you may well be quite surprised at what you will be entitled to to be honest.
I had a string pull to have a girl. So long as you are able to justify your reasons you should be fine, but I have many friends who have changed their minds at some point throughout the process. I was grilled a fair bit about my reasons which are similar to yours actually.
An adoption assessment IS intrusive by its nature. Essentially your assessing social worker will want to be assured that you have what it takes to parent a vulnerable child, so they will want to know as much about you as they can.

Hi there op. I think your questions are great and will help other people researching adoption, too; they are just the things I wondered about leading up to adoption.

For what it's worth...
Adoption was my first choice. As a single woman I didn't want to use donor sperm (anonymous or otherwise) and didn't want a relationship. Sws didn't have any issues with that.

I've found the last six months since dd moved in incredibly trying and have questioned what the bloody hell I've done to my life and whether I'm the mummy she deserves, but I wouldn't ever change it and don't regret it. Life is never dull and I've met the most lovely people along the way. It's also separated the wheat from the chaff with my friends.

I have a teeny family but what's been interesting is how dd has cherry picked from my friends who she wants as her family and we now have aunties and uncles who aren't blood rellies but definitely make our family. My little girl has changed so many people's lives and brought us all together. Does that help with your worries about lack of family?

Everyone thought I'd want a boy but I realised how much people gender stereotype. I've got my dd because of what I could offer her and some of her issues mean she probably couldn't easily be placed with a man. I am completely out of my depth with the pink sparkly stuff but I can meet her needs arising from her early life very well. So perhaps start off stating to sw that you'd like a girl but that you understand it's about whose needs you can best meet, regardless of sex.

As for money. Be prepared to commit financial suicide. Ha! 40k sounds very respectable but I don't know how much child care costs so can't comment on that I'm afraid.

I hope that helps in some way. Maybe your next step could be to book into a couple of information evenings?