How long for huncker down and batton down the hatches?

[Italiangreyhound]

I know you cannot possibly answer this for our pre-school child to be but can you for your own child?

How long for huncker down and batton down the hatches?

Also, once you did start to 'socialise' did you find toddler groups were OK? What about having people with kids over or going to their house, is it easier to meet people on home turf or not?

Thanks so much.

PS Social worker didn't say only a month she said at least a month.

Top tip for bonding? Just spend time together. A newborn is easy because you would hold them most of the time they were awake and everytime you fed them, possibly also including skin to skin contact. An active toddler doesn't normally need that, but if you think about it being Day Zero for your relationship you see you need to try to replicate it.

At least that's my excuse for spending literally hours on the sofa with DD on my lap watching Peppa (she had to be on my lap but facing away from me - it was much later that she started to wriggle back and snuggle up for cuddles)

Families thanks, sitting on the sofa watching Peppa, I can handle that!

Think if I have some idea of structure it will help me!

I mean it won't be like a rota, it will be a list and I will make a note on it of what we do and when so I can see if we have too much of one thing and not enough of another!

So far I have got.....

In alphabetical order

cars (play)
make a garden trail with clues (together for big sis who is at school)
painting or craft time (together, making a card or something for daddy who is at work and for big sis who is at school)
puppet play
sitting on the sofa watching Peppa and the like
small play (figures/teddies/animals etc etc)
story time (me reading)
swimming - good for skin to skin - once a week if there is a toddler swim or mats and balls etc
train set (play)
trampoline time (him not me!)
visit local library to borrow books
visit local park
visit local pond to see ducks
walking to local cafe for a drink and a cake
walking to local shops for one or two items from shops

What do I need to include aside from breakfast/lunch/dinner/snacks and drinks, baths and sleep?

I have started a new thread, if you want to contribute any ideas, please post here or go to

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/2016655-Filling-our-day-in-a-bonding-way

Thanks so much.

Hi,
Just seen your answer italiangreyhound! To reply it was just both DH and I that funnelled. Lots of good advice you have been given.

Play doh. You can make your own too

Water play aka washing the dishes and cleaning the bathroom

Baking, cooking

Doing the laundry -sorting into colours, pairing socks, sorting clean clothes into piles for each family member

Do you walk your DD to school or to the bus stop? Or take her in the car? That will be a little trip out each morning and afternoon.

Can your DH come home from work a bit earlier? Perhaps by working through lunch, taking work home or going in earlier? That way he can spend more time at night with the children. It will be hard on your DD at first, as she gets used to having to share your attention when she comes in from school and there is only one of you and two children vying for your attention. Some one on one from dad would help a lot

Thanks so much.

Kristina and anyone, at what point can my Dh be in charge of LO? How long. I know know KNOW* you will all say you don't know! But generally, if I am main care giver how long before DH can be in soul charge of LO?

My main concern is my Taekwan-do! Now before you all think I am utterly selfish, it is the only real fitness thing I do for me and I am happy to miss it but I'd quite like to get back to it as quickly as I can (because the longer I don't go the more utterly useless I will become).

I have two options, one that starts after tea and is local and he other further away and later at night. my gut feeling is it is better for LO to know I go and that I go and come back rather than the idea that I creep out while he is asleep!

Thoughts, anyone, please?

Ps it is an hour class and the local early one means I am away for well under an hour and a half. The further away one would take me away for more like two hours and if I needed to get back in a hurry would be harder.

Italian, my dd (aged 3) loves anything to do with water so we wash windows, wash the car, water flowers etc. Hattley do waterproof trousers so she wears those, her wellies and a raincoat and she's good to go in any weather. I'm sure the neighbours think we're mad but it really makes her happy. i'm sure it's therapeutic for her.

I'd also second the recommendation of skin to skin contact if he'll allow it. DD wouldn't take a bath with me but has done showers with me, not quite from the beginning but almost. She allowed me to hold her in the water stream.

(Mind you, dd still sleeps in my bed and dh is in the boxroom two years later so you might not want to heed what I say )

Italian, I don't think anyone would say you are selfish to take an hour for yourself each week. Keeping up your exercise is vital for your health and probably your sanity. Especially something so absorbing, you will find it a great stress reliever I'm sure

I think you just have to see how it goes with DS. Obviously the more time he can spend with dad, the quicker he will be happy being left with him. It also depends how quickly he bonds with DD I think, my younger children are reassured when their older siblings are there

Thanks lovely ladies.

Can I ask one more thing! Be honest! If I crack and go to a toddler group for an hour will it put bonding back, irretrievably derail things or make no massive difference? Be honest please and I know you can't know but you can guess!!!

Hi Italian... its obvious you are very organised and think things through which is fab...

However.. I'd advise to get to know your LO first and then trust your gut instinct.. you WILL know WHEN the time is RIGHT...

You need to have all of these plans/activities ready & able to employ and to take the lead...

I love toddler groups... it hasn't always been easy.. but the change in LO is amazing... the confidence, the independence is monumental.. but I would never had done this too early... don't throw them in the deep end to avoid climbing walls...

I guess its how quickly you do this, how settled LO is, how much you interact with them when they are there or sit on your phone like the 'others'...

You can only do so much planning in advance... my humble advice is to do as you are doing... think things through... have 'ideas', but to get to know your LO and then YOU will be best placed to decide..

Trust yourself!! x

excitedmamma I do like think things through but I am not sure I am organised, you should see my house! Thank you, I will trust my own judgement, although I am pretty nervous about my ability to know if a child has really bonded well with me or not! It feels like a whole new world!

I just wonder if I can get a handle on how long I will be in lock down, and how quickly my DH will be able to look after him based on what other people's experience is. Of course if everyone else said a long time or short time it would make me think I may be the same! But if evidence is that it is not that case for us then I would do what felt right.