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Adoption

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Original poster

Questions you were asked at approval panel

25 replies

MrsBW · 15/02/2014 11:16

Hi all

I'm trying to gather a list of all the questions that people have been asked at approval panel in order to better prepare ourselves.

If you don't mind sharing, would you tell me what you were asked?

Many thanks

OP posts:

Inthebeginning · 15/02/2014 11:25

we were asked to explain our garden (joint access) about how useful I found counselling for anxiety, about a relationship we have with an adopted family member and if any relatives had gone on the friends and family course. And that was it!

Inthebeginning · 15/02/2014 11:26

forgot to mention, our social worker guessed 2 out of 4 of them already after writing par so they should be able to help.

Hels20 · 15/02/2014 11:57

We were asked how I would manage from being a career woman to a stay at home mum, what we would do for "fun" with our child and I can't remember the third question. But we were given a heads up before we went in that these would be the questions!

MyFeetAreCold · 15/02/2014 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Happiestinwellybobs · 15/02/2014 16:51

We were asked how we had found the process, about a medical condition that cropped up at our medical, about our gender preference and about how we would handle any issues that may arise from our dog being kicked off the number 1 child spot.

Italiangreyhound · 15/02/2014 18:16

The questions we were asked were:

One about our birth DD and how we thought she would cope and/or how we had prepared her (think we both answered that);

One about the fact that we are Christians, how would we feel if our child ended up not wanting to be a Christian (I said we would treat our adopted child like our birth child and whether to following our faith would be their own choice, my DH chipped in a bit too);

One about a tablet I am on for a medical condition by the medical person (which was an odd question as not relevant to anything!);

and finally

One for DH I think they asked about how my husband would feel going back to work etc and me being at home with new child, and about making time in our lives for the child etc - I am not sure what they asked or why but I vaguely think it was about making sure he did not feel left out, which he doesn't! (which DH answered on his own).

Italiangreyhound · 15/02/2014 18:18

MrsBW it's getting closer! Good, luck, have everything crossed for you.

FamiliesShareGerms · 15/02/2014 18:23

Something about how we had found the process.

Something about our experiences of adoption / adoptees.

Something about our son and how he would cope with having a sibling.

I'm sure there was something more, but they were all reasonable questions, no real surprises.

Original poster

MrsBW · 15/02/2014 18:53

Thank you all - please keep them coming if you can, it's really helping.

Hi Italian , hope you are well and keeping sane while playing your waiting game. Hoping for news for you very soon.

OP posts:

NanaNina · 15/02/2014 19:25

MrsBW - I am a retired sw/tm mgr of a Fostering & Adoption team (30 years experience in all) and my advice is to stop worrying and trying to "second guess" what you might be asked. You must have noticed a lot of the replies are about specific issues related to their circumstances, and I imagine the same will be true for you.

The thing is you will be concentrating on these replies you've had and then find you are asked something completely different and will be "thrown" - it isn't meant to be a Q and A session but inevitably it will feel like that. As you know it is a multi disciplinary panel and before you go on, in the panel will decide who takes up a specific issue with you - it could be the medic (hence why someone was asked about a medical condition) or the education rep, or the child protection social worker, or the adopted person (panels are meant to have an adopted person on the panel but it isn't always possible.)

I think the one thing that is difficult for all applicants is to go into a room where there are 12 + strangers sitting around a table. They will all have their name and their job on pieces of card in front of them and they will all introduce themselves, but you won't remember who is who.

Panels know that applicants may be nervous (much better than being over confident) and make allowances for this. If you have a positive recommendation and the assessing sw has covered all the issues, there shouldn't be any problems. Take your time answering anything, and if you don't know what someone is "getting at" then say "sorry I'm not sure what you mean" because some panel members can confuse applicants in the way they ask questions/raise issues.

That's my advice for what it's worth............I'm not going to wish you luck, because being approved as an adopter is not a matter of luck, it is a matter of people like yourself applying to give a home to one (or 2) of the hundreds of children awaiting adoption, and a good assessor ensuring that they cover all the issues and the panel seeing you for what you are - a special person (NOT MsPerfect) as none of us are, but someone who has thought long and hard about adoption and been through quite a gruelling process and the panel approval is the final step in the approval process. The real hard work starts when the child/ren are placed.

Original poster

MrsBW · 15/02/2014 19:55

Hi NanaNina, many thanks for your reply.

I'm not trying to "second guess" what the panel may ask us - and telling me to stop worrying is akin to advising me to stop the waves crashing against the shore (but you know that already - or would if you've ever been in a similar situation)

I'm a pragmatic soul. The way I manage stress is to prepare the best way I think I can. Doesn't mean I'm prepared per se, but if I get an idea of what others have been asked, it may prompt me to reflect on areas of our application and that - by itself - will give me the confidence to answer the questions that will inevitably come out of 'left field'; which I know in a million years I will never be able to guess in advance.

That is my reasoning for asking what people were asked. Not because I think I'll be asked the same thing but because it's the best way - for me - to prepare. In exactly the same way that if/when I have issues with my children, I can solicit advice from others, but at the end of the day no two situations are exactly the same and all advice needs to be taken in context.

So, everyone, I ask again - if you can keep them coming, I'd really appreciate it.

Many thanks all.

OP posts:

Inthebeginning · 15/02/2014 20:11

When do you go to panel mrsbw ? I had to know everything possible about panel to keep me calm so totally get what you mean. Don't do what I did when they told me We'd be approved and blub loudly while waffling about how you cried when you got married too.

Original poster

MrsBW · 15/02/2014 20:16

Haha!

The week after next inthebeginning

OP posts:

Maiyakat · 15/02/2014 20:37

I was asked:

What kind of child I imagined myself with
What I was most worried about
What I was most looking forward to
About my support network

Probably something else but I can't remember!

It was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be - good luck!!

trampstamp · 15/02/2014 20:54

What made you choose little tramp

Also about little tramps medical condition

Also what dose BC think of adoption and how much he knows about what's happening

NanaNina · 15/02/2014 20:54

You seem to have taken exception to my post MrsBw which I hoped you would accept in the spirit in which it was written. In fact you sound rather cross which I don't really think is on, given that I was just giving you what I thought was good advice. But then what do I know!!

Inthebeginning · 15/02/2014 21:10

I don't think mrsbw 's answer came across as cross nana she was just saying she can't not worry. Everyone comes to this board with different experiences etc and everyone's advice is appreciated.

roadwalker · 15/02/2014 22:39

This seems incredible now because I don't know anyone else who did what we did but we didn't go to panel in person
Our SW (who was wonderful) told us that you don't have to go so we decided not to put ourselves through it and she went on our behalf
It all went really well and no stress
As far as I know this is still the same but most people choose to go or their SW do not tell them it is optional

Italiangreyhound · 16/02/2014 00:47

MrsBW on the list of things not to do....

Don't mentally judge the social worker who left their phone on, only to discover to your horror that you too have left your phone on and it starts to ring just as they are about to say 'Congratulations Mrs Greyhound...."

AAAggghhhh.

Original poster

MrsBW · 02/03/2014 20:06

NinaNana Not cross, no; but I'll admit to feeling somewhat patronised when I read your post. Re-reading your reply I realise that was an over reaction so I apologise if I caused offence. I very much appreciate your thoughts and anyone else who took time to post.

The good news is we were approved last week - FINALLY!!

Now - as you say NinaNana - the hard work really starts!!

OP posts:

MyFeetAreCold · 02/03/2014 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

drspouse · 03/03/2014 10:41

We were asked a really really daft question that would only be applicable to a child placed at a much older age than the children placed in the country we adopted from.

I refrained from rolling my eyes and saying "I'd be famous if that happened, as would our very advanced and bizarre child." Or indeed, "have you actually read our report".

Fusedog · 03/03/2014 15:31

We were asked why her?

Why now

And mostly about be and his views

drspouse · 03/03/2014 17:03

Was that approval panel or matching panel fusedog?

PheasantPlucker · 04/03/2014 16:33

Hi MrsBW,

I think you are very sensible to canvass the opinions of other adopters.

We were asked about our birth child's 'hopes' for an adopted sibling, about my work and taking off 6 months as the adopted child settled in, and about our ability to parent a child with SEN and one without (all pretty specific to our case)

Best of luck, and very best wishes

Flip