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Adoption

First post, attachment query..

11 replies

Copper13 · 05/02/2014 14:09

Hi everyone, this is my first post on the adoption boards. I've been lurking for a while and responded to one post, these boards are so much more helpful than some of the "official" adoption forums.
Anyhow, H and I brought home our DD at the beginning of October, she was 16 months old then and had been with a great FF since she was 5 months. She is a bright talkative energetic bundle who has settled in with us really well. Very tactile, great eye contact, loves to talk etc.
One of the things her FC said she would miss about her was taking her to the supermarket because she makes everyone smile or stop and talk because DD engages with everyone with her smiles and chatter.
When we take her to the shops and she is sat in the trolley she will happily call out to people with a big smile " yo lady" or "yo man" Yo is her version of hello at the moment! She always calls out "bye bye lady/man" to the checkout staff without prompting also.
At first we thought she was just an outgoing confident toddler but I so rarely see it in other toddlers that I'm now wondering if this is a problem? Is this an attachment issue? She is confident with visitors to the house also (but won't sit on laps etc) but actively converses with them.
Am I looking for problems where there are none or not?

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DwellsUndertheSink · 05/02/2014 14:13

sounds lovely to me. A confident, secure child. If she was running up to people hugging them, it would be an issue, but I wouldnt worry. Some children are naturally extroverts!

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Sweetart · 05/02/2014 14:22

It's lovely! DS1 was like this. He would chat to anyone,which is something that I've always envied his confidence for

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MyFeetAreCold · 05/02/2014 15:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kewcumber · 05/02/2014 15:13

I think the fact that she won't sit on laps is an indication that she doesn;t indiscriminately attach inappropriately.

DS had some attachment issues - but overattached to me.over suspicious of other people wanting to hold him. He has always been chatty and freindly with strangers eg on teh tube/trains/buses.

It's not often that I say to fellow adopters "really, don't worry about it" but I think in this case there doesn;t sound much that would alarm me. Of course you should keep an eye on it and if it looks like she's likely to go off with strangers or is happy to hug or touch strangers then I'd reassess.

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ghostinthecanvas · 05/02/2014 15:17

She sounds confident. In my experience children with attachment also inappropriately hug and look for contact. Sounds like she has good boundaries by being uncomfortable sitting on others knees. Good that you are aware and are keeping a watchful eye on her.

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Happiestinwellybobs · 05/02/2014 17:04

DD was the same. I do remember her being about 14 months and she left me to go and sit on another mum's knee at a kindermusik class and being a bit concerned, but she hasn't done that since.

She talks to nice ladies in the supermarket all the time - takes me ages to get round Aldi on a Thursday morning.

She is just a happy and (very) confident little girl :)

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Thebluedog · 05/02/2014 19:26

Sounds like a happy, confident child.

My dd is 23 months old and been with us since October and is very similar to this. At first she was very indiscriminate with who she did this with, and if you didn't know, and we were in a crowded room you'd struggle to know who were her parents. However this has changed now, and although she is still very outgoing with her communication it's more obvious she's ours. Our SW isn't worried as we've talked at length about this.

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Copper13 · 05/02/2014 20:22

Thanks for the reassurance everyone, I will try and let myself relax about her confidence. You never know I might learn a thing or two from her!

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allthingswillpass · 05/02/2014 20:35

Our LO has been with us 7 months. He's 2.5 and shouts "No Man" and "No lady" in the supermarket!
I was worried to begin with but he knows who mummy and daddy are now and doesn't walk up to strangers. He seems to us to be a confident, happy, outgoing little boy.

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drspouse · 05/02/2014 20:40

If she talks to strangers, but checks back with you and only comes to sit on your lap - I think that is appropriate. Sounds like she is doing ok.

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Thepoodoctor · 05/02/2014 22:01

Agree with all the others.

My DD is a happy little girl who will be friendly,a affectionate and trusting with her teachers, her friends mums, etc etc - but is very clear who is her mum!

She is MASSIVELY better adjusted and more able to cope with life than her adorable but difficult big brother, who treats anyone other than us with the gravest suspicion and hostility.