Adopting from abroad...

[SnowBells]

I have friends and family who adopted from abroad. The children were anything between 1-2 years old when they were adopted, and typically, at least one of each parent pair (if not both) had at the very least a vague connection to the country they have adopted from. Most of the kids were abandoned in front of a hospital/given up for adoption as babies - often when they were only a few weeks old. They spent months in an orphanage. Some then went on to foster carers for another few months.

I am amazed to see that the children have 'slotted' into their new families so well. Without exception, they are all happy little kids and were part of the family almost immediately following the initial 'who are these people' moment. I mean… they make it look soooooo easy to adopt. Even the parents were surprised at how each child has seemingly brushed off the process of getting adopted, having new parents and living in a new and strange country with weird new words (despite having connections to the countries the children are from, none of the parents actually speak much of the native languages spoken). None of them also seem to have any behavioral difficulties for their respective ages.

Is the above the norm or actually the exception? I always read about attachment issues when adopting. But my friends' children have none of those symptoms. They are like walking advertisements for having kids or more specifically… adoption! I started wondering whether all the info I read is the 'worst case scenario' or whether it is more because (compared to the UK) the children were given up for adoption so soon after birth, not following a long period of neglect, and therefore have less trauma?

Just a theoretical question, really. I'm quite baffled.

I think one thing to take note of is the fact that as adoptive parents we have a duty to our children to be so very, very vigilant.

Vigilant to opportunities to invite them to talk about adoption. Opportunities to celebrate birth culture. Opportunities to celebrate hertitage.

But vigilant too to how age and stage affects their understanding of adoption and self, and how this affects self-esteem and identity. I am going thru a very difficult time just now with DD1 who is very, very sad about her losses. She is truly grieving her birth family. Probably for the first time in her life she really understands the loss she suffered (normal for this age for it to hit, I know) and she is angry, sad, confused. She isn't experiencing this because she is a transracial adoptee but because she is an adoptee, but I do think the fact it is a transracial adoption also adds other dimensions into the turmoil.

As adoptive parents we need to be vigilant because our children can be at higher risk statistically for MH issues, learning difficulties, anxiety, depression etc. and because they will not always be able to express their feelings. No matter how many times I tell DD we can talk about things it does generally need me to actually come out and name the conversation for her - we are going to talk about BM etc - and I see the relief when she realises we can. Sometimes she doesn't even know herself it is the problem until I help her express herself. She is emotionally resiliant in so many ways. What she has gone through would have destroyed many - but she is so, so fragile too. We have to be able to see when our kids need to talk - we cannot assume because they don't mention it that they have no adoption related questions.

Hi everyone, I'm hoping to talk to someone on here who knows their stuff about international adoption in the UK. I'm hoping to start the process of Adoption from Russia soon and i have loads of questions. As i will be a single mother and on a average income i have questions regarding the financial side of things.

My dilemma : To start an adoption application i need to be assessed and a home study conducted. However at the moment im living in a shared house to keep my living costs low to be able to afford the adoption. So i cant start the process because the money i would need to rent a 2 bed house and pay bills is the money i am using to save for the adoption. I have never claimed any kind of benefits in my life but i was wondering if anyone knew if it was possible to move into a 2 bed house and get the benefits office to help pay my rent as a low income household. Whilst my adoption is going ahead.

I know many of you may be thinking well if she cant afford rent then she cant afford a child but that is not the case. Without the cost of adoption i have plenty of money coming in each week enough to pay full rent and bills on a house and provide everything we would want and need. Its just while im going through the process that my income is severely diminished. I am looking for a better paid job but my town has a low employment rate and to move out of town will mean moving away from friends and family who i will rely upon when i become a mummy. I am educated to a degree level so it is possible for me to get a good job but i am still only living in a one parent one income family.

If anyone can provide any advice that would be great.

Hi Lisa - some people on this board have adopted from abroad. You will also have to pay the cost of a home study. Just out of interest, why Russia?

I am not sure about the answer to your question - have you tried calling the council? My gut feeling is that you would probably not get help from the benefits office because you are not adopting a local authority child - I know that councils treat overseas adoption differently to local authority adoption (e.g. you don't get priority for schools in the same way you would if you adopted a child who is "looked after" in the UK.

Best of luck - am sure someone with more experience will be along shortly with more helpful information than I can give.

Hi guys,

I want to adopt my brother’s child from Pakistan. Can anyone please tell me what would be the process? which agency should I contact to? Is it expensive to adopt from outside of the UK?

I and my husband are second cousins. He is a British citizen and I’m on a spouse visa. We do not have any child & we tend to go for adoption therefore, I like to adopt my brother’s baby which will be born in January 2020.

Parents wish for the child to be adopted from us. They want the child to be brought up by us as our own kid. It is mutual desire & intention of Both Parent.

Please, Please help me out.

Thanks

I would contact the intercountry adoption centre. I believe you are assessed by a UK agency but have to pay all costs. They should be able to advise you.

Outcomes are usually better for children who were placed very young. However, from my experience people who adopted babies can have a tendency to overlook certain things and/or misinterpret them as not adoption related.

There is a ton of research out there on transracial adoption. Transracial adoptees feel less of a sense of belonging to their families, struggle with identity issues, suffer more often from depression and a host of other things. It is really very well researched. That is why sw are reluctant to place children transracially.

I think it is hard to tell how things are really going before the children are in puberty. That's when the s* hits the fan. Before that many people have few issues.

I know people who have adopted from abroad who are doing well and I know some who have major issues. I don't see a big difference to be honest. From what I know, research has found similar results for intercountry and incountry adoption.

Get specialist advice - I don't think the UK recognises adoptions in Pakistan. You may end up unable to bring the child into the UK.

Some up to date info:
Click here

@yolande7 please could you point me in the direction of the research? Thanks