Silly Questions

[Italiangreyhound]

I need to do something to get ready. Please tell me your best answers to these silly questions.

1. When you get matched at what point do you start to tell family/friends/any birth children, and when is it OK to show a photo to close family or reveal the name? I mean do you need to wait until you get to panel or is it OK to do it earlier?

2. How likely is it the panel at matching will say no (statistics anyone, please) and what do you say to work in that crucial stage as things start to happen but you still don't have an actual date to go on adoption leave! Please?

3. At what point do you start decorating a room or buying things?

Wanting to get ready but can't yet! Hoping things will happen and when they do need to know how quickly I can do stuff.

Non adopters welcome to respond but adopters am really keen to hear what you did when you adopted.

1. Showed parents video and pictures once we knew we were proceeding but before panel. Also showed best friends pictures.

2. Forewarned manager at work and closest work colleague, again when we knew we were proceeding but before panel. Also told HR informally. Only gave formal notice to work after panel.

3. We got (both) rooms decorated once we knew we were proceeding but before panel, also basic required furniture (ie cotbed). We wanted to show the bedrooms in their introduction books which we handed over to SW at panel. Our painter who has done lots of work for us before fitted us in around other jobs at very short notice. Most other stuff purchased after we started intros once we had seen what they had, asked FC etc etc. Had also bought some 'generic' toys like jigsaws, but not much.

We only bought things like car seats etc after panel. Keep receipts as you may get a 'settling in' allowance you can claim against. We were passed on quite a lot of things by friends, and got cotbed & pushchair secondhand, DD2 was too young to care.

What you can do is prepare a list of what you will need and source it, so you just need one shopping trip.

Bought duvet cover and wall stickers with DD1 (8) during introductions to help her claim her room.

TeenAndTween I have not heard of the settling in grant before, can you say more, please?

You got a video clip, how cool. And pictures. That sounds great. Did it help you to begin to 'bond' before they came or did you have to feel a bit distant until it was all confirmed?

We adopted siblings in 2007, so before the credit crunch. SS paid for new car seats for both children, plus ~£300 (?) for essentials, eg cotbed, mattress, pushchair, bedlinen etc. No idea whether this is standard across the country or whether it is still done.

We had a lovely video which really helped the bonding. Our younger one was 'delayed' and it helped us see at what level she was operating. We could also see the character (and loveliness) of our elder one. It was probably around 10 minutes long.

The downside of the video was we felt we had to do one in return ...

wow, what did you do in your video????

Some LAs give settling in grants but not all!

In our video we did a tour of the house with some silly bits in it eg singing, piano playing and then a mini question and answer session.
When they first came to our house DD1 knew exactly how to get to her bedroom!

We did a video too for dd1. It was cringeworthy. They asked us to do one for dd3 but we looked like the Addams family, so just sent some laminated photos instead.

T&T thanks sounds a wonderful idea.

Moomoomie why the Adams family! Are you glamourous and Angelica Houstonesk?