Adoption Recommendation

[CoffeeOne]

Hello all. My DB and SIL have told us that they have started the adoption process. I'm thrilled for them. They have put me down as their family 'reference' and I will be writing a recommendation. I'm honoured to be asked but also want to make sure I do my absolute best!

Obviously what I write about my brother and SIL will be personal, but does anyone know what kind of things I need to be talking about? Anything vital to include? I haven't heard anything from the agency yet but wanting to do some prep so I don't delay anything. Thanks!

Hi CoffeeOne- We are in the same situation as your brother and SIL and our references have just been sent in. As we are very new at this I am by no means an expert, but I can tell you that our agency sent them a form with very specific questions rather than asking for a free text account. They wanted lots of examples of situations that they had seen us in- for example how we cope under stress, how we interact with children etc. I believe that they are likely to want a follow up interview with at least two of them later in the process. I don't know if all agencies follow identical practices but I imagine that they are similar. Hope this helps :-)

Thank you research that's really helpful! I'd prefer a follow up interview I think because I'm better talking than writing I think. I can start thinking of good examples. They look after our toddler DS so should have plenty to go on. Good luck with your adoption!

Thanks :-)

Coffee one - like research our referees were
sent a form with questions to answer in advance. Then our SW visited the referees. Meeting took about 2 hours - questions like "how do you think Hels20 and DH will cope with the change to their life?" "How are they with money?" "Do you think they would access support if they needed to?" "How are they with children?"

We made sure we had babysat our referees children so that the referees could honestly say that they had no issues with us being left to look after their children.

After the meeting, SW wrote a report which was a
Summary of the meeting and sent it to referee - referee had to sign it (or amend) and send it back.

Ps I never asked what my referees said in response to the questions. It remains confidential.

CoffeeOne everyone had said good things so not much I can add except that sometimes it is good to remember what the reference is for. One of our referees is a dear friend from church. He emphasised all we were involved in at church etc, which was good, as some of it is to do with working with kids. But I felt slightly nervous as it made it look a bit like I was going for 'volunteer of the year'. He met with us to discuss what he would put, which was his choice, not essential So I did explain to him and to our social worker that although I am quite involved in church activities I would put these things aside for as long as necessary when our new child came to us. I know that I can't juggle some activities with the child as I might have been able to do with our birth dd.

You have probably got the option of discussing with your brother what you will put, or of keeping it confidentual. Certainly if anyone were writing a reference and did have reservations about the person they should express them and could request for it all to be confidentual.

Just for the record we put forward 6 referees, 2 of which were family. They askd for forms from 4 of the people and of those 4 they formally 3 and met the other by accident because they were at our house one day when she visited. So two of our referees were never contacted at all.

All best wishes for the process.

sorry - they formally met 3...

Thank you for your help everyone. Whilst they've been ttc (at least 5 years) I've felt so helpless and wished I could make it all better by magic. I know this is such a small part of the process but I feel like I get to finally help!

What a lovely person you are to care so much! Best of luck and well done!

Thank you :) I've just read your thread good luck with your adoption!

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Sorry wrong thread!