shocked !! need to rant

[Thedoghouse]

me and my dh have been doing the adoption since may last year , everything is going to plan due to go to pannel feb next month i have two children already 16 , 11 yrs old boys i work at a nursey have done this job for about 10 yrs the sw has now turned round n said n weight could be a problem i can gob smacked ! excuse the pun !! . what do they want pefect cuz they are neva going to get that am able boded i run round after 8 3yr old children every week gutted isnt the word they now want 7 weeks of meal plans and to prove am losing weight everything eles is perfect they say

That's ridiculous, and I would be really upset too.

Presumably the medical advisor for the Adoption team has signed off your medical, or you wouldn't have a Panel date?

SW being a bit unfair, imho. Fair enough, they may be suggesting it for good reasons but it seems late in the day to bring it up now. Can you ask why it wasn't brought up after your medical?

Thedoghouse really sorry this is a pressure for you right now.

Was there no warning that this may be an issue?

I am overweight myself and was told to try and lose weight. My social worker talked to me about it and was very pleasant about it. It was clear she was a bit embarressed to say it.

I have struggled with my weight for years and I must admit that it was not nice to hear and think about but all in all I know it is for my own good (as I really am overweight) and so I am trying to take it seriously. It is hard.

I don't think they want perfect. I think they want to see that you take it seriously and show you are trying. I am assuming they are correct and you are overweight and it is not some mistake?

I started a thread on here about weight loss, will see if I can find it. I am a bit peeved as I started a new attempt this year and the first week lost two pounds and the second lost nothing!

If you want to talk about this please do feel free to pm me.

I am sure you are fit and well, I guess they just want to make sure you will be around for a long time for all your kids. Try not to take it too hard, or too personally, it is a shame they have brought this up at this late stage, I almost get the feeling they want to make sure you are trying and not that they are expecting perfect results. If they wanted perfect they might have set targets etc. My social worker never set a target, she just said to try.

Hope you will feel better soon, I am sure you are a great mum and will make a great mum to a new one.

I found my thread, I updated it too as have not written anything for ages!

If you want to pop in and say hi, please do.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/1729438-Lowering-a-BMI?msgid=44400690#44400690

It is my feeling, and I could be wrong, that with requests from social workers re adoption if it is not too unreasonable it is better to go with it. If the long term result would be a slightly lighter and therefore slightly healthier you, then maybe it will be for the best.

Hope it will not be a problem and please do feel free to PM and let me know how things go if you want someone to support from afar (we were approved in September but not matched yet).

thanks everyone the s/w is coming again tomorrow , just want this part to be over with now , i am losing weight my height is 5ff 9 inch so am never going be a small lady and have always been chubby , why change me i give the best cuddles .xxx

Good luck for tomorrow, did you come up with some healthy meal plans? It's amazing how things can turn out. We had never worked out a fire escape plan for our child and us in the event of a fire. It just never came up. Then we were asked as part of the safety check on us to tell the social worker our fire escape plan for our family. So we found one on line and talked it through with DD.

I guess I'm saying some of the stuff they ask for can end up being useful.

Hope it all goes well. Do PM me if you wish to.

You sound brilliant and adopting is probably the best thing you could ever do for the child/children coming to you. Why would you not think your weight would be an issue though? They are concerned for you that's all.

You may be fine now but carrying extra weight takes a toll on the joints, knees, back, hips and also makes you more likely to succumb to heart disease, a stroke, diabetics, oh dear I could go on but surely you do know that?

Also, overweight parents tend not to notice when their dc are overweight and that is a very big problem in terms of dc's self esteem, ability to do sports, and choosing a healthy diet themselves.

You may have a positive experience being overweight but unfortunately a lot of people/dc do not and so it's about being a positive role model isn't it?

Would it help if you treated your weight goal as a challenge that would improve your future health chances and make you a wonderful role model for your dc? Ie though it would be difficult it would be worth doing, if not just for yourself, but for them too?

Good luck op

today went well sw was happy with my meal plans new pannel dates march now av joined back slimming world tonight feeling little bit more postive about things thanks everyone xx

Great news doghouse - from one puppy to another - keep up the good work.

thanks huni xxxxwoof woof