Thinking about adopting...any advice?

[calibee]

My DH and I have been trying for our own baby for over 2 years now...I'm 43, and showing all the signs of perimenopause and despite several rounds of clomid and mc this time last year I am coming to terms with the reality that its not going to happen.
We always said adoption would be an option at some point. I have 3 older children (all grown and living their own lives now) but DH has none.
My main questions are

1. I am 43, DH is 24.....is this going to be frowned upon? 2)We are a forces family so can be moved every 3-4 years or so.
2. My husband is from the Caribbean so until he leaves the army will not receive full British citizenship. This is the first tentative step towards gathering information so I am a complete novice.

www.ssafa.org.uk/how-we-help/adoption

SSAFA are a registered adoption agency for military families

I don't think you need to be a British citizen, just ordinarily resident in the uk

The age difference between you shouldn't be an issue

If you and /or your DH are black, that will be a HUGE advantage , as many waiting children are from a mixed heritage background .

It should also be an advantage that you have parenting experience already

Good luck

welcome Calibee - but yes, everything Kristina said

Thank you so much.
That sounds encouraging.
Yes Dh is black. I did wonder if this would go against or for us.
we have a huge child sized hole in our home.
Would my age mean that I could adopt only older children?

Hi Calibee

No, your age won't mean you will only be considered for older children (and the fact you have such a young DH in adoption terms will be a major plus. There are v
few adopters in their 20s and not too many in their 30s..)

I would imagine they will want to explore how your DH feels about not having biological children, how strong your relationship is (how long you have been together, how you cope being a Forces wife). They will also want to interview your children and your children's father.

The fact you are in the Forces might go against you with certain children who SS believe wouldn't cope with a move every 3 or 4 years - but that shouldn't be an issue with younger children. I would also imagine that they would want to know that you are at least going to remain in your current home for the next 12 to 18 months after adoption.

There are some people in the Forces who have adopted and who are on this board.

Best of luck!!! And let us know whether you decide to proceed.

Thanks hels..thats great information.
My children are all over 17 now and live in England. We were posted last year to NIreland. They are fully behind us in our decision to adopt...I'm very proud of them.
Kristina thanks for the ssafa link...currently perusing that, sounds good.
Dh will be away for 6 months from August. I'm pretty sure nothing would happen before then, but is it worth getting the ball rolling now or after he returns??

I would get the ball rolling, now. Would he have any leave in those 6 months? Maybe ring up your local authority or agency, and find out when the next set of adoption classes are (we had to go to 6 - between 6pm and 9pm) every Wed or Thursday for 6 weeks). You should be able to at least do these before your DH has to go on leave.

I took a break in my assessment as we needed to get some personal things sorted. We did the classes, then were assigned a social worker, met with her 4 times, then we took a 3 month break (which they were ok about)

Ok...will speak to dh later. In the 6months he will only get home for 2 weeks :(

just to say that there is a great network of adopters etc who have great knowledge and advice, lots blog and there's tonnes to read. a good place to start is www.adoptionsocial.com you'll learn loads.
We adopted 2 littles 6 months ago - don't know much about the forces thing etc, but most LA's are just so keen to get people who are serious about it.

My advice is choose an agency/LA and be completely honest, be prepared for a long haul - be prepared to have some tough times both on the way and after they arrive...but well worth it.

all the best

Thank you curiosity . I will take a look.