People who should just not be allowed to adopt

[Lilka]

This is mostly exasperation, and the judgy pants are very much ON

It's not so often I come across parents and I think 'you know what, whoever approved you to adopt should be dismissed/if you get approved to adopt, the social worker who did the assessments deserves to be sacked'

But, sometimes I can't help thinking that.

I got roped into watching old TV programs (online) about people's adoption stories and we watched 2. The first was nice, but the second, in which two US families went to Siberia to adopt...oh my God, I do not understand how this first couple were approved, I just don't.

The mother, who along with her husband and their birth sons, is white with blonde hair and blue eyes, starts off in great form by saying about Russian children,

"you know what, they're beautiful babies. And they look American. You can't get American babies in America"

Nothing like a good dose of racism and stupidity on a Sunday evening. And I disliked her from that moment forward, obviously

But no, it stayed just as bad the whole way through

Dad (who looks eerily like a Ken doll): "It's like I'm going to another country to buy somebody else's kid"

Sigh

And I warmed up slightly when they said goodbye to their new baby and said they were bonding.

But then, when the subject of birth parents came up and reunions and:

Mum: "We don't wanna spend $35,000 on a baby that's going to turn against us" [and find theur birth parents]

I was so finished listening to them I clicked on the red x button.

Seriously? How do these people get approved?? HOW?? Some agency needs a more thorough assessment process

Is it possible to adopt children within America without paying large fees?

an adoptive child I know said "I can't believe I came from a country that doesn't worship God and I became a Christian"
Parent "yes we have to pray for those still in XXX (country of birth)"

This is a lovely famaily but who truly don't seem to understand that Islamic countries do indeed worship God and some even believe its the same as the christian God, they just do it differently. I also thought its sad that she seems to now beleive that they way they do things in her birth country is somehow inferior and they too need to be saved from it.

On the other hand they really do beleive that people will be saved by coming to Jesus and they are very lovely people. The attitude just made me a bit sad.

Kirkcaldy I can't get to grips with the saviour mentality at all. Just horrible

lilyaldrin Yes it is possible, you can adopt through foster care. Either by fostering in the hopes of adopting your foster child, or by adopting a child who has already been freed for adoption. Either of those would also be nearly free, pretty much like the UK

holoycow funny how different the regs are in different placed. I remember for China all the American adoptive parents had to pay an orphanage donation, it was a set amount, and it wasn't optional I don't think

Kew PM'ed you

Yes in the US I think you can adopt through the foster system. Most small babies/children seem to go through private adoption but I'm no expert.

Holycow - I was with Irish adopters... they trustingly gave me a bundle of cash and I went out and spent it all on wardrobes and beds!

Off topic but I'm on the family court judgements page and my life, the court system just moved fast. Made a placement order for a baby aged only 10 weeks old

Several judgements over the years relating to IA...almost all ones where things have gone horribly wrong and just proof that people in one country aren;t any more ethical or nice than people in another

holeycow

I hope I haven't made you sad, I apologise for my ignorance and now I understand will gladly make a point of correcting anybody who I hear holding that assumption.
I suppose it was started by some journalist many years ago and has continued ever since.
I have held this assumption for a long time, must be about 20 odd years. I do apologise.

I have to say I was impressed by the thoroughness, and commonsense shown by the Kazakh court system.

It saddens me that people often think that IA is some hole in the wall affair in tinpot third word countries. I have to visit DS for a minimum of 14 days with daily visits of around 3 hours before I was allowed to aplly to adopt. I had to go to court and I was represented by a lawyer, his interests were respresented by a lawyer he grilled me on a few areas of concern (being a single parent mostly) - there was a waiting period afterwards where anyone is allowed to appeal the decision.

A child has to have been available for domestic adoption for a minimum of 3 months (DS has been available for domestic adoption for 6 months) and there has to be no visits by birth family during that time (unless the court has terminated their rights due to cruelty or neglect).

I had to have photographic evidence that I had spent those days with him during what they call the bonding period and had unannounced visits by a lady from teh ministry of education.

It was very thorough.

morethan You haven't made me sad at all, it's just that general perception out there that money is paid for the child in IA. I hear it all the time and I don't mind telling people how it works but I hate that dd will hear it and have her own questions. I can absolutely had on heart say that neither dd's baby home nor her BM benefitted from her adoption. Other people did- doctors (€1500 for a farce of a medical in St Petersburg), solicitors here and there, etc etc and that's where the money clocks up. I'm not sure why it's so much more expensive from the US though? Maybe their legal expenses are bigger? Also, our homestudy is free. But our costs were a fraction of the figures quoted here.

Kew There was huge controversy here in 2008/9 which led to Vietnam closing. It centred on money donations to orphanages. It was alleged that orphanages that dealt with foreign adopters had much higher than average rates of abandonments of babies which raised big red flags about how these babies were 'procured.' Before we travelled for our adoption, we were reminded strongly about the adoption board stance on donations. While I would love to have given dd's baby home a donation, I agree with the adoption board on this.

We brought caseloads of stuff with us on each visit and bought play stuff for dd's baby home but I'm looking over my shoulder even as I type that. I was afraid that could have been construed as 'donations.'

Ily yes you can adopt through the foster care system here and many do. It is more or less free or greatly subsidized. However our foster care system favors reunification with birth families at all costs (which I completely agree with if the family can provide a stable environment. Many can with a bit of help). So often the children who can be adopted through foster care are older children who have been in many homes and bounced around between their birth relatives and foster placements and have complex emotional needs that require a really special parent. And no one but a Native American family can adopt Native children.