I' a hard cow I don't have much time for these kinds of videos partly because there are loads of them around and when I met DD and felt absolutely nothing for him, I felt like the biggest failure in the world. I didn't love him. I'd waited so long for him and I just didn't love him.
Every blog I'd ever read talked about the great love for their child which it seemed appeared instantly and there were rings of daisies around their heads and they gamboled off into the sunset together.
The reality was I was given a very cute but very determined 1 year old with an uncertain medical prognosis that I wasn't at all sure I could cope with who wouldn't look at me and if he did he wailed. For weeks. My child cried every time he looked at me for days and wouldn't make eye contact with me for weeks. And I felt like the babysitter for the longest time.
And I persevered through very tough times not because of love but because I was selfish. It was all about ME. ME me me me! I wanted a child so desperately that I was driven to make it work.
Of course now I love the bones of him and find it hard to remember the times when I thought I might be making the biggest mistake of my (and his) life. Partly because I'd believed all the things I read about this instant rush of love and somehow knowing that child was yours.
So my blog was a bit more realistic
Budge up Rudolph - we are a bunch of grumpy old bags aren't we, raining of a lovely well-intentioned parade!?