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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

I just wanted to share this with you, if you haven't seen it.

11 replies

pookamoo · 06/01/2014 11:05

A beautiful story

OP posts:
RudolphLovesoftplay · 06/01/2014 12:26

I understand the sentiment, and it's lovely story. But......it takes more than love to build a family.

jonicomelately · 06/01/2014 21:37

I think this is lovely.

I agree that it takes more than love to build a family but a family with an absence of love will never be a family, at least not in my eyes.

Kewcumber · 06/01/2014 21:58

I' a hard cow I don't have much time for these kinds of videos partly because there are loads of them around and when I met DD and felt absolutely nothing for him, I felt like the biggest failure in the world. I didn't love him. I'd waited so long for him and I just didn't love him.

Every blog I'd ever read talked about the great love for their child which it seemed appeared instantly and there were rings of daisies around their heads and they gamboled off into the sunset together.

The reality was I was given a very cute but very determined 1 year old with an uncertain medical prognosis that I wasn't at all sure I could cope with who wouldn't look at me and if he did he wailed. For weeks. My child cried every time he looked at me for days and wouldn't make eye contact with me for weeks. And I felt like the babysitter for the longest time.

And I persevered through very tough times not because of love but because I was selfish. It was all about ME. ME me me me! I wanted a child so desperately that I was driven to make it work.

Of course now I love the bones of him and find it hard to remember the times when I thought I might be making the biggest mistake of my (and his) life. Partly because I'd believed all the things I read about this instant rush of love and somehow knowing that child was yours.

So my blog was a bit more realistic

Budge up Rudolph - we are a bunch of grumpy old bags aren't we, raining of a lovely well-intentioned parade!?

jonicomelately · 06/01/2014 22:18

That's really interesting. I'm not an adopter though so I've no idea how I would react.

Kewcumber · 06/01/2014 23:40

I really don;t mind others being moved by it/liking it at all, I'm sure it's very sweet ... if you haven't been through hell not bonding with your adopted child and everyone thinks everything is solved now that you've adopted!

We do tend to be hardened old crones on the adoption boards though.

RudolphLovesoftplay · 07/01/2014 05:39

Kew, maybe we could start a miserable old goat quiche :)

RudolphLovesoftplay · 07/01/2014 05:44

In a serious note, I went through a similar thing as Kew with my youngest. I just couldn't bond with him at first, he blatantly didn't want anything to do with me, ignoring me constantly. Crying when I picked him up, looking around for anyone but me. I didn't love him, no Hmm. However, we were a family even in the absence of love, and I worked and worked and worked at every attachment style parenting trick in the book. We now have a fantastic naturally loving relationship and I would happily lay down my life for him.

Happy ending emoticon!!

FamiliesShareGerms · 07/01/2014 07:38

Bit self-congratulatory, that video, isn't it?

joins miserable old goat quiche

roadwalker · 07/01/2014 10:21

Another miserable git here
If I had shared my thoughts when we met DD I would've been thrown out, she looked incredibly skanky!

All the head in the cloud types on my prep course didn't end up adopting. One kept saying 'children are such a joy'. Fine but she was very unrealistic.

I am very practical and down to earth. Because we live in a small place and have BS everyone knew we were adopting. We were like mini celebrities for a while and I found it very uncomfortable. People said 'you are doing a wonderful thing' (some on our prep would have loved it as they thought they were doing a wonderful thing)
I used to say, we all have our own reasons for doing things and it is not always altruistic - its not like I am donating a kidney!

MyFeetAreCold · 07/01/2014 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Italiangreyhound · 09/01/2014 22:39

Pookamoo I am not yet an adopter so I will join you on the 'it's lovely' bench.

Yes, I bet there is a ton more to think about it and no one should adopt because they see a cute video!

But there is a moment (at 3.14) when the mum has her hand over her mouth and it just looks like she scared to breath, she is holding it all in because it is too much great! Then at 3.45 when the older girl has her hands over her eyes! I know it is my imagination, but it touches me to see that moment.

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