(Long and rambly) in family adoption

[Llanbobl]

I hope I'm not about to offend or upset anyone,but I need some advice before doing something daft.

My "cousin" is my half sister, my mum gave birth to her 10.5,years before I was born. My mums sister and husband adopted my half sister.

My mums died several years who, whenever asked about my cousin/half sister I was always told "I 'll tell you when you're older" - unfortunately that day never came

My cousin/half sister knows she is adopted and and my mum is her birth mother (but my aunt (now dead) is in her eyes her mum). I gave no problem with this. However, I am curious as to my half sisters father- he knew my mum and if he us still alive I'd like to talk to him about my mum (my own dad died in1984) - so would it be crass to aka my half sister if she has details about her birth after (I suspect the answer is yes) - any advice from anyone gratefull y received (my half sister and I don't have a close relationship - I have intermittent contact with her two daughters)

Sorry it's so long and rambly - just feeling down and very alone right now

Llanbobi, you sound so unhappy and i'd love to help, but don't really understand your post. Have I got this right: you want to talk to your half-sister's birth father, who is not your father? But in order to contact him you would have to go through your half-sister, and you're not close to her? It's not clear from your post whether she actually knows him and has a relationship with him?

It all sounds very sensitive. Is it very important to you to talk to him? Is there some information you need that will help you make sense of your own life or your relationship with your mother?

I don't think it's really any of your business. I understand that you want to ask him about his relationship with your mother, but if she had wanted to tell you about this, she would have done so when she was alive. I'm not sure if being " curious" about your mothers love life some eleven years before you were even born is a good enough reason to go investigating these things.

IF I understand correctly, you don't even know if your cousin knows who her biological father is, or he he knows that she even exists. And even if she does, it's really her place to contact him if she wants to, not yours.

I think your instinct that this is a bit daft is correct. You risk upsetting a lot of people if you start prying into their lives.

I think you should leave it. This is your half-sister's story, not yours. It sounds as if you are desperate to have some link to your late mom, why not talk to other people who knew her?

Llanbobl I may be way off base so please ignore me but if you feel so down and alone in life at the moment I would (IMHO) pursue things to make yourself happier in your life and more connected to your present. Whether it is personal relationships, work, study or whatever, I would find things to make life better.

It seems curious to me that you could pursue a better relationship with your half sister/cousin and with her daughters, your nieces/second cousins but instead you want to find out things about your mum from years before you were born. I would worry that this investigation may damage your relationship with your half sister/cousin.

Whatever you do, all best wishes for the future.