My feed

to access all these features

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.


Laughing children.

26 replies

Moomoomie · 30/11/2013 16:40

As you may know dd3 who is six has FASD.
She portrays this in ways very much like ASD and ADHD.
We were in Costa having a coffee today, hot choc for her. She is very well behaved but doing her normal things, singing, talking fairly loudly, spinning round etc.
There were two young teens actually laughing at her and whispering, not laughing with her.
I know this will happen lots more, but I do feel sad seeing this.
I am hoping that this generation will grow up more tolerant of SN.

OP posts:
jonicomelately · 30/11/2013 16:43

Young teenagers are utter twats. This is a fact.
I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope it hasn't affected you too badly.
Your dd sounds lovely x

extracrunchy · 30/11/2013 16:54

Oh that is horrid Sad I have a sister with Down's who can be LOUD and it's so hard to deal with reactions like this.
I know it takes some guts but when we were little my mum used to deal with kids like that by saying to them "hello, this is [sis] - would you like to come and say hi?" I was quite often a bit embarrassed when she did for some reason but it usually stopped them dead in their tracks. If you look uncomfortable or whatever it just fuels their little joke.

ghostonthecanvas · 30/11/2013 17:03

Bastard rudeness. I was at the park with a DC and 2 girls about 12 started talking to my DC (who is a very unique individual Wink ) and they started laughing and teasing DC....with their mum! Fuckers walked off still giving it laldy. Worst bit -DC not bothered so I couldn't tackle them cause then it would have been obvious something was wrong. Was years ago. Bitter much, me? No.

extracrunchy · 30/11/2013 17:04

Ghost - with their MUM???? Bloody hell.. What is wrong with people?!?

Moomoomie · 30/11/2013 17:17

Not all young teens are twats... I have two of them too Grin
Dd3 is oblivious to it all which makes it worse for me, asghost said, it will make it obvious.
Joni.... Dd is lovely, she is so sweet natured, because her disability is invisible, it can make things worse.

OP posts:
Lilka · 30/11/2013 17:29

Some young teenagers laughed at DD2 (aged 17) a few months ago when we were shopping and she picked up a Barbie doll and a cuddly toy and begged me to get them for her. Even worse, there were a couple of mothers with small children in the toy aisle who looked uncomfortable and steered their precious LO's away from us, as if learning disabilities are catching :( Angry

Not the first time by any means, I can't count the dirty looks in public. Mostly from middle aged and older people though, not teens. I think there is definitely a generational change going on

jonicomelately · 30/11/2013 17:56

moomoomie You are obviously in denial or you have the only two young teenagers who are not twats Grin

My DP is disabled and it is really hard not to be affected by people you encounter out and about. Most people are wonderful but sadly not everybody. The natural response is to want to rip their heads off and piss down their throat be sad but I suppose we have to try to not let other people affect our own emotions Smile

KristinaM · 30/11/2013 18:01

We have children with invisible and visible special needs and the ones who get the dirty looks are the former. When you have a child with obvious disabilities in a wheelchair , you get " poor you " looks . I cant decide what's worse.

TheBakeryQueen · 30/11/2013 18:07

I do think you should challenge them. Try & do it discreetly but go up to them & tell them what you think of their laughing. They need telling.

My uncle has downs syndrome & when I was a child, about 9 I think, we were at a disco & I could see a girl mocking & laughing at him. I was shy but can clearly remember the feeling that I just had to make her stop (uncle hadn't noticed). I went up to her & spoke to her through gritted teeth & said something like 'you dare laugh at him'. She looked shocked & shut up.

I think I surprised myself at the time but I was strongly protective of my uncle, even as a kid. We were bought up to have understanding & kindness.

Some people are vile. Pity them.

Moomoomie · 30/11/2013 20:08

I have challenged people before, but always feel so shaky afterwards. Last summer similar happened, whole family on the beach probably about 10 people... Looks, whispering, sneers etc.
I did actually say as I walked past " have you never seen a child with special needs before?"
I suppose I feel so sad because it is happening every where we go.
Joni..... Ok, maybe slightly twatish! Grin

OP posts:
RudolphLovesoftplay · 01/12/2013 06:50

That's sad :( my DS has an invisible disability, but I have the say the disapproving looks tend to come from middle age or older people. The younger generation are much more accepting. Having said that, he is still young (and obviously exceptionally good looking biased, moi? ) so there might be the "cute" factor involved still?

Moomoomie · 01/12/2013 17:37

I agree Rudolph, whilst they are young and cute the different behaviours are not so noticeable.
It is when they are bigger, dd3 is now 6,that they become more noticeable.
We were told that a child with FASD are often half their age in terms of emotions and behaviour etc. so acting like a three year old but being the size of a six year old is odd, and it will only get worse the older the child gets.
Even teachers at school don't understand totally so I don't expect total strangers too, although I also don't expect dd to be laughed at.

OP posts:
fasparent · 01/12/2013 23:50

Our DD had all the Dearing looks of a child with FASD, angelic , pretty,
small for her age , all would smile , whisper, she was a little atom, none would know her invisible problems, Her teenage brothers and sisters loved her. She is now 25 don't like the stigma , works , drives, has full
FAS and Many FASD problems and will have them for life. Tough start but can with help and support and understanding succeed. Please all think positives. Our children can excel.

Italiangreyhound · 02/12/2013 00:52

fasparent that is very moving that you say Please all think positives. Our children can excel. can you give any tips on how you have managed to help your dd excel (great news). Can I ask what are Dearing looks?
Thanks Smile

Moomoomie · 02/12/2013 08:30

I have always thought positive where all three of my children are concerned.
They are all excelling in life, to overcome what they have all been through... Like all our children have..... And to continue to be the funny, jolly sociabble children that they are.
We are very supportive of them.

OP posts:
fasparent · 02/12/2013 17:08

Best tip is inclusion's, lots of fun and exercise DD Excelled in sport's, partly due too having lots of youngster's around her also the social side of things. DS has CP his forte was music this is ALL he can do as an Adult.,
but can bring the house down, has been on TV and played 02 arena with Jules Holland still doing occasional GIG . see www.drake music project.
of How. Started at age 7. Other DS age 12 Has CP , Autism , and Communication problems his Forte is Dance Latin and Ballroom is ranked No 3 in the UK, again its inclusion meets lots of young people and TEENAGERS who love him and take an interest and care of him also
knows lots of youngsters from other dance schools.

fasparent · 03/12/2013 11:25

Dearing looks , DS has FASD Diagnosed looks as if butter would melt
Term time exclusions 3 a term are normal, Out of school Excel's in football. Plays at top Academy level travel's all over the country on team bus and abroad is no trouble at all, team and staff know he has problems, We say has development delays difficulty in processing every day things and instructions need simple direction short too the point.
Best achievement Man of the match against AC Milan in Italy.
His school are great know the problems ring us when its too much we go
in calm things, bring him home if need be . Again its inclusion and people around him knowing and understanding his problem. Sure he will be an asset he will do better in college. Probable coaching or suchlike.

Maryz · 03/12/2013 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5HundredUsernamesLater · 04/12/2013 19:46

I have a severely disabled teenage daughter who has a tracheostomy and uses mechanical ventilation and I can honestly say I have never had a bad experience involving teenagers or anyone else. We go out and about all the time and would go as far as to say that it is most often teenagers that hold doors open for us etc. I also remember a time when my daughter had dropped her glove and I hadn't noticed and a young lad chased after us to kindly return it. I'm sorry to hear others have had these awful experiences and I guess after reading the above that we have been very lucky.

Moomoomie · 04/12/2013 22:27

Thank you for posting 5hundred.
Maybe you have had only positive experiences because your dd has a "visible disability".
As dd does not have any visible signs of her disability people just assume she is not disabled and just being naughty or "weird"
Even teachers at school do not totally understand her brain damage.
I'm pleased to hear you have never had negative comments, as it really hurts.

OP posts:
5HundredUsernamesLater · 04/12/2013 23:38

Yes, you are probably right and it must be so hurtful for you. Us parents of such special children have so much to deal with already without the thoughtlessness and ignorance of others. I wish you both all the best.

NanaNina · 04/12/2013 23:53

I think there is a difference between "visible" disability and "invisible" - one of my grandsons has autism. He is very handsome and looks "normal" so when he starts to be obstinate or obsessed with something or other, it is often difficult to get him away from whatever has taken his fancy. Very recently I had him in Mothercare and he'd been having a fun time playing with all the toys that had lights (he loves lights of any kind) and didn't want to move away. I tried for ages with little success, even though he's only 8 once he's made up his mind he's not moving it can be very difficult. In the end I got him to the counter to pay for something by wheeling him in a toy car that was on display and was for kids to ride in (though obviously for a much younger child) Both assistants looked at me and one said "Oh we've been watching you, he's a handful isn't he" and the other commented that he was too big for the car which was meant for 3/4 year olds." This was quite obvious as his feet were sticking over the top of the steering wheel, and so I told them he was autistic and they did have the good grace to apologise.

So sorry for all parents/relatives of SNs children - I guess some people will always react in an adverse way.

Italiangreyhound · 05/12/2013 01:13

I have helped at a club for people with learning difficulties. Some have Downs Syndrome which is very visable and others do not. They can all do or say 'funny' things in certain situations - e.g. pull faces or shout out things to others which sound a bit inappropriate. When at the club it is fine because we are all there together but on outings it is harder. I certainly found it 'easier' myself to be with the people who obviously have a diffifulty because people kind of understand why.

Moomoomie · 05/12/2013 11:00

Thank you 5hundred. As you say, life is difficult enough with a child with SN.
It is difficult for me to tell people dd's diagnosis without then saying that she is adopted. I feel itis her story to tell, and at present she does not want to tell people.
I really do hope that the next generation grow up to be more understanding.

OP posts:
Rosesarebeautiful · 06/12/2013 20:17

I think the generalisations about the rudeness of teenagers are unfair.

You get kind people and horrible people in every generation. My DD's teenage friends have been brilliant about accepting her Tourettes. Whereas her Gran has been openly rude and unpleasant about it.

If my DS sees that people are looking at him strangely when the see him ticcing he just says 'I have Tourettes'.
I'm really proud of his openness. The only way to educate is to communicate.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.