Matching questions

[Italiangreyhound]

Hi all, just a few questions for anyone who has been successfully matched, please?

When looking at profiles and thinking of children do you go with your gut instinct of try and be logical?

We have felt one gender would fit better with our family but have tried to be very open, some social worker seem open too but some are really persuading to go for the opposite gender, based on what they think will suit our family.

I feel a bit scared because social workers don't know us very well (except our own social worker, who only took us as far as panel) and it is just so diccicult. It feels like an enormous decision even to ask for details of a child and it is scary!

Just feeling the enormity of it all.

Please do PM me if you would be willing to share specific stories about how it worked for you, or post below if you would be willing to share.

Hi,

Our experience might be common or unusual, I'm not sure.....

We only saw profiles after our social worker had carefully considered them and deemed them suitable, so a degree or screening already done. She presented the first few with helpful "I think you need to consider this....".

We discounted the first few, which was bloody hard at the time. I would have taken any of the forward, but my very logical husband felt differently.

In hindsight, that decision was of course hugely significant, because the next profile we saw was our sons.

I didn't feel a special connection to begin with, but it definitely grew over time and by the time we went to panel, I was really ready to fight for him to be ours.

Hello, we have recently been linked and waiting for matching panel. We have been lucky in the we agreed with our sw that she would filter out the profiles for us and only show us ones that for our requirements.

From this we got one profile which although did not 'pull' us emotionally on paper there was no reason to say no. So we said yes. Something came up from the info and that link broke down.

We were then shown another profile again no real emotional pull but on paper a good fit - 2 weeks before matching panel health issues came to light - we pulled out of the link.

We were then shown 3 profiles (2boys 1 girl). Age wise and background the girl was perfect but for me I wanted my dh to have a relationship with a son as we already have a dd. I also felt if we went for the girl we would want to adopt again for a son and that might not be possible. We also worried about comparisons with our birth daughter.

At the same time my dh had a very strong emotional pull to one of the other profiles which he had not had before. I felt this could not be ignored so we went with that profile and the more we read about him the more he is a great match for us. That said some of his background was secretly what I was dreading to have to deal with but for us he is the 'one'.

I suppose I am saying for me there was no emotional pull but I was lead by my head for dh it was heart. So don't worry if it ends up being either with you.

I hope you don't mind but have name changed for this as don't know how to pm.

X

We only ever read two profiles - those of our two DCs.

With DS we were told that two family finding social workers were looking through a pile of approved adopters whose profiles matched Ds's needs. They saw our photo on the front and both said to each other "that's his new mum and dad". Apparently they it was because I resembled DS.

We read his profile and fell in love. Before we had even seen a photo.

The second time we were matched because we were the only family in the county who had ticked yes to a health issue that DD potentially had. In the end she didn't have it but we didn't find that out until after we had adopted her.

We knew as soon as we read her profile that we were going to go ahead regardless of any health issues.

Undercoverme hee hee thanks! I don't know how to name change! To pm you click on the words message poster in the same line as your info - pale blue, your name, date, time, add message, report and then 'Message poster'.

Thanks for your kind words and thoughts.

TrinnyandSatsuma yes, it is bloody hard! I feel awful for not wanting to adopt them all!

Angel how lovely. Thank you for sharing.