Adoption Register

[LilyBongo]

After being approved eight months ago for a child in a "hard to place" age group (4 - 7), and still not having found a match , our S.W has suggested registering with the Adoption Register.
Naturally this could mean a logistical nightmare during the introductory period (if for example the child lives at the other end of the country), but has anyone else experienced an adoption through the Register?

Sorry LilyB no experience of this - why don't you try Adoption UK?

I know lots of familes who have done this. Its fine. Ok its a hassle to travel for the intorductions, but they only last about 2 weeks. More of a hassle if your child has ongoing face to face contact with birth family or foster carers in another area.

On the plus side, you wont run the risk of bumping into birth family members in the supermarket!!

The supervision post placement will probably be passed to a local social worker ( local to you). Unless the child has a close relatioship with their existing worker

You really need to join Adoption Uk and get their magazine , which has LOADS of children avaiabel for adoption from all over the country

8 montsh after approval isnt really long ( I knwo it feels it!). Your Sw shoudl have prepared you for this and shoudl be working harder to find your child.

You also need to contact BAAF who also produce a regular publication featuring children available for adoption. I also know people who have produced something like a CV with their basic details, photos etc on to circulate to social services depts (adoption and fostering) These can then be seen by social workers who are trying to place children and you might just be matched before a child gets as far as being advertised. Try to put as much as poss in about your interests, things you enjoyed as a child etc because these are all things which can be used at the matching stage. Good Luck!

I know it sounds like we're being impatient - but we were lead to believe that the entire process would take no longer than a pregnancy, naively we believed them.
We're not just looking within the immediate local authority area, we've been looking within the consortium of outlying areas already (due to Hubby's job), but the prospect of a child from the adoption register does seem more appealing, as KristinaM pointed out - we'd be less likely to have unexpected meetings with relatives.
Beemail, thank you for your advice about the BAAF publication, I'm guessing that you're referring to "Be My Parent", we've been subscribing to that for twelve months now, just after our home assessments began. The C.V thing seems worth a mention to the S.W though.
And KristinaM I am now going to go onto Adoption UK and register for their publication.
Thanks guys!

Lily - I think you SHOULD be impatient!!! Your child is out there waiting for you! I think you need to be LESS patient and look for your child yourself, not wait for the SS to find her/him

Well I did as I said - I registered with Adoption UK earlier, and had a look on their database for the children who were waiting - there were only 14 of them! None really suitable, I'll be accosting the postman everyday now to see if he fetches me their "catalogue" (and I know that sounds harsh but that's basically what it is!)
Have to say this whole experience has made us very cynical and bitter. Other half has passed the comment that despite their job title Social Workers are neither (social or workers), kids are getting seriously disinterested as they seem to be trying to detatch from the hurt that they are experiencing at NOT yet having a new sibling, as for me ... because of having been denied what looked like two perfect matches because of my job as a childminder, I'm seriously questioning my ability of both, am I really a good mum and childminder, as certain S.W are of the opinion I can't be both.
Really getting down now.

I know the process is very disheartening. Especially if you thought it would be much shorter. But dont let Sws get you down - some of their criteria can seem totally off the wall eg

they are mostly working mums themselves but wont place babies with other working mums.

eg you can get turned down for being too different from the birth family AND too similar to the birth family!!!

Do they want you to give up CM so you can spend more time with a child placed with you?

Our S.W was great about the minding, and saw it very much as a positive thing - great child friendly environment, loads of other kids around for the placed child to mix with and learn from. It has been outside S.W's, the children's S.W's, who have seen it as a problem. Our S.W said that they will have had concerns for the safety and welfare of the minded children - all due respect the minded children are NOTHING to do with the S.W, and their inferrence implies that I aren't capable of providing a safe environment for the minded children.
I did ask the question if I would be looked on more favourably if I went back out to work full time and left the children either in the care of a childminder, or rely on my elderly, and rapidly becoming infirm, mother!
Grrrrr! It's so bloody infuriating!
Are you approved and awaiting a match too?

I know, I dont think most people realise that getting approved is only teh first stage. Its a bit like getting your mortgage arranged befroe you go house hunting - its necessary but not sufficient to get you what you want. No good if you offer on lots of houses but arent accepted. No good saying "the mortgage company must thnink we are Ok or they wouoldnt lend to us". No come back if vendors wont sell their house to you becasue you are too young/ old/ black/white/straight/gay whatever.

I think as lot of placing SW have very unrealistic fanciful ideas about the "ideal" family for "their" child. You know, must be under 40 but experienced. Have parenting experince but no kids at home. Well off enough to have one parent at home full time but not too middle class. mature in outlook but never argue or disagree with SS.Live in beasutiful home in teh couuntry but with every amenity on the doorstep.Good support network but no social life

And no, you cant work full time or leave the children either in the care of a childminder or your mother.

sorry, no I'm not in the process of adopting. Just know a little bit about it.

I usually stay off the adoption threads on Mn but noticed your post in "unanswered questions" & have now got drawn in on other adoption threads....

Note to self to button it

Kristina please don't button it, you're helping keep me sane

(you do seem quite knowledgeable on the subject, are you by any chance a social worker! )

NO NO NO I AM DEFINITELY NOT A SW

Oh good - after my comments about them not being social nor workers - I'd've still talked to you though!

Lily....we adopted both our DS's after being placed on the register. We travelled 200 miles for the introductions....but I would have travelled to the moon and back to get my guys.
Be my parent (also known as kiddieautomart amongst many adopters) usually has children who are more difficult to place or need to be adopted out of area.
My sis is on the short list for two littlies who were in BMP a couple of months back....she will know this week if she has been sucessful in moving on to the next stage.....my fingers are firmly crossed for her.

Hellooo!
Just wondering if I've gone to the moon and thought I'd see if you guys were talking to me as I've not heard a dickie bird from SW since starting this thread.
T'would seem like I'm the hard to place, not the kids!
Jayzmummy, how's your sis' process going has she been successful?

Hello Lily - I'll speak to you we can commiserate with each other about our slow processes! My paperwork has disappeared into a black hole in kazakhstan and I despair of it ever surfacing. I think I'm beginning to lose my marbles! Now have to have my home study updated as its already out of date.

Sue that's awful!
Do you ever question why you're doing it? I know it's an awful question to ask, and you don't have to answer, I know that your circumstances are different to ours; I know I've often questioned "why".
We came into this to give a child a second chance, and we have had a rough ride (or it seems like it), it's tested our decision ("well we've got two birth children - we'll not bother, cos there's no one out there that needs a new family immediately"), it's tested our marriage - other half is a special constable and doing LOADS of extra shifts now so that he can cut it right down WHEN we get a child . Kids are losing interest and faith in the system, which is sad when they started out so enthusiastically .
I bet you're like us and want to open your home and your heart to a child who needs you.
Thank you for talking to me, I hope that the black hole spits out the paperwork and doesn't digest it.
L xxx

Yes LilyB I do question at times, not so much WHY I'm doing this but whether it will be worth all the stress. Unltimately I think it will, which is what keeps me going. My case is slightly different to yours, I have no birth children so this is my only chance to have a family and so if I give this up I am in effect accepting that I won't have my own family.

I have thought at times that this isn't necessarily the end of the world and if anything went horribly wrong, I'm sure I could have a happy fulfilling life without children. But it wouldn't be my first choice and therefore I'm generally very single minded about it. The worst thing is the lack of a finite end date, but I just have faith that it will work out in the end - it has worked out for others so there's no reason why it won't work out for me.

Hope you get sorted with your paperwork soon - I'm sure any child placed will be very very loved and extremely lucky!
It is the not knowing WHEN it'll happen which is frustrating. But like you say it WILL be worth it when it happens.