References/referees

[Inthebeginning]

Some of the agencies we've spoken too have said three people each which is fine , but they say at least two have to not be relatives. We're really close to,our families but would it look bad for us if none were relatives?

Our agency spoke to both of our parents and then we had referees on top of that.
To be honest, I think they would think it a bit odd that you did not include family, especially as you get on well.

That's great thank you. Think we've got too many people to choose from (and I'm over thinking it all!)

Hi again!
Our LA were suspicious that we included a relative that lived 3 hours away and wondered why we didn't use a relative who lives around the corner - (though we had very good logic IMO) and once we explained at MP they understood.
We used 1 relative, 1 friend and 1 work reference each.
They thought it odd too that we didn't include parents as referees but we felt this would put unnessesary pressure on elderly people & that they would worry about being interviewed and I stand by that.
During assessment they seemed more interested in us having a strong LOCAL network who we could call upon in times of need.
Finally, IMO RE support network etc I feel it all changes when you have a child anyway and the people that support you are not the ones you expected and vice versa.

Thanks allthings , you are my adoption guru! :)
At the moment I have got work colleague and friend on my list. Dh has 2friends (he is manager at work and the rest are a lot younger tha him so don't really "get" him iykwim)
I totally understand what you mean about relatives, we could easily put our parents but I know both sides would stress out. Dh could put his sister if not. My brother lives 3hours away and my cousin I'm closer to is the same, I do have my auntie though.
We made a list of our support network the other day (not that we are eager or anything) and we do have a good group around us of both family and friends.
Thank you again!

We had a family member each.
Then a friend each who had known us for a long time.
Then two couples who knew both of us and had seen us interact with their children.
They sent a questionaire to all of them, and then visited 3.

If you're not sure who to pick, ask your SW what kind of info they are trying to cover. e.g. One of DHs references changed when we understood they wanted someone who had known him for ages.