scared stiff

[funnychic]

I am in floods on tears and I am having doubts can anyone help me? I have been given details on a perfect match, everything seems incredibly good and I am first choice for this little one but I am having a major crisis of confidence and feel like I am doing the wrong thing by even thinking about adoption. I am a single adopter and have been so confident but now it's real and so near I am seriously thinking I should forget it all and carry on with my life as it is.
Please don't anyone be harsh on me because I am feeling so bad right now that I don't know which way to turn.

wrt the appearance of the child...when I first saw dd on video, I thought she was gorgeous. Met her a few months later, thought she was gorgeous. The around the time of her birthday, when it was nearly time for her to be ours and panic was setting in, I suddenly didn't see her gorgeousness. I thought she was very plain. Then when she came home, I thought there was never a girl so lovely in the world.

I definitely think your brain plays tricks on you.

When I first saw ds1 I thought he was very odd looking. By the time I had him for a couple of hours I felt sorry for him, and by the end of the week wild horses couldn't have got him away from me, I thought he was the most wonderful baby in the world.

I look back at photographs and he was seriously strange looking. And dressed in awful clothes. Had I been shown a photograph I might have run a mile.

Maryzed - it's funny you say that about photographs! The girls that we have been matched with (and meet next week!!) look gorgeous in the original photos we have seen. Then in additional ones we have been given taken by the SW one of the girls always looks really sweaty with her hair all over the place! It's quite funny really but I do wonder what our reaction would have been if we had seen those first.

It does strike me as a bit odd that we haven't been able to actually get any decent quality photos or a decent dvd (the one we had the FC had taken on her phone and was taken as evidence of a tantrum!).

By now though we've spent so long looking at them and all the information that in real life they could be completely diferent!

Hi everyone, well today feels like a different day. I feel more confident and calm I know its only 10.41 plenty of time for change!! lol Baby's SW is coming to see me in a couple of weeks with a DVD and more photos which I am pleased about. Lots of you have made me laugh with your stories of "odd" looking children and them changing appearance over months and I know your right, the photo I have of my baby is absolutely adorable infact probably a little too adorable and a bit staged, I think my panic came from not expecting any news but her surprising me with the news, expecting her background to be the worse possible senario which it isn't, and the fact she is younger than I was expecting and just the general OMG what am I doing to my life. Anyway I know why I am doing it and I know it is the right decision. I'm not going to say that I wont be having plenty more wobbles in the near future but I hope they will be minor ones.
All I can say is I will be updating you all as I go along especially in a couple of weeks when I meet her SW but thank god for this forum and all you lovely people who have helped me immensley you really have no idea how much!! If I could I would buy you all a drink xx

I don't have anything useful to say as I'm just at the prep course stage, but good luck I'm sure in a years time when she is home and settled you'll look back at this thread and laugh. Or you'll link it for me or italian or tetley or any of the other newbies out there when we get to matching and have our OMG what are we doing!!!!!!! moments too x x x

I'm so glad you're feeling better today funny :)

It is such an emotional time and your brain is in overdrive, so go easy on yourself with any future little wobbles

So happy you are feeling better. This forum is great. I too have just had lots of support on a thread I started.
Hope all goes well with the meeting with the child's SW, remember your list of questions to ask him/her.
So glad too that the circumstances of her adoption are not to horrific.

So very pleased you are feeling better about this. It must have been such a mad range of emotions to deal with all at once.

Wishing you all the best for that meeting! I have everything crossed for you!

Can you tell us how old she is? Ish?

That's great, funnychic. I hope the calmness sticks around for a while!

Ladyofthehouse, how exciting for you. I hope it goes really well next week for you.

Sorry Devora I didn't even think to tell you. She is 16 months at the moment with xmas and awaiting a panel date it will more than likely be January intro's so will be 19 months when she comes to me which I think is a lovely age. She has a fab trendy name in fact one I would have picked myself so I feel very lucky.

Ladyofthehouse, so pleased for you too, how old are your little one's? what day do you start intos? please come back and update us on your intro's I for one will be sat with baited breath to her about them.
Good luck xx

"The photo I have of my baby "

Funnychic- that quote from your last post gave me goosebumps!

Happy, I wasn't even conscious I had written that, isn't it funny! Had a few more good days since my meltdown, just got back from Toy's R Us, didn't buy anything but got several things in mind if/when I get the thumbs up.

Hope you are having a good weekend and little one is fit and healthy again.
x

Ah, I remember my first trip to John Lewis baby dept.
I wandered around in a daze!

You will find that, once you start telling people, you are offered all sorts of things :)

We had a lovely weekend and she is much better now, thankyou!

It was amazing the amount of toys we were offered when we adopted our older two.
I even remember coming home one day to find a bag on the doorstep with lovely clothes and bed linen in. I never really found out exactly who they come from, all I knew it was a lovely work colleague.

We were the same Moomoomie. I don't think I bought any clothes at all for either ds1 or dd for about the first year.

People I hadn't seen for years were turning up on my doorstep with sackloads of stuff.

Hello, I wanted to empathise with your feelings of panic. I have at various times since approval in June this veered from terror to excitement. I often find I'm choking back tears whilst at work.

My favourite thing to do is Hoover up any info on adoption I can, and since our failed link in the summer it has slightly tipped me over the edge into fear. I've read too many blogs and forum posts by those who struggle with their children's behaviour, and other people's reactions. Even though I know that this might not happen to us, it freaks me right out. I usually find comfort in understanding all the angles, but in adoption there are so many!

It's always great to hear when people have been having a good time, or have recovered from their angst, we need to keep giving each other hope!

Hiya ThetragicClam, thanks for the reply and I certainly feel your pain! However since my original meltdown I have managed to put my feelings back together, I have gone from terrified and wanting to call it all off to now being dare I say excited.
I know what you mean about all the post's re. children's behaviour and problems and I too have done plenty of worrying about it, but I have managed to speak to quite a few adopters mostly via private message who have had little or no issues which has certainly helped me to realise that people mostly post when they need help, assistance and experience and those who are having a good time don't feel the need to sit and post about how happy they are.
I hope that has given you a little reassurance and hope that the same maybe the case for you and I.
I'm not out of the wood's yet I have my baby's sw coming to see me in a week or so and I'm hoping she doesn't tell me anything that might get me worrying that this is the right match but if she does I do know that the people on here will offer me advice and moral support when I need it most.
Best wishes to you