tinkerbell we have come across a VA who had something like 'need to have been a couple for at least three years' in their guidelines. The thing is, every agency, be it LA or VA, is different. Their criteria are quite arbitrary. We have found there is no point in arguing - if they have a certain criteria, or if their medical advisor says something, then that is final. (At first I tried to argue. In one case the SW came round to my point of view and agreed that I was right. They still didn't proceed with us - we didn't pass the check-list. After that, I stopped arguing.) You really just have to look around until you find one that likes you. We were rejected, out of hand, by a few; but in the end we still had three who would definitely take us on, and more to pursue if we wanted to.
The difference being, obviously, they didn't tell you immediately but rather took you on, started stage 1, and only then told you no. Which feels a bit mean and pointless - it costs everyone time. But then again, would it have felt any better if they had dismissed you out of hand due to medical concerns, without even having the medical conducted?
It sounds a bit as if you were taking things very personally. It's hard not to! It is after all very personal, and these people are judging your life and deciding about your future.
However, particularly in the pre-assessment stage and in stage 1, I think it helps if you manage NOT to take it so personally. From the agencies' perspective it isn't particularly personal - they are just going through check-lists and ticking boxes. It is not about you as a person, it is only if you fit a check-list or not (and the check list is different at every agency)
Then stage 2 becomes INTENSELY personal - but if my experience is anything to go by, in stage 2 the SW starts seeing you as a whole person, and it is much less about check-lists but more about you and your real, imperfect but good-enough life.
Wishing you the best of luck to quickly get that check-listy stage behind you!