Newbies

[Italiangreyhound]

Hi I am a newbie and only just started this journey, officially made the call last week.

Just interested how may other newbies are out there who are still in the early stages. I keep coming across people and recognising names. Anyone want to let on what stage they are at?

:-))))))))))) Congrats!!

Thanks choccyjules, now we've got the waiting to be matched! I did ask SW if I could just go and introduce myself to family finders. Got told no lol :(

Great news, congrats!!

congrats daisiemoo!

Hi Cheery! We have been thinking long and hard about concurrent planning and have done quite some research. If you search on here, there are a few threads where it has been discussed. Don't hesitate to ask if you've got any specific questions… though answers from my side will always be of the 'theoretical' kind, as in, 'that's what we thought and considered', rather than, 'that's how it was for us'… as we are not there yet.
Did your SW give you any pointers as to where to find out more about it?

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for your kind welcome.

Congratulations Daisiemoo I hope it's not long until you find a match.

Meita our SW didn't really give us any info, other than a couple who were on our prep group have done it, and that she'll talk to us about it next week when we're out. She just asked whether it was something we wanted to find out more about, which having a quick scout about online, we think we do. At the moment our main 'concern' is the risk of the child/ren being removed. I read on another forum that there's an 85-92% chance of the child going on to be adopted, which does seem high, but when you turn it on it's head, an 8 - 15% chance that they'll be removed doesn't seem so good! The SW said that if it was something that we wanted to pursue it would be done on a case by case basis and so if we felt the risk was too high, it wouldn't be right for us. This weekend is going to be researching, so I will have a look through the MN boards and see what I can find - thank you so much for the tip.

If you don't mind me asking - have you and your DH decided to pursue it, or decided against it?

Closerthanyesterday I don't know the answer to your question, but I have heard of events recently where approved adopters go along to a day where there are the SW's of children waiting to be adopted. They have videos, photos and more info about the children, and adopters can speak to them before deciding to pursue a link. I have no idea what these events are called though, so that's probably no use at all, sorry!

congratulations daisy ! wonderful news! You must be so happy!

cheery we very briefly looked at it but said no ultimately for three reasons. 1) we couldn't bare the thought of having to give them back if it failed 2) we would I understand be foster patents so have to take them for meet ups with birth parents (we felt this would make it difficult to bond-for us not them) 3) whoever was off with the child would not get adoption leave/pay at the beginning which we would not have been able to afford. I know someone on our prep course was going to do it though, they seemed very positive.

We are painting the living room this weekend, the last of the rooms to be done. That means we will have done the whole house in 12 months. Never again!

trying to do anything other than think about Panel!

Cheery we haven't decided definitely either for or against it. We are clearly open to consider it but in the end, it would depend on the particular child/case and background in question.
So we can imagine that we would say no to a concurrency placement given some particular circumstances, but would say yes in different circumstances.

The 15% chance that baby goes home to birth mum, we are trying to see from a fostering perspective: If baby gets to go home, it is surely a good thing? If we care for that child, we should be happy for them not having to be adopted but being able to grow up with their birth family. I know that this is the theory and it may well feel very different in reality!

Also, those 15% are an average, and not really relevant. You would have to look at an individual case and consider what the likelihood is IN THIS CASE. There might be a child up for a concurrency placement where the likelihood for adoption is 99%, and there might be a child for a concurrency placement where there is a real chance that the child gets to go home. We figured we would decide on the basis of individual cases, rather than a blanket yes or no to concurrency.

That said, we do think it is a good thing and in many ways it would be right for us. However we are not holding our breaths - there are very few concurrency placements yet. We won't be waiting around for a concurrency placement if we 'find' our future child in the traditional way before a suitable concurrency placement comes along...

Meita Your comments sum up our feelings perfectly! On paper and in theory I agree that it is a good thing for the child to go back... But in reality after we've cared for and loved them, I am not sure I would see it quite so clearly if that makes sense. It's that that I need to get my head around - whether I think we're strong enough to potentially put ourselves through such heartache.

We are definitely not going to only look for that type of placement, and if one comes up it will certainly be on a case by case basis that we make any decisions.

After doing some research this morning I have come across two terms - concurrency and foster to adopt. From reading the various explanations, it would seem that what our SW is referring to is foster to adopt (although the two terms seem to be used interchangeably all over the shop!). Do you know - are the two basically the same in terms of the number of returns to birth families? Or because the child has been with foster carers, is their future more certain?

Sorry to bombard you with questions!

I believe 'fostering to adopt' is where the LA knows that the plan is adoption and the child won't be returning to their birth parents. The people linked with the child for adoption are approved in the meantime as foster carers - for this child only - to save a layer of loss/separation if they went to foster care first.
What no-one seems able to tell me is where these particular circumstances happen. One SW said it was when the LA know they will be removing a child from the maternity unit. Our current SW has no idea!

Meita Great news. There were lots of children we could consdier at the day. I mean there were hundreds of children and now I am wideing my search and genuinely not so bothered by gender or age, it does feel easier to consider children. Happy to say more if you want me to.

Welcome CheeryGiraffe (what a fantastic name!)

CloserThanYesterday An exchange or profiling event is where profiles of waiting children are displayed. You can read the basic profiles of children see their picture, or in a few cases they have more than one picture on them, and you can sometimes also see a short video clip of them or meet their foster carer or social worker (depending, of course, if they are at the event). Activity days are very well covered in the documentary 'Finding Mum and Dad' which you can watch on Channel 4 OD at

www.channel4.com/programmes/finding-mum-and-dad/4od

It is where children are present and they have a fun day out with lots to do and prospective adopters get to interact with the kids in a fun setting. It is especially good for children who on paper appear (hate this phrase but it is what it is) 'harder to place' children (no offence intended).

Daisiemoo congratulations.

Meita you said that with Concurrent Planning you could look at individual cases and each one would be different and I agree. My knowledge, like you say your knowledge, on this matter, is theoretical in that I looked into it.

You said there might be a child for a concurrency placement where there is a real chance that the child gets to go home. I am not sure this is the case, it might be, but our social worker told us/implied that only children where there was a very high likelihood they would need to be adopted would be put forward for Concurrent Planning.

The best place to find out what is available is to ask your county/LA/VA (not even sure if VAs do it but someone may know) or if you are not yet with an LA to ask around.

You can also look at Coram which is based in London and I think (not know but think) this was one of the first to kind of pilot this idea.

Planning

My understanding is that Concurrent Planning means planning for more than one thing at a time. So the first option is always that the child will go home with birth mum if this is possible, secondly a family member will be looked for who can bring the child up, if neither of those choices are possible the person who has been 'fostering' the child in the Concurrent Planning placement will be able to adopt them (assuming nothing else is amiss/problems or whatever).

Please anyone knows more correct me if I am wrong. Although the first choice is that baby goes home with birth mum if possible this is unlikely to happen because if it was likely to happen the child would be in foster care or in a mum and baby foster place where the mum can be assessed.

My understanding is that if doing Concurrent Planning you would be eligible for fostering allowance, which is not the same as a salary but is money and, of course, you would have to OK with your work. Apparently once the placement changes to adoption from 'fostering' you would be able to start adoption leave and would not be eligible for fostering allowance. I have been told that the law may change next year so that this needs to be available to all but at the moment I guess you just need either an employer who is willing to give you unpaid leave, or to be self employed or to be able to give up work.

We chose not to do it for three main reasons; we have a birth child and have talked for 18 months about a new brother or sister. If we had known that we might consider Concurrent Planning we would have said we were looking after a child and then if it all went through said here is a new brother or sister! Maybe that is not the way to do it, I don’t know but having talked about it in a fairly certain terms we could not face putting our 9 year old daughter through that uncertainly. That is just us, not criticising anyone else who does it. As I say if the birth child/older child does not expect it to be definite then it is not putting them through the uncertainty.

Secondly, concurrency requires a level of involvement with birth family which I was not sure I was really ready for. It involved taking child to see birth family etc which might be harder to do (I need to be back to collect my kid from school etc but other reasons for me I might have found that hard) and of course it is all time away from bonding with them yourself but these are selfish reasons I am not very proud of!
Lastly it requires a flexible enough employer or the need to give up work; the former might be true but the latter definitely not!

I think Concurrent Planning is a brilliant idea

I hope it will be a reality for many more children, I have only really heard of it in relation to babies and very young children. It saves the child having that step of foster carer between birth mum and adoptive family and I feel for that reason is more child-focused and better.

In our area there was only one or two examples of it so far but we said we were interested and were told when it was really up and running people could opt for concurrency or regular adoption and just see which opportunity because available first, so no adopter would sit and wait for concurrency, unless that was what they wanted, if you see what I mean.

BUT must say again, this is what I have heard and read and NOT what I have experienced.

I must say for very young children I do think it is a good idea and very young children tend to sleep in the car so travelling time would actually possibly not be bonding time but just nap time, so might not be such a trouble, but there could be other reasons it would work better for some adopters than others.

Have not read all these just used my friend Dr Google!

Planning/

Planning

www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-16208011

Just be aware some things that will pop up will be from USA.

Phew, masses of information from an uninformed person! Just check it all out with your social worker in your area because I may have it all wrong!!

www.coram.org.uk/our-children/babies-under-two-our-concurrent-planning sorry that other link did not work.

Hello everyone, I am also a newbie but have been reading these boards for about a year now - so even though I've not been posting I am cheering on posters like Italian and Inthebeginning moving on to the next stages!

We were booked on an adoption information evening last March but sadly we had a lot of health/family issues going on at the time so made the decision to pull out. We've now decided that 2014 is the year that we'll make the call (again!).

We do have some home improvements that I'd like to get in order first before we do make the call so it's not going to be straight away, but I do like to be prepared!

Can I ask - any other teachers who have adopted/going through the process? Now that the timescales appear to be a little more rigid for the approval process (have people found that to be the case?) I'm wondering, in order to make the most of the school holiday time, is there a better time to apply so that prep groups, approval (and, hopefully) matching occur with minimal disruption to the working schedule? I realise that's probably a tall order but would be good to know others' experiences of timescales.

Hi wannadisco,
The thing is that the clock only ticks for the 6 months of the approval process.
Before that, there is the 'initial inquiries' phase. This can take quite a while (for us it was 5 months, some of that due to our own dithering about, some of it down to slow processes at LAs) but it can also be very quick. So for instance, one LA we called, they had an open evening the very next day. That was lucky. At the open evening we arranged for an initial home visit, the earliest appointment they could give was over 3 weeks away. After the initial home visit, they wrote up a report and told us they would accept us into the assessment process, within 5 days. So from initial phone call to being able to send off our 'registration of interest' there were about 4 weeks. They would then have 5 days to officially accept our registration, then the 6 months would start ticking.

However, another LA we wrote to, they didn't reply at all. Three weeks later, we wrote again, and were invited to a meeting with the team manager at their offices, just a week later. At the meeting were told that they would accept us into assessment but we should go away and think about it for about two weeks first, then get back in touch if still interested. So that is 6 weeks from first inquiry to ROI, or so we thought… we then took quite a bit longer to think about things, but when we eventually did call them back to say we would like to proceed, it took us 10 days to get hold of someone. Then we were told that we would have to have another/proper initial home visit first, and had to wait about 3 weeks for that to happen. Then the SW took 4 weeks to write up her report, and it took another 10 days for the team to decide that they would accept us into assessment. So in fact it was 6 weeks PLUS another 10 weeks, from our first contact, to being able to send off our ROI. (that's excluding the time we took extra to think about things).

Ok so if you are planning on scheduling the 6 months around school times, that would mean you'd have to start the initial contacts quite quickly, then once they accept you for submitting a ROI, hold back with that until the time is right.

Oops got to go but that is some first thoughts!

wannadisco welcome and thanks for cheering me on. I am not a teacher so hope someone who is will come along and chat.

I do wonder if you would be able to talk to the LA or whoever you go with and see the times scales involved and work towards that rather than getting the house in order before you start. Especially as you would like to work around your job etc. I mean if your house is in a state of disrepair then you may need to make changes before you start but if you are just talking about decorating etc then you may want to just get the ball rolling first. Have you actually been to an information evening? If not then they may ask you to go to one and as they are probably only about 4 times a year you might as well find out when the next one is to avoid missing one.

wannadisco Just me being super over organised! Feel free to ignore!

Hi wanna I'm a teacher. I don't think there is anyway really to fit things in as you never know what is going to happen. I never told school until we'd been accepted onto stage one (this happened in the summer holidays) you can choose what days to go on the course (we said no to the first lot as they where on my birthday) some run on weekends too. As soon as I had a list of dates for visits etc I told school. I've had a couple of meetings with the head too to tell him it looks like we will be accepted and vague time scales but he is exceptionally understanding. To be honest I think he's treating it like I'm pregnant and it's maternity things. I've tried to fit s worker meetings around teaching so we've had them late afternoon so I only miss one lesson. I think it's helped that I've been like that.
When I spoke to him about our possible match the only thing he said was if it all went to plan would I be able to have the intros week during the holidays but I explained I would have that as first week of adoption leave and he was fine.
I think be upfront with them and be willing to bend some things.

Hope that helps and Welcome to the board!

Thank you for your responses!

Inthe - good to get a teacher's point of view! I thought I might be being quite optimistic about timescales and getting everything to work smoothly... I guess the reality is very different especially when it comes to matching, so I think I need to put that idea to the back of my mind!

Good point Meita about the period of time between the info evenings/choosing an LA and actually officially registering an interest. I hadn't thought about factoring that into our timescale. We live in London and have a number of boroughs to choose from - the borough that we live in would be our first choice as they come very highly recommended but obviously that comes with concerns about birth family being close by (especially with me teaching in the borough as well) ... So that's something we need to discuss with the LA and consider ourselves as well.

We don't have major renovations to do but our plans are more than just decorating so I think for our own peace of mind we'd like to get at least the big jobs out of the way first - would hate SW to come for an initial visit while we are in the middle of re-wiring the house, for example! Am I right in thinking the LA would do a brief home visit before saying yes/no to the ROI?

Okay, I already feel a bit clearer in my mind about this - thank you ladies! Sounds like we need to get the house stuff at least scheduled in and then book ourselves onto different LA info events ASAP and then begin to make a decision which borough to go with.

just another thing, not sure what you're planning but maybe check it over with la's first just to be on the safe side. (obvs not rewiring) but they do a health and safety check and I would hate the work you've done to have to be changed. We've had to have a bannister fitted (I've moaned on here about it) and a few other things too.just a thought!

Congratulations Daisy that's fantastic news!
I was just wondering if anyone else has changed jobs during the approval process? I've been unhappy in my job for a long time now, and last year was signed off for a few months due to anxiety related to to work. In the past few months it's become unbearable, and as much as I'm worried what impact it will have on our assessment I've decided to leave. I do have another job lined up, a job I was intending to do once we had a child placed with us as the hours are completely flexible. My dp will be the main earner as is stated on our finance forms, I will be working on a casual basis. I'm just really worried our sw will think question our stability. I plan to bring it up with her when I next see her as I've come to appreciate that honesty is the best policy in this process.

hi 32 Yes I think you're definitely right about honesty.
I think maybe word it that you're doing it for better quality of life for you and child and you would be able to spend more time with them?

Good luck with panel on Wed, Inthebeginning - let us all know how it goes. I will have fingers and toes crossed for you! Xxx
Well done , Daisy - next stop - matching!

Hi, I've not looked on here for a few weeks and loads has happened!
We have our info evening tonight so thank you to everyone who gave advice - I've written a list of questions on everything you said to take with me.
I have spent all morning deciding what to wear, a bit crazy since I normally only spend 5 minutes getting ready!
We've filled in our registration of interest form already do you think it's wise to take it with us and give it to them then? We're already sure we want to go with them as we know people who have in the past.
Thanks again for the advice, I'll let you know how we get on.

Thanks Italian ... that makes more sense now.

Congratulations to Daisy and good luck for panel inthebeginning!

We got the paperwork fiasco sorted out, emailed it in the end, and have now got medicals booked and a first visit from our social worker next week. Disproportionately excited for this early stage!

I'd say take it with you, potato ... a few people did that on our info evening. Good luck :-)

Inthebeginning, another one keeping everything crossed for you tomorrow.

Closer wow how exciting, and fast! I heard today that I have till 27 March to complete Stage 1 and am beginning to get checks etc booked in too. I don't get a home visit from SW till Stage 2 tho - in fact Stage 1 seems very self directed. Funny how differently different LAs are doing it.