Age of children when matched

[LocoParentis]

Hello, I've been lurking for a little while. My dh and I have recently decided adoption is the right choice for us.
We haven't started the application process yet as we want to settle into our decision for a few weeks.
we are hoping to adopt one or two children, and are thinking under five would be right for us, but I think as young as possible would be preferable.
all of the local la's almost have flashing neon warnings saying ' don't think you can adopt babies, there are no babies. Ever'
But reading their stats , an example was 22 children adopted per year 11 of those were under two.

Also a lot of the personal stories seem to indicate that people who have adopted recently have been matched with younger children.
I was hoping some of you wouldn't mind sharing with me the ages your dc where when you brought them home?

db adopted 11 month old twins last year - there are babies around, I imagine though it varies from one authority to another. Think it may be easier if you are going for twins/siblings as most people are only able to offer a home to one child at a time.

There are babies for adoption, but these babies will most probably be ones that are born to drug and alcohol addicts, which in itself brings many, many problems.
Two of our three children were born addicted and subsequently have diagnosis of Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.
So, the age of the child when placed does not mean there will not be problems.
Ours were 2 years and the babies were six months on placement.

I've seen a huge amount of adopters be matched with children aged about 9 months- 2 years. When the LA's say 'baby' they tend to mean a child under about 8 months, and there are few babies that age

Moomoomie is also correct, majority of waiting babies have been removed at birth, and drugs and alcohol abuse are the usual trigger for an early removal. Sometimes there are ongoing problems in the child because of that. Learning disabilities and mental health problems are other causes for a child to be removed at birth. Those babies may inherit those issues

But yes, it is very possible to adopt a child aged under 2

Personally, I wanted older children, so mine were 10 and 8 years old, then I got 23 month old half brother of DD2 as a sibling placement. I am really the exception, not the norm. The average age at adoption is 3, I think

I didn't dare say we wanted babies as such so went for under 7s and then as we worked our way through home study it was so clear that we wanted young children - as I described it 'I needed to push a pushchair' we ended up with 2 beautiful siblings aged 2.5 years and 1.5 years. Not only did I get to push the buggy but it was double one at that!

Be realistic about what your heart is telling you. There are babies in the system but it depends at which age you feel you need to parent. Realistically because of legalities it is rare that babies are available for placement before 11 months.

It is still possible to adopt a baby under 1, but through concurrent foster care with the hope that it will lead to adoption.
It does most, but not all, of the time, hence there is some risk involved that the child might be placed with their birth parents.

That was my route to adoption, though, hence my daughter arrived to me under 1 year of age.

Thanks for your responses.
I've come to terms with not having a baby before we decided on adoption, but I hadn't come to terms with never being a parent, and I guess the home study will help us come to conclusions about what our limits are and where we feel comfortable.

Our soon to be placed with us girls will be 2.5yrs and 18 months. We started the process thinking similar to you - we wanted as young as possible however by the end of the process we had changed our thinking and we are so much more excited about this match than if it had been a newborn baby!

So I would suggest to go into it being completely open minded.

Good luck!

Like Happy Sunflower we also adopted our dd through concurrent fostering. She was 3 days old when she came to us. She was 2.5 when we were eventually able to adopt her.

I think it depends what people mean when they say "baby". DD was 15 months old when we were matched, so although not a tiny thing and past lots of the "firsts" (food, haircut, steps etc), still really little. We know a few people who have adopted children under two, and one couple (the oldest in our prep group) were matched with and 11 month old.

More agencies will be interested in you if you are open to the idea of older children; this doesn't tie you completely to that age group though (we were originally thinking of a pre-schooler....!). There are lots of pros and cons to adopting an older child.

Good luck, by the way - adopting our daughter was one of the best things we have done

Our dd was 10 months when she came to us. I agree with others that it's wise not to assume that a baby = fewer problems. An older adopted child is very likely to have problems, but you'll likely know what they are and be able to make a more informed judgement on whether they are a good match with your family. An infant may well have hidden problems that don't emerge till much later.

Having said which, adoption has been fantastic for us and our dd grows in perfection every day

Hi

Our DD was 20 months when she moved in with us and three of the other couples on our course have either been matchedrecently or are already with children under two. So it is far from rare.

That being said i believe there are things far more important than age to consider, for example we would have considered a four year old with fewer problems more readily than a 10 month old with a long list of difficulties. None of the children being placed for adoption will come out of the process entirely unscathed so you need to be realistic with what sort of issues you can deal with. Our DD was in FC from birth but has foibles due to contact with birth parents (which was supposedly being supervise).

Good luck with the adoption process though, we can hand on heart say that we wouldn't swap her for a birth child in a million years! She is ten times more wonderful than any child I could have made :)

Thanks everyone.
I know a baby may well have very complex problems too, some that we may not know about.
I think for us it's really a question of can we handle attachment disorder better than we can handle foetal alcohol syndrome, but then part of me also thinks we could send ourselves potty thinking would we rather have A or B, but when/if (please please be a when and not an if) it comes down to it our children may well be nothing at all like the scenarios we have planned for.
I have to say reading these forums and your general positivity about being adoptive parents really helped us with our decision.
The general feeling i get from these boards is its tough, really hair tearingly tough at times but worth it.
I've filled out our little get the ball rolling form. Now on to the really really tough part.
What biscuits do i buy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hobnobs

I wondered when we would get round to the biscuit debate .

We started buying chocolate digestives..... Although our SW never ate them, so we swapped, just in case she didn't like them. I can't remember her ever eating a biscuit.

Custard creams!! (yum yum - I put biscuits out more for my benefit than the SW's. I eat when I'm nervous)

ps. She didn't eat them either! This made me feel awkward - reaching for my fourth biscuit, and her not taken any of them!

I seem to recall an entire thread about home cleaning, biscuit buying and panicking ahead of SW visits.....

I would just add that not all under 1's come with lots of issues. We waited 1 year to be matched with our DD, who was 10 months when she came home. We initially thought we had no chance of a child so young, but our (fabulous) SW picked up on the language we used when taking about what we imagined our DC to be like. Although approved for upto 3years, she rejected older children knowing what we really wanted. My advice is to be brutally honest with what you can and cannot deal with - no one thinks any worse of you for saying no to certain issues/circumstances.

And our DD bar one very minor question mark over a health issue which was soon cleared up, is a confident, happy little girl with no issues, and who has changed our lives in so many ways.

Good luck on your journey!

That's very true, Happiest. My dd is doing brilliantly well - bright, beautiful, happy. It is of course still too early to feel certain that she hasn't been affected by her pre-birth experiences, but right now she is developing well.

What you get with babies is not necessarily more problems, but possibly more uncertainty.

I am, however, horrified that Happiest didn't offer her social worker a biscuit. People have been thrown off prep courses for less.

at Devora

Think my saving grace at the prep course was that I managed to sort out their PowerPoint and video clips for them :). And I did always have the kettle on for our SW. She is due next week though so I may get the Hobnobs out!