Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Should I approach other agencies?

7 replies

Broodymomma · 17/08/2012 12:03

Am so frustrated. Have had initial meeting with social worker who invited us attend a prep course which got cancelled until march next year. She said they were going to see about doing our home study now and for us to do the prep course in due time to get things moving.

They said they would get back to us by the end of last week with a decision but have heard nothing. I emailed them yesterday asking for a update and they passed my email to head social worker but I got a out of office reply saying she was on holiday. We are desperate to get moving and I just feel we are constantly chasing them and getting nowhere. This is our la should I approach some other organisations or would this look bad on us? The months seem to be rolling in and we are no further forward. Thanks for listening

OP posts:
funnychic · 17/08/2012 13:07

The short answer is definitely yes!! I went to my L.A who on the night told me the waiting time for a prep course was 3 months, this went on month after month me chasing them all the time and after 10 months I received a voicemail message saying sorry but were inundated with applicants so you will be at least 3/6 more months!! I was so angry because they must have known that all along and kept me waiting 10months to tell the truth. I immediately made several phone calls and got on a prep course 6 weeks later and started home study 3 weeks after that and am now approved. The new L.A is approx 10 miles away from where I live which is great for them as that means they can place one of their children with me as I don't live in the area, if you did go with your own L.A they couldn't due to the risk of being so close to where the child might have come from. Ring around a few authorities and see if you might be able to get on an earlier course.
Best of luck

WendyGx · 19/08/2012 15:08

In my opinion, a big yes. We shopped around 7 different agencies before we selected our preferred one. One of our criteria was 'are they fleet of foot or a bit sluggish/busy'. I know the feeling or urgency and the need to be doing something. Its like being in a traffic jam. I'd rather be moving along even if that's a longer route, I like to feel like its happening! The only little bit of advice is that times will come when it does go all quiet and you'll become very frustrated if you don't expect some slower moments in the process. But for kicking off the process, think up your criteria and select the agency that's right for you! Good luck!

Broodymomma · 20/08/2012 23:22

Thanks both of you. Just not sure where to start can I approach surrounding authorities or organisations such as barnardos?

OP posts:
Ladyofthehouse · 21/08/2012 08:31

I'd agree with the other comments.

We initially went to an open evening at our local authority about 3 years ago and found them really unhelpful and completely put us off adopting. We then went to another local authority in the next county as they were advertising on their website for needing people outside of the area and we have found them to be brilliant.

Good luck!

snail1973 · 21/08/2012 13:17

Ring the social services depts of all other LAs near you and ask whether they would consider you. You have nothing to loose, you will then be better informed and able to decide whether to keep on with your current LA or switch to another.

WendyGx · 22/08/2012 20:48

I agree with snail1973, I called 7 LAs agencies in one day asking about their open evenings and interest our my backstory. My additional advice, keep anote book so you can remember who told you what and what they were like - it really helped me with so many conversations. Best wishes!

NanaNina · 23/08/2012 13:47

Broodymamma I think you have had excellent replies. The only thing is I would caution against going to Barnardoes or any other of the voluntary organisations. They will certainly get you on a prep course and approved in no time at all, but they don't have any children of course, so they have to "sell" their approved adoptors to the LA. LAs are so under resourced (and this incidentally is probably the reason your LA is dragging its feet) and now budgets have been slashed by the coalition they are really struggling, with "frozen posts" so they can't advertise vacancies because there isn't the money to pay them. LAs have always placed children for adoption with their own approved adoptors wherever possible because this is the cheapest way. The second cheapest way is an inter-agency placement (some LAs are in a consortium of nearby LAs and they work out a fair inter agency placement fee) the most expensive way is "buying" a family from Barnardoes and other vol orgs.

The vol orgs don't always tell people about this very important factor when recruiting. What age group are you thinking of. The need is usually for older children (middle years age range) sibling groups and children with disabilities, but on the other hand a fair % of children under 5 are placed for adoption. It helps if your offer is for 1 child and 2 if sibs, as children awaiting adoption rarely come without a sib (or many sibs) but of course decisions then have to be made about how to split the children as few people can take on large sib groups and it isn't always good for the children, as they will all have emotional difficulties of one sort or another, given their pre placement experiences.

The most useful thing you can do in my view is to read up on "Attachment theory" because this really is at the root of all children placed for adoption. They will have learned that adults are not to be trusted because of the way in which they were neglected/abused by birth parents. Many adoptors think that love will conquer all and it won't. I suggest you look on the "British Agencies for Fostering & Adoption" (BAAF) and "Adoption UK" and there will be books on the site that you can buy on this important issue. Some LAs will include this in the prep course, but I'm not sure how many do this tbh and it won't be enough for you to really get the hang of it. Not that it's complicated at all.

In essence it means that children who have been abused/neglected in their earliest days, months and years will have grown up insecurely attached to their birth parents or step parents, and this can give rise to all sorts of problems, dependent upon how much they have been affected. Children who are loved and cared for and have had their needs met since birth will have secure attachments to their parents, which will be a protective factor for them through the lifespan. Conversely children who are insecurely atached will have learnt that adults aren't to be trusted, or that sometimes they look after them, and sometimes not, and they become confused and insecure. Adoptors need to understand this and there are specific ways of helping a child to form secure attachments with the adoptors. Mostly there is a big gap between a child's chronological age and emotional age, meaning that a child needs to be able to regress at times, e.g. a 6 year old may be emotionally at a 3 year level and so this needs to be taken into account.

Sorry I didn't mean this post to be so long!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page