Almost two and almost three....help!

[J3mma]

Hello,

So...there are loads of books for new mums of newborns but not so many for those who are going to have an almost two and almost three year old crash land in their house.

Any advice, helpful and wonderful mumsnetters?!

Xx

Congratulations. I rate Real Parents, Real Children and anything by Caroline Archer. I also find the advice here and on Adoption UK to be pretty wonderful. We are very early into our placement, but doing well so far as I hope you will.
J

Um, good luck!!!

Find out as much as you can about their routine from their FC and tryntonfollow it as much as possible, both for their comfort and to give you confidence that you are doing things "right". You will find you fall into your own pattern in due course.

Cancel all your plans for a couple of months until you know what is possible. Chance are you can re instate some of them, but you might well not.

Get take away and don't feel bad about it (you will be too tired to cook!)

Remember gin isn't called Mother's Ruin for nothing - parenting is hard, and children of two and three are bloody hard. Find a way to relax

You will quickly find it hard to remember what your life was like without them

X

Put all breakables away, safety gate every stairs and some doors, stock up on wine.
Good luck, will be hard work but toddlers are fantastic entertainment!

Yes to the above, and also 'Toddler Adoption: the weaver's craft" by Mary Hopkins Best, and 'Big steps for little people: parenting your adopted child' by Celia Foster.

Congratulations, how wonderful.

I'm not an adopter, yet, but I do have a DD who had a real penchant for putting things in her mouth Also I still often have visitors with little kids! I always only have age appropriate toys so no small parts under three, harder when one is three already, no idea how people cope with that as I only have one but I would always play it safe and just make the place as child friendly as possible wit hall little things out of reach.

We don't have tons of expensive toys but we do tons of junk modelling with old boxes and stuff so I might stock pile a bit of coloured paper and old boxes for play and have in some safe glue sticks and sellotape. I have no idea if this is suitable but I kind of feel that this is un-threatening play for kids, uncomplicated, and whatever they manage to make or do you can enjoy it together. Stickers and stuff like that also seem to have almost universal appeal. I wouldn't put any pressure to create and it might not be appropriate to give tons of praise at first, this might be quite alien to the kids. Sometimes maybe you can get sticking or making and they might join you and that might be nice, if you see what I mean. It's not going to break, or need batteries or drive you made with the theme tune to the Telly Tubblies! But when all is madness maybe a bit of 'In the night garden' might help!

I adored the book 'Raising Happy Children? Jan Parker and Jan Stimpson (Hodder & Stoughton) - I mentioned it elsewhere and I am still not sure if it is A-OK for adoption situations but it is very child-centred and that was the type parenting approach I had.

Good luck and it's very exciting.

Thanks everyone. Really helpful advice. Currently fighting my head and heart until we find out more. In my heart they are already our children but in my head I know we have to ask lots of questions and be realistic and sensible.

Wow...hard! But exciting, as you say! Very exciting!

We adopted the exact same age children (give or take a month) and my advice is.....go with the flow!! They are a really challenging age, but don't approach it expecting tantrums. However, have a plan for when they happen :)

My two are fantastic, and are now 3&4. The difference in a year is amazing.

My DH has just piped up with these words of wisdom "tell her not to try to be supermum,, that's where you went wrong. You're much better now!!!" ummmm, thanks, I think?!?

Enjoy them, it goes so quickly x x

Oh, one more thing J3mma - don't be afraid to ask for or accept help. What is appropriate will become clear when you actually have them at home (eg babysitting is off the cards for some time, but someone to pop to the supermarket for you can be a life saver). But don't feel that you have to do everything by yourself

Oh J3mma just thought of this, when my friends have had babies (often very long awaited ones- one friend tried for 15 years!) I usually gave them two bits of advice. I think this advice goes for all kids, especially young ones.

Firstly sleep when the baby/child sleeps, young kids also sleep a fair bit and the advice would be the same!

And secondly, I sent all new parent friends this poem, I love it, and it also applies for young kids.

Song for a Fifth Child by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton (1921- )

Mother, oh mother, come shake out your cloth!
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking!

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby, loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.)

Oh, cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby. Babies don't keep.

www.lullaby-link.com/song-for-a-fifth-child.html

Please so tell us more as and when you wish to, if you wish to, all best wishes.

Hi there
Congatulations on the match, I hope the process is progressing well. We're waiting to start matching process and we too hope for toddler siblings ('you must be crackers' is the response from friends and family!). I also wanted to read up and found Jo Frost's Confident Toddler Care: The Ultimate Guide to The Toddler Years: Practical Advice on How to Raise a Happy and Contented Toddler. I'm 3/4 through and whilst there is minimal reference to adopted children I am finding the practical advise very informing.
Let us know how its going and best wishes - with or without a book, you'll find a way.
Wendy x

Thank you all so much.

We saw their photos and found out more on Monday. It sounds like they have had a rough start but are feisty little things who will be hard work but good fun too.

I will keep you all posted! X

Wow J3mma that is great.