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Will this look bad on us?

11 replies

Broodymomma · 23/07/2012 20:32

Aghhh. The dates have come through for our prep course next month and they fall over the 3 weeks ds starts school and is on half days. I am really struggling with help getting him picked up on 2 of the days as he finishes at 12 and the course goes on until 3.30. We are desperate to go on the course and are worried sick of we have to turn down this course it will look really bad on us. In reality everybody is working and Where my mum could normally help the course falls on days she is on dialysis. Am so gutted but can't find a way round it.

Just want to know if you think they will assume its not important to us and also how often these courses are normally run? Am gutted to think we will be put back but also need to be there for ds. Could cry!!!

OP posts:
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 23/07/2012 20:44

You need to find when the next prep course is. There may not be another one for ages and it can set you back.
Ours was a bloody pain. It stretched over about 3 weeks and was 2 evenings on, a few off, a whole day, an evening, few days off, whole day etc.
We had three DCs at the time and very limited babysitting. (one of the DCs was the one we went on to adopt)
We were both working as well.

We felt we had to do it or it would hold everything else back.
I dont think it would be held against you though, I am sure lots of people cant make the first course they are offered, for lots of reasons.

Its horrible though and I really feel for you Sad

Talk to your SW and see what s/he says.

funnychic · 23/07/2012 20:50

Hi, don't worry they wont think you are bad or cant be bothered or anything like that but they will want you to do the full days. Just ask to be put on the next prep course then you can sort you little one out and relax and enjoy the days. I know you will be disappointed not to be able to go on this one but you will miss quite a lot leaving so early on both days and it may show a little bit of concern over your support network.
Don't be upset just change the date and look forward to it.
Very best wishes x

Broodymomma · 23/07/2012 21:01

Am so frustrated as until now he has had nursery and we have never ever had a childcare problem not once but it's just sods bloody law how it has fallen. Had no intention of only doing half days i would not want that we want to do the full days just fallen on the worst possible 3 weeks where trust me if there was anyone I would jump at it but I just can't see a way round it. I know the courses are not on often and am so upset at the prospect of missing this one that we feel we have waited ages for. Aghhhhhhhhhhh - that's better xx

OP posts:
HappySunflower · 23/07/2012 21:28

Could you find a childminder who might help?
Do you know any other parents who could step in?

If, having exhausted all your options, you have to back out of this course, as disappointing as it will be, do consider that things have a habit of panning out as they are meant to, and, timing is everything.
For all you know, the child who is meant to join your family isn't quite ready yet and the next course may well be better timing as a result.
I tried to see things that way throughout agonising situations like this- and things did indeed pan out as they were meant to :)

Frustrating for you, nevertheless, I know. x

HappySunflower · 23/07/2012 21:29

Could you find a childminder who might help?
Do you know any other parents who could step in?

If, having exhausted all your options, you have to back out of this course, as disappointing as it will be, do consider that things have a habit of panning out as they are meant to, and, timing is everything.
For all you know, the child who is meant to join your family isn't quite ready yet and the next course may well be better timing as a result.
I tried to see things that way throughout agonising situations like this- and things did indeed pan out as they were meant to :)

Frustrating for you, nevertheless, I know. x

shockers · 23/07/2012 21:45

Explain to your social worker that this is an important time of transition for your DS. If they don't understand, I would quite frankly, be horrified.

I agree with Happy too... I let things go naturally (even though I really, really wanted to scream and shout at times!), and it all worked out perfectly. It took all of my self control though!

Broodymomma · 23/07/2012 23:26

Ladies I don't believe it but I think I have sorted it. He has a pal e is starting school with and her mum is going to take him back to hers until we get home (do feel bad it's only his 3rd day of school), and the second week I realised my other friend (my son and he son are best friends) is going to collect him as I forgot he finishes at 12 but her son is p2 (different school) so she can still collect him at 3. Phew panic over!!! The last day of course he is full time at school so one of us may have to leave 10mins early to collect depending on I the course goes on until stated time.

So so happy!!! Thanks for all the advice. I did start looking at childminders but was concerned he would not have long to get to know them. Mum would normally help but it fell on the 2 days a week she has dialysis and my bil who is my fallback is offshore. Thank god for good friends so glad I have helped them out before always good to store up favours.

Can't believe in 5 years have never had a childcare problem and this course now comes up over his first 2 weeks at school lol. Worth it though I just know his brother or sister is out there just waiting and the thought of putting that back up to 6months was soul destroying.

Thanks for letting me rant x

OP posts:
Lilka · 23/07/2012 23:47

Sods law

Thank goodness it's sorted :)

Devora · 24/07/2012 00:30

I'm really glad you found a solution.

Just to say: I would have been amazed and horrified if ss had NOT understood. My experience of going through the adoption process with an older child was that they absolutely accepted the need to make it work for my child.

Italiangreyhound · 24/07/2012 01:30

Broodymomma Wonderful news that it is sorted.When DD started school they did the same thing of half days etc and we went from nursery being totally dependable to school being very undependable! Really pleased that it has worked out. Try not to feel bad about missing picking him up after a school day early on, there will be so many more pick ups and I am are he will have fun at his mate's house.

We will probably miss the next course and have to go to one 3 months later because of when we apply, wondering how to speed things along! So glad it all fell into place and shows you have some great support networks and friends, which will all be really useful in supporting you, I feel sure, in the long run.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 24/07/2012 08:51

Just read the thread I'm so pleased that you have sorted it all out.

I had a really positive experience at the prep workshops. We made friends with three other couples and we are still all good friends 7 years on. It's lovely that we now have lots of adopter friends and that our children get to socialise regularly with other adopted children.

I hope you enjoy the coarse.

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