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Original poster

Life story books

13 replies

Lovesoftplay · 11/07/2012 11:16

I was just wondering how long any of you waited for your life story books from SS? We haven't had one for either of our boys and they have been placed with us for a year, is this normal?

At thier LAC reviews it was something that the reviewing officer kept bringing up, i.e that they should have one each by now.

Do any of you know who is responsible for doing them? I have heard of some recent adopters who are being asked to complete their own which seems a bit rubbish to me.

OP posts:
Lilka · 11/07/2012 11:59

I'm sorry, what a pain. Unfortunately, it's such a common problem, I can't count the number of people who wait months and years for the book. The childs SW was responsible for my childrens books

Personally, I found that book I was (eventually) given for DS was too long for a child his age and confusing. It was in a funny order and just badly put together. It called his first mum 'mummy' throughout, but referred to me by my first name. I took it apart and re-did it.

DD2's book I made myself. After a long period of getting nothing, I asked to just get given all the photographs etc needed and then I made the book with those.

Personally, I prefer making them myself. I know other adopters who got given badly made books. Of course, some are great. But by making them up myself, I can at least open it with my child and feel safe in the knowledge that it's actually appropriate for my child to read. I also particularly like the Joy Reese model of a life story book (start in the present, then go back to the past, then finish in the present and look to the future) but the SW didn't do that

Are you pushing for it? You can start working your way up the chain of command, because it's important that you have one. IMO if you don't push, you never get unfortunately. But I much prefer making it myself

SkinnyMalinkiLongLegs · 11/07/2012 12:06

It will be 3 years in October since we adopted dd and we still don't have her book.
Fortunately I have as much info about her BF as the SWs do so I have made a book for her. Not everybody is in my position though and it must be annoying. Sometimes these books are all the children have to connect them to their past and I do feel that SWs don't always make the effort they should to complete them.

Original poster
Lovesoftplay · 11/07/2012 12:16

Thanks guys, its a bit pants really isn't it?!?

It's just annoying me that I keep being told that it is being done then nothing appears. Just tell me the truth!

Incidently skinnymalinkilonglegs, my DH calls me that exact nickname, how weird!!!

OP posts:
Devora · 11/07/2012 23:00

It is a common problem, and it makes me very angry. We waited over a year, and in the end the sw left and it was completed by somebody else, who had never met our dd or us. This information is SO vital, and it needs to be done while memories are still fresh.

NanaNina · 12/07/2012 18:43

I think the best idea is to do it yourself. Social workers should do them but at the risk of being flamed, children's social workers are horrendously busy and just don't have the time to do them. Some LAs have a dedicated person to do them an that works well, but I don't think many LAs can afford to have someone specific for that purpose. I agree the sw should be honest and say they don't have time, but ask you if you would mind starting it, and giving you any photos they might have (if any) of birth parents etc.

I think Lilka has a good point - you will probably make a better job of it and first mom should certainly not be called "mommy" and the adoptor called by her first name - think that evidences just how little some social workers understand about adoption.

Don't just sit waiting and stewing, start one yourself and ask the placing sw for any info that you need.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 12/07/2012 21:37

My DS came to us on placement day with his life story book already completed. As a result he gas been " reading " it since he was a year old and now has a really good understanding of his adoption story.

My DD who we adopted two years later was only given her book after she had been with us for over a year - apparently that's how they do it now. It was not as good as my DS's one and I can't get her interested in it at all.

KristinaM · 16/07/2012 21:38

I agree with nina. I know a family who have waited 13 years for theirs. Including a letter from the bio mum to the child. The SW left the job and took the file with her!!!!!! Good to hear soem agencies have such good practice

Devora · 16/07/2012 22:20

Blimey, I thought our sw was crap.

Hayleyh34 · 18/07/2012 10:30

We went to a court a year ago and are still waiting for the book. Sadly, our childs SW lost photos of our child with her birth mother (sad )

We are now working with SS to make the book and have provided them with some photos.

Hayleyh34 · 18/07/2012 10:31

Why can't I do the smileys today?! Driving me crazy! Angry

Hayleyh34 · 18/07/2012 10:31

Hurrah, it worked!

Original poster
Lovesoftplay · 19/07/2012 18:33

Thanks everyone, I contacted me social worker who is sending out the Life story worker next week to us.

We hadn't been forgotten, just a very long list of children waiting and only 1 specialist worker Sad

OP posts:
KristinaM · 20/07/2012 23:50

Result! Great news

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