My feed

to access all these features

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.


who did u tell?

9 replies

funnychic · 05/07/2012 09:57

Just wondering if you told lots of people you were adopting? I have a feeling I might be on my in this one, I have told my best friends, my family but only 2 people at work. I work in the emergency services so work with a LOT of people. I knew the process itself would take a lot time and then matching again could in itself take a long time so decided to keep quiet until I had something concrete to tell them, I just couldnt do with people asking how it was going every month. I am at approval on 25th July and even if its a yes I dont think I am going to tell them, I have decided to wait until I am matched and have a date for leaving, cant wait to see their faces!!!LOL

OP posts:
Ladyofthehouse · 05/07/2012 10:15

We were much the same. Friends and family knew all the way through and I found that useful as we could 'educate' them as we went through the course so that now most of them are quite aware about giving us space and so on.

For work my manager and a colleague knew right from the start then once we started the homestudy I just decided that if people asked why I was having time off or the "so when you having children" question I'd just tell them.

I have other friends who haven't told anybody though and they have also been approved so I think you just need to go with what feels right for you. I'm in an office working and work fairly on my own so even if people knew they weren't coming up to me all the time which would have got tiresome as people always think there should be some exciting news!!

Once we were approved we've let more people know and there have been a few shocked faces at work!

Maiyakat · 05/07/2012 17:44

I've told close family and friends, but only 2 managers at work (one who's been an amazing support, the other just to check my plans for reducing my hours were ok!). I'm also part of a large (gossipy) workforce, and I'm not planning to say anything until after Panel. funnychic are you leaving work completly once you're matched, or are you going back after adoption leave?

funnychic · 05/07/2012 18:01

Maiyakat, I'm taking a year off on adoption leave then I am going to request I go back on a day shift which might not be available due to the fact of the nature of my job, day workers are not really required. If I am told I cannot do day shift then I will leave and get something with child friendly hours.

OP posts:
FamiliesShareGerms · 06/07/2012 09:26

Much the same. Told friends and family, but only my manager at work (because he persuaded me to move jobs and I wanted to be honest that I might not be able to see the project through. I only got to do five weeks....)

Happiestinwellybobs · 15/07/2012 20:09

I would have done it differently - because of my role, and the fact that my workplace has a family feel, everyone found out. They were all wonderfully supportive, BUT the period after approval was draining, with some people asking me every week when I was getting my daughter. They meant well, but it did get a bit much. Having said that, when we were matched it felt like the whole organisation celebrated with me!!

KristinaM · 16/07/2012 00:44

A friend who is a teacher told her head of department aftre they were approved. She was then given all the rubbish classes for the next two years. In the end she hardly took any time off as the child was placed at the beginning of the summer holidays( this was befroe adopters got equal rights to maternity leave)

So my advice is tell as few people as possibel until you are matched. Remember you must not tell anyone any details about your childs backgroud

Hayleyh34 · 18/07/2012 10:33

I told practically everyone and then really regretted it Grin

Because the process can be so up and down, there will be times when you don't really want to discuss it or days when you just want to forget about it. This is harder to do, if you tell anyone who looks at you twice you know!

a1s2d3 · 19/07/2012 11:54

Like others we told family and close friends, but did not tell anyone at work initially. As the approval process wore on I gradually told people at work. It would have been hard not to as we started to need to take time off for e.g. panel meetings. We also had to attend 6 sessions at a Family Centre as part of the assessment process. (Dreaded this at the time but actually it was one of the most useful things I've ever done!) These all happened in work time so I felt I had to tell my Manager etc. We then had a long, long wait after approval to be matched and for our lovely daughters to be finally placed with us, and yes that was hard when people kept asking. But they were usually being supportive and caring, not nosy. So I think tell people as you need to and as it feels right - but remember if no one knows then they can't be expected to support you.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 19/07/2012 12:00

I told everyone I needed support from.

So I told , family , close friends and my boss ( because I needed time of for adoption preparation and meetings- which in my old job was treated the same as anti natal/ hospital/scan appointments)

When we were matched I only told people after the formal matching panel in case it all fell through( although I did tell my boss immediately after getting the phone call because I was crying tears of joy at my desk!) She was so lovely about it all - really supportive.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.