What to do when the birth mother was not willing to disclose father's name?

[Lolesworth]

Partner would like to find his birth father. He was given up for adoption at one month. He met his birth mother some years ago and was disappointed that she would not disclose his father's name, the reason given that 'he had to be protected' because of his career, whether this is a smokescreen is unclear. Can't help thinking that if that is the truth then he should have thought of that before doing the deed!

Life for the partner of someone who is adopted is not an easy ride. It's always his decision as to what he wants to do but I have to live with the resulting upset and limbo. I also worry that by the time he has made the decision to find his father that he will discover that he may have died.

His records have revealed that his father wanted to gain access to see him as a baby as he has seen a letter that was written. The father's occupation contrasts wildly with what he has led to believe was the truth. He would like to find out what is real and what is not.

He would also like to contact his biological mother again to ask her for more information. He doesn't want to cause any upset but on the other hand, he really would like to know reality. He understands that she was in her early twenties at the time and knows how difficult her decision must have been so there will be no blame if she didn't tell him the whole truth during their only meeting. Her children must also think it odd when they look up birth records for their name (an unusual one) and see another person with their mother's surname. I feel sad for him that he has to remain a secret.

He needs to go to post adoption team at the L.A he was placed with, they will show him everything they have got on record about his bm, bf and the circumestances that made her give him up. He will probabaly learn quite a lot from reading the info.
Best of luck

Thanks very much for your fast response. He has done that and has seen a social worker who has tried her best to find out as much information as she can. The court where the decision was made was different from the area where the adoption was placed and the former authority have no background notes to the court order which seems odd but I don't know much of the process over 40 years ago. Some of the terms in the records are quite non- politically correct and over egg the pudding in other ways. Fortunately, dp is quite pragmatic and it doesn't surprise him. There doesn't seem to be any record of the authority's response to the letter that the father wrote. On some typed notes, there is obvious print that cannot be made out properly almost as though a sheet of tracing paper has been put over the top of it.