Can anyone tell me anything about criteria for referees, please?

[Italiangreyhound]

Hi, please can anyone tell me anything about criteria for referees?

How many do you need, I've heard 6. I wonder how long they should have known you, can you be related to them, is it different for all counties?

Also, if you are in a partnership, do you and your DP/DH have same referees, or different or some same some different?

It's nerve wracking, people I know well are lovely and I am sure can find oodles of people (I hope!) but DH is quiet, only has a small circle of friends and I wonder if we need masses of people how you go about 'selecting' the people to ask, please?

I chose a mixture of people as follows:

-Relative
-Close friend who had known me for 20 years
-2 friends I had known for 5 and 10 years
-Minister at church
-Employer who knows me vv well
-Somebody whose children I had looked after

They chose 3 of the above to interview, so I kept that in mind when choosing as referees are in a position where they essentially need to support your application and evidence your suitability.

Sounds very good, thank you. I don't have any friends who have known me 20 years who live locally so most people will be people who have known me for 12 years or fewer.

I gave one family member (a requirement I think) my sister as she had youngish children and is one of the saner members of my family (on the surface)
One very old friend who I've known for 20 years who has no children who lives away from me but kindly agreed to come into London to be interviewed at my house.
Another relatively newer friend (about 5 years) who had a 4 year old at the time.

I think from memory that was it - 1 family, 2 friends.

Thanks Kew. I know it is weird to think about this so early on but I am just wondering.

We had to supply ours fairly early on in the process ? right from the start I think!

We had to provide 3 who had known the both of us for at least 5 years and only 1 could be a family member.

We chose my sister as we have been involved with our nephews since they were babies, a friend who I went to uni with and so had known me and DH for a long time and also our best friends who live just round the corner.

They had to send in a letter with some answers to questions and then were visited in the last month (but from what I know these meetings lasted no more than half an hour!).

They were asked how we interacted with their children and if they would feel comfortable leaving them in our care, how we handle stress and about our relationship. Well that?s what I know as it?s all confidential! But our SW did say that what my sister wrote brought a tear to her eye - bless!

we had to provide 2 each (my DH and I) and at least one from each of us had to be a family member. My DH chose his brother who lives in Canada and SS were happy to accept a letter from him (as much as our SW would have loved a trip out there!!).

We had to provide ours really early in the process so no harm in preparing people.

We had one family member / set of parents each, plus four couples who knew us well (most had children, not all). I think they did three face to face interviews (the most geographically convenient... ) It can take them a while to follow it all up, so ours were fairly early on in the process too

ladyofthehouse how beautiful. Your sister's letter, I mean. Thanks.

Thanks for your kind help Adoptionrulesok and familiessharegerms.

We has to provide 3 - one family, and 1 friend each. They completed a questionnaire and then follow up meeting. Our social worker offered to meet my mum too in case she felt left out (as we chose my mil as the family referee). All very pleasant - although we did have a super SW.

We had to provide 3 also and picked as a couple rather than individually - old friend of 25 years + (without children), married friends of 10 years (with young children) and BIL/SIL (with children). They additionally visted both sets of parents. All were face to face except BIL/SIL who because of distance talked on the phone.

Good luck!

We had 3. One was my DP's sister. The other two were old friends.

I suggested them because (a) they all love us, (b) they're all a bit clever and impressive (plus two are baby doctors and one in a related field so would know what sw wanted to hear), and (c) they are all black women with mixed race children, and I knew sw would want to talk about how we could raise a mixed race child with positive self-esteem.

One of them was overseas so did the interview by phone.

Tomorrow

Sorry wrong thread.