Saw 'Tangled' today - has anyone else seen it?

[Italiangreyhound]

I saw 'Tangled' today and really love it! But I was aware that if I were watching it with an adopted child there might be all kinds of things I would be thinking about! I know it has been out for ages (we tend to see films late!). I read a good little article on line about it. It kind of summed up my thoughts on the film.

www.chicagonow.com/portrait-of-an-adoption/2011/04/tangled-up-in-tangled/

Just wondered if anyone else had seen it.

I've seen it and think it is one of the good newer Disney films, although I prefer the Princess and the Frog.

However I think most/lots of kids imagine at some point they are secretly a princess who has been taken from their real parents. Actually maybe this is more true for children who haven't been adopted. Maybe that is why the myths are so popular, because kids brought up by their birth parents when the going gets tough dram they are secretly adopted, as adults we should realise that just because you fantasise about something doesn't mean you would want the reality. Eg. I can dream about living as a medieval princess, but I wouldn't really want the absence of flushing toilets and modern dentistry.

Maybe this film is good for adopted etc. kids because it gives a chance to discuss the issues.

Thanks Mummytime. Ironically, my daughter said today that I was 'not her mum.' I am her mum and gave birth to her 7.5 years ago. I was quite upset at her other mean words during a tantrum about appropriate outfit for church (long johns and a stained school skirt not being appropriate - partly my fault as grubby school shirt was actually clean and ironed but still stained - one for the bin!). Anyway, I wonder how parents who have adopted their child cope with any comments like that or whether they get any like that at all.

My younger two love Tangled. They did have sone questions when watching it, and had bad reactions to bits of it, but overall they thought it was brilliant. Especially the horse

DD muttered about wanting (like Rapunzel) to escape from me, "Well THIS house is a PRISON because of YOU"

DS, on the other hand, talked about being kidnapped afterwards...he asked what would happen if he was kidnapped away from me by an evil witch. Clearly he percieves me not as the evil kidnapper, but as like Rapunzel's mum the Queen :) I told him that that would never ever happen, he said if it did would I keep looking for him like the Queen looked for Rapunzel, I said I would look even harder. Bless him

Italian - yes, I think most children pull the "you aren't my mum", "I'm going to live with grandma, I hate you". Adopted children get to pull the "you aren't my REAL mum" and "I'm going to live with my real mum, I love her more than you". Ouch. But I think you just have to remember that it's the same as other children wanting to live with grandma - they don't actually mean it, but they've worked out that it's a hurtful way to show how angry they are with you. Not to be taken personally, even though I do think adoptive mums are more likely to take it personally (me included at times)

ps. not all children say it though. DS never has. Maybe it hasn't occured to him yet, maybe he's too scared to say it in case I turn around and go "yeah I'm not, bye bye then"...or maybe he's just one of those kids who never ever come out with it. At least by now I'm confident that if he ever does say it, I can handle it fine. And it's something that everyone who adopts nowadays can handle as long as they know it might happen

pps. Although sometimes it's not anger, it's trying to express that they know you aren't biologically related to you

I can never think of everything i want to say in one post!

It's a better film than Despicable Me re the adoption angle (evil protagonist rocks up to an orphanage, fills in a couple of firms, is handed three girls to take home, when going gets tough takes them back.... We watched it with DS whilst going through the approval process and had to stress this wasn't really how it works...)

My DD (5yrs) loves Tangled and hasn't really made the link to her own adoption, although I was wondering at my choice of film as we sat in the cinema and the 'evil witch' made off with the baby
I think she just doesn't make the link between a film and real life at the moment. I have noticed that moderate peril (as they say in the parental guides) doesn't bother her at all.

I am sure that will change in time and perhaps when she does make those links it will open up some new conversations for us. I'm not worried about having those conversations and sometimes I find it is useful to have a cue like this to get them started.

Thanks for the tip about Despicable Me though (might avoid that one)

I think Despicable Me is a great film, but yes, it does mention children in a children's home. If the children watching it are old enough it is probably not quite so strange, I mean the children's home and the horrible Aunt Hatty who runs it are actually presented as comical and the three girls are adorable and smart and really the heros of it all.

I've noticed that this theme kind of does come up a lot. The male hero in Tangeled grew up in children's home as did Humpy and Puss in Boots in the Puss in Boots film.

We've also seen lots of films about toys being abandoned! Toy Story, especially Toy Story 3, and we've seen The Forgotten Toys and Rudolph and the Island of Misfit toys. I know these are about toys and not people (of course!) but often it is a doll (voiced by Joanna Lumley in The Forgotten Toys) and the Jessie Doll in Toy Story 2, that really tug at the heart strings as they look kind of human! Or am I reading too much into it!

Feeling quite emotional!

DD seems to be going through a phase where she wants to be as mean as possible to me , while also being as loving as possible at other times. It's confusing and stressful and makes stress between me and DH too .

At times this makes me wonder how I might cope if we adopted, which also makes me sad thinking that I may not be able to cope!

Feeling a whole lot better today!

Still love the movie and had a chat with DD today about saying mean things to me, (not doing it - I mean!).

We saw this - DS identified with the horse!

I didn;t think that DS would make any parallel with his situation at all and he didn't. It isn't about adoption in any way and I don't think DS would liken me to an evil witch (give it a few more years).

I have more of a problem where "real" parents suddenly reappear and reassert their rights over nice adoptive parents (a-la Stuart Little)

Yes, it is not at all about adoption and the article I linked to at the top was very good.

Stuart Little was also a bit weird as they adopt a mouse, although you did say on the other thread you would have adopted a puppy! Yes, I know you were joking. I found Stuart Little rather sad and a bit confusing (but I am sure kids love it, talking mouse, what's not to love!).

I read somewhere that the "adoption fantasy" (ie "you can't possibly be my real parents, you don't understand me at all, my real parents are going to turn up and whisk me away to live a brilliant life") is fairly common among teenagers, whether adopted or not. And feelings around identity, including confusion, can emerge much much earlier, as children start to be aware that they are their own person, not an extension of their parents. So presumably the clever film makers know how to play on this feeling and develop films along these lines...

Italian - sorry to hear you're having a tough time. I think the mantra you're looking for is something along the lines of "you might hate me, but I am your mum and I will always love you". Difficult, but it's true and saying it out loud can reassure both you and your DD. Will worked on future adopted child too.

DS loved Stuart little and in a bizarre way it does work for us as DS looks so different to me it makes his situation seem more "normal" compared to adopting a mouse!

Thankfully he preferred films 2 and 3 rather than one where "fake" birth parents turn up and take him away. And the book which came from the school library which kinda summarised the film and a-parents almost seem to give him up without a backward glance to complete strangers made me cringe. I just dealt with it (as I do in many situations) with a gay laugh and a comment of "Ha! That's obviously written by someone who has no idea about adoption! How silly"

kew that sounds like a good way of dealing with stuff, just a bit of a laugh.

Familiessharegerms - I like your approach too, yes I do tell my daughter I love her a lot.

Thanks guys...

My sister and I (both adopted) loved Tangled. As children we still liked films like Stuart Little and Matilda but it did annoy us how stupidly adoptions were portrayed. It still does actually. I'd love there to be a film about realistic adoption for children. Even as an adult I've found people believe it's as easy as signing a couple of papers and handing the child over, or that a birth parent could 'take them back'.

The adoption fantasy is really common and will pass. ~Hugs~ Children used to say to me "Oh, you're so lucky!" Just think of it as her imagining being someone else for fun - oooh and get her that film 'Trading Mom', awfully american but brilliant film.

Thanks, Smokeandglitter thanks very reassuring.

Can I ask how your parents talked to you about adoption, I mean if you were quite young as a child/baby when adopted did they talk about it when you were little - or were you older and always knew you were adopted? NO need to reply if you do not want to.

Thanks, Italian.