Have some questions...

[ScoobyDoo2012]

I am just pondering around adoption as a potential long term plan for me. I am, however, concerned about "eligibility"... I have previously suffered with anxiety, would this go against me? I know factors such as severity, control over it etc would be factors, but I really am just at a pondering stage. Is it worth even pondering or would I not be considered? What else makes it not possible for you to adopt, must you own a house or is long term renting acceptable?

Thank you so much for your reply. I have never looked into it as I just assumed you had to be "perfect" to adopt. This would be far into the future as I'm still studying but I just feel a huge need to adopt, I cannot describe it.

I will look around the subject anyway, it's pretty hard to find eligibility etc, I guess it's all a big grey area with no clear answers...

Re elegibility - you need to be over 21, you need to have a home (be that private or rented) you need to have room for the child/ren you may adopt. No you don't have to be "perfect" at all - in fact perfect people (if they exist) wouldn't want to adopt anyway! Re your anxiety - much depends on how long ago this was, have there been relapses etc., this isn't being judgemental, it's because the whole process of adopting a child and then caring for him/her can be very anxiety provoking and there would be a concern that this could mean a return of the problem, but not necessarily.

Every applicant has to have a medical with their own GP. Diferent LAs have different policies, but the GP has to complete a medical on you and then forwards a written report to the Medical Advisor for the LA and he/she then comments on the basis of the GP report on your suitability to adopt (or not)

Obviously any previous offences related to chidren or violence would rule someon out. I don't think you should worry too much about looking for elegibility criteria. It isn't a big grey area with no clear answers, but so much depends upon the particular problem and the particular individual. Adoptors are in very short suply and no-one is trying to trip applicants up but on the other hand, the assessment has to be very comprehensive.

One of the main things is that you need to be aware that the need of most LAs for adoptors are for children aged over 5, sibling groups, or children with disabilities. There are very very few young babies, though sometime children under 5, especially if you were prepared to take 2 sibs. Another hugely important point is that all children awaiting adoption will have by definition been abused/neglected by birth parents and will be in a foster home awaiting adoption. Many of these children will be affected by the trauma in their past to a greater or lesser degree, so this is something that you really need to take on board and read around as Marz suggests. And yes go on "Adoption UK" website and "British Agencies for Fostering & Adoption" (BAAF) where there is a wealth of information.

I agree with all the above expect the advice to go on Adoption UK site. If you are brand new into adoption and read all the comments on there I really think it will put you off. It is a great site for support when you have children placed or are very near to having children placed but it really is not good for newbies. I am not saying that you shouldnt go into adoption with open eyes and try and educate yourself by reading and talking to other adopters but I do feel it doesnt give a balanced view of adoption, as it really is a site for help and support post placement. Reason I am saying this is because I was brand new a year ago and nearly pulled out several times after reading all he problems adopted children face on adoption UK, only reason I carried on was using fertility sites with adoption included which has a more balanced view.
Anyway very best wishes, I hope you contact an L.A and obtain some information.

Ah yes funnychic I have heard other posters make the same comment. It's a shame really and I've never been on it, but it sounds like it gets you straight through to a sort of problem forum and as you say very useful post adoption, but not for people just thinking about adoption. I will have a look and maybe Adoption UK need to change their website, so information comes first, and not problems.

I read AUK lots and it's really really useful. Great advice and knowledge from people who have similar issues to me. I used to post there years ago, but I stopped and never started again. It was just too argumentative sometimes unfortunately. But the advice is second to none IMHO. If you want to know about one issue in particular, you can just do a search back and only pick up the threads you want to read

I do think this board here on MN is the best though I think it's pretty friendly here and balanced (I hope I'm friendly!!). Lots of us with very different experiences, plus I like hearing from the other adoption triad members, which you don't tend to get on some other forums. I looked at fertility friends a while ago when I was trying for a birth child and read the adoption forum. Very very friendly, but I thought it was perhaps unbalanced. I noticed people whose children had issues, tended to stop posting there, or felt they shouldn't post about any of their problems, which made me feel a bit sad.

Anyway, in the end it deosn't really matter, just go where you feel happiest and most welcome! I like it here, other people don't, and we're all happy in the end (hopefully) :)

OP - Don't worry, you meet the basic requirements. Like Devora said, the only autmoatic rule outs are big big things like violent or sexual offences etc. I know several adopters who have had anxiety or depression. It's quite common

OOPs - I mean Maryz, not Devora! Sorry

I friend of mine adopted having had a history of more than mild depression. She had a supportive GP which helped and social worker/panel were concerned that she had thoguht through what she would do post adoption if something similar happened - was she (or her DH) able to recognise the symptoms and get it treated quickly etc. They didn't have a problem getting approved and if she has suffered from depression since its certainly been well managed enough not to be noticable.

Thank you ladies. Im not sure if the cause of my anxiety will be a problem - basically my pregnancy sparked it off. But I was 18, in university and the father left me on finding out the news. It was hugely traumatic and I suffered from panic attacks throughout the pregnancy and for about 3 years after I gave birth. However I had CBT and now am more or less "fine", haven't had a panic attack in about 2 years. I'm hoping because the situation would be very different if we decided to adopt - settled down with a job and in a happy relationship. I can only hope my previous struggle with anxiety wouldn't hinder this route.

Doesn't sound too bad to me particularly if you can pinpoint the cause and if you would recognise the early signs of a panic attack now and would know what to do both at the time and ongoing (counselling always goes down well with social workers!)

Plenty of perfectly decent parents have panic attacks.

Although I am of course perfect, I doubt most adopters are...

A couple of other things that may (or may not) be relevant to you. I think all LAs would say being a smoker is a total no-no. Also, you must not be TTC. Some (not all) SWs will ask about your sex life in some detail and may want to know what contraception you are using etc.

Any potentially life shortening health issues would be a cause for concern eg. cancer, extreme obesity etc

Obviously any convictions relating to children and/or violence would be a no-no too.

Other than that it is mostly about whether you yourself/ves really understand what adoption is about and whether you are sure it is right for you. There are lots of horror stories out there and most LAs seem to major on the worst case scenarios early on in anyone's journey. But forums like this will help you get a balanced view. Yes, all the things you hear about can happen. But they wouldn't ALL happen to you.

Good luck :)

Thank you again for your replies. Wow sex life?! Ok lol that could be awkward! I have a child from a previous relationship, yet my current partner has zero sperm. I think at some point he would like to try IVF but regardless of the outcome I would love to look into adoption. After having my own ds I feel overwhelmingly protective of vulnerable children and actually think my experience of motherhood has made me more interested in adoption as opposed to the view that now I have my own child I'm not interested in adoption. I'm training to be an art therapist and hope to work with young children so the kind of kids I would be working with will most likely be very "damaged", maybe this will give me more idea about what adoption could involve.

Yep, that kind of therapy would definately give you some insights.

Another 'rule' (there are lots of these when you start asking about adoption) is a minimum age gap of 2 yrs between an adopted child and your DS. This means most LAs will not even want to talk to you until DS is 5 yrs old. However that is not a hard and fast rule, some LAs will assess sooner.

I would also say that if you are looking for a healthy child, under 5 years old then there is actually quite a lot of competition for these children. SS will try to put you off, you have to be resilient and really want to go ahead with adoption to make it through their interviews (eg. see the thread just above/below you at the moment).

So if you think IVF is an option for you then I'd really suggest you give that your best shot before you talk to SS about adoption otherwise they will just send you away. You need to be able to say either IVF is not for us, we are not going down that route or yes we have done IVF and it hasn't worked out.

Hope that makes sense