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Adoption

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Original poster

I have just spoken up for the first time ever and I'm feeling a little brave!

21 replies

LostInWales · 27/04/2012 10:06

Some one on my FB has just posted this, every time I see shit like this I think 'why, why is this funny' and feel a little bit sad inside. It's the same as when they talk about someone and their adopted daughter instead of saying plain 'daughter'. Anyway, I have sent her a polite and (hopefully) loving inbox message asking her to take it down as it is upsetting and rude to people who have been involved in adoption. With the usual grovelling 'it's not you, it's me being stupid and sensitive' guff because I hate any idea of confrontation. Anyway, that was all, I just thought I'd come here where people understand and share my moment as I told the dog but he didn't look remotely interested.

OP posts:

BlingLoving · 27/04/2012 11:33

Congratulations. I do love it when people stand up to people on fb or who so thoughtless. I know nothing about adoption except that the people I know who were adopted would certainly not consider themselves less part of the family.

brainmish · 27/04/2012 12:54

well done. i have seen that on myFb too, felt the sadness and not felt confident enough to say anything. pathetic I know. you should be proud.

Original poster

LostInWales · 27/04/2012 14:10

Thank you! I was a bit worried someone would tell me to get over myself . It's MN changing me, this compulsion to actually tell people it's not ok to do or say certain things.

You are right Bling, I am no less a part of my family for not being genetically connected than my cousins who are there by birth and I know none of them would think any differently, I actually think they might have forgotten!

Mind you I haven't heard back from my friend who posted it and it's still up on her wall...

OP posts:

Birnamwood · 27/04/2012 14:25

I know what you mean about the mn attitude of challenging things you think are wrong. I call it my mn balls :)

The other day someone posted on fb how they were sooo inconvenienced by someone committing suicide under a train :( as someone who has been affected by suicide I took offence but instead of inwardly seething and doing nothing I commented (possibly a little bit passive/aggressively) that maybe she was lacking in the compassion department and should think of that poor person and their family (this person on fb also knew what I went through when my df committed suicide). She apologised and removed the post.

I love my brand new shiny mn balls!

Well done you for challenging your fb friend :)

Kewcumber · 27/04/2012 14:48

I'd roast anyone who put that on their FB page so I could see it! My tolerance level to this kind of thing since adopting DS has zoomed downward.

I always say that if anyone refers to my "adopted" DS in my obituary (a favorite of the papers) I will be back to haunt them. I also like the line "your vaginally delivered daughter" in response to the "adopted" label.

Ignorant tossers.

Original poster

LostInWales · 27/04/2012 14:59

MN balls, I like it. So sorry about your DF though. It's funny, people spout so much about MN being evil, vipers etc etc, but it has taught me to challenge things like this and also to try and see things from someone else's perspective before judging. I love MN.

Oh Kew, if only I had the guts to try the 'your vaginally delivered daughter' line. Ignorant tossers indeed.

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 27/04/2012 15:07

What a sad and horrible little picture. Good for you!

Original poster

LostInWales · 27/04/2012 16:38

Wow, she has taken it down and said 'sorry and noted', phew, I knew she was my friend for a reason. She said she just really liked the babies on it and hadn't thought much about the caption.

OP posts:

Kristina2 · 27/04/2012 18:01

Result. Well done for speaking out for the adoptin community

Lilka · 27/04/2012 20:23

I've seen that picture before and it's really not nice. It's great that you spoke up and she took it down. Good for you

Moomoomie · 28/04/2012 11:52

Have not seen that picture. It's dreadful. Good for you for saying something. We need to educate these ignorant people.
Where do you order the mumsnet balls from? I could do with a pair.

Happyasapiginshite · 28/04/2012 12:54

O well done you. This was on my FB page too, posted by a fellow adoptive mother and I didn't have the balls to challenge it even though it bothered me. I'm off to get me some balls

Original poster

LostInWales · 28/04/2012 17:39

Posted by a fellow adoptive mother

OP posts:

Happyasapiginshite · 28/04/2012 21:07

Yup. I couldn't believe she could possibly think it was funny. I wish I'd had the guts to write something.

Kewcumber · 28/04/2012 22:02

Happy!!

iscream · 30/04/2012 04:16

This is interesting. My son's gf is adopted. Only child, very happy, loving home, adores her parents, very close to her entire family, very family oriented, she has the type of life anyone would want their child to have. A few years ago, on their friends birthday they baked a cake, wrote "Happy Birthday! Your're Adopted!" on it and left it on his steps, rang the bell and hid. His family was having a birthday celebration and everyone laughed their heads off, his mom insisted they join them, took pics of the cake even.
I thought it must be ok, since she is adopted and it was her idea?
I suppose it depends on the persons personality, sense of humour, and perhaps whether they have a happy home life, not sure?
Hope this doesn't offend anyone, I find it interesting, especially as son's gf is a very sensitive and highly moral person, the contrast of feelings over the same sort of humour.

Kristina2 · 30/04/2012 04:45

To me its like using the terms gay or spaz or paki as a " joke ". if you are gay or lesbian /have learning difficulties/are pakistani and use these terms ,does that make it ok?

Personally i dont think it does, because you are using them as a term of abuse of sowmthing derogatory. If its ok to be adopted, or gay, or asian,why is is funny to call someone tha t? Its because there are negative valuess associated with these things in our society. We dont think its amusing to call soemone straight or male or white or biological.

rhibutterfly · 30/04/2012 06:06

Good on you OP,my mum is adopted and my vile uncle has never let her forget it.My nan passed away 2 months ago and he was at his vilest right before the funeral, in the end i told mum to ignore him, he couldn't help being jealous that my grandparents were stuck with him but chose my mum xx

iscream · 30/04/2012 09:05

I understand what you mean Kristina, thanks for your reply.

Original poster

LostInWales · 30/04/2012 22:05

I think it's a fitting in thing as well iscream and Kristina, before you have the confidence to be yourself fully there is always a bit of 'being a good sport' to fit in with the gang.

I had another sad moment this weekend in a film I was otherwise really enjoying, one character was defending his brother as he was family (ok he was Thor but bear with me ) and the next character points out the brother had just killed people 'he's adopted' was the quick fire reply leading to much hilarity in the cinema. Even DH and the boys were laughing. I made a sour face but got over it very quickly as Iron man was talking to the Hulk [very shallow emoticon]

OP posts:

Kristina2 · 02/05/2012 09:55

I agree lostinwales, its hard for young people to stand up against any kind of prejudice , racism, sexism, whatever. And even harder for young people who have less confidence or alreday feel like outsiders or they dont belong

We all find it hard as adults to speak out , as the OP says, for fear of being thougt oversensitive or ( the worst fault ever in britain) " not having a sense of humour". Ad when you see the kind of vile hate speak against woemn that is all over the internet this week, its easy to feel that you are making a big deal over nothing

But of course, one type of prejudice doesnt make another ok

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