Childcare experience and anything else

[Karbea]

Hello,

DH and I have no experience of children really apart from friends children and Nephews etc.
I realise we would need to gain this experience before we applied to start the adoption process. I'm thinking joining the Brownies as a support person, and volunteering at a school - would this be enough?
What else would we need to do in preparation?

Thank you.

How far into the process are you?

Have you stipulated an age group?

Do you have knowledge of child development/issues of emotional damage etc?

Your SW should be able to give you good advice or even your Local Authority, if you have not started the process.

We haven't started the process at all, just considering options at the moment.
We are likely to be about 40 when we start the process so i'd imagine we would be looking at an older child (which actually I think we'd both prefer - although we know very little about it all at the moment).

Would the LA/SW be happy to advise us even if we weren't ready to start yet?

Your best bet at the moment is to go to an information evening - call a couple of LAs to see when they are - I think my LA hold them about four times a year. You'll get a lot of questions answered there, and then if you're still interested they'll visit you at home for a chat - if they think you need more experience there should be enough time to get some in while you're waiting for the workshop and then homestudy to begin. It can take a really long time, and there's no harm in finding things out now.

I volunteered at a nursery school one day a week on the advice of our social worker, can't say it prepared me much for the realities of parenting though it was good fun!

www.adoptivemummy.co.uk

oh PS my hubby was just approaching 40 when we started the process and our sw said we were considered young for adopters! Our daughter was nearly 2 when we adopted her.

www.adoptivemummy.co.uk

Skylar I've been reading your blog, thanks. I assumed we'd be looking at a 5+ child but that was purely guesswork on my part.

Its hard to know really, when we first phoned ss they told us they would not talk to anyone who wanted to adopt a child under the age of 5 so we assumed older, our sw said it was just a way of making sure that people weren't going in expecting to be guaranteed a baby.

www.adoptivemummy.co.uk

Umm, I don't think I had to go through that part. Personally, I don't think it makes much difference. Most of what I found extremely useful for parenting adopted children came via my own bad childhood and I think most people use their childhood experiences as a main influence in their parenting. I was just luck (or unlucky) enough to know what it is like from the other side.

Indeed, I am a teacher and I have to say if used the same disapline and behaviour techniques used in normal comps etc and did normal parenting etc at home I would be failing my son badly. In ten years of teaching I have never come across a child with AD or RAD but this is because they are normally in special schools within the 1st few years of starting main schooling.

I think the poster who said "Do you have knowledge of child development/issues of emotional damage etc?" is spot on with this question. This is what really counts and where the most important information comes from. I would suggest something like volenteering for horse riding for this disabled or something which involved children from care. It is not just disabled people who attend but also children who have RAD and AD which are the main conditions children who have been abused or neglected badly especially in the 1st 2-3 years suffer from. Especially if you are adopting a young child it is important you understand these conditions as you cannot completely tell in the early years if a child's behaviour or "strange ways" are just slow development and immaturity due to neglect or something that will need lots of effort, time and expert intervention to overcome. My daugher is doing extemely well but my son has AD and you cannot parent children who have these conditions in the same way. I have to parent my son quite differently to my daughter as the front his brain (to do with emotions and realtionships with other people etc) is very different so traditional sanctions like time outs, taking their toys away from them etc have no effect on their behaviour. They can only help reinforce for a short time that you are not happy with their actions.

I must say that adopting for me is the most rewarding and fantasic experience of my life (even though looking after and fighting for my son can be difficult and worrying at times). I wish you well and hope you get the same enjoyment out of adopting as I have - good luck.

Would the LA/SW be happy to advise us even if we weren't ready to start yet

Yes they would and would be able to recommend where you need to start, as this is going to be different for everyone.

I don't know what you know bout the whole 'Looked After Child' system, but to gain some knowledge would be useful.

Some LA's are much better at others for trainingand giving information about Emotional damage, there is going to be issues (all of which can be overcome)of attachment and attachment to present caregiver.

The better prepared that you are, the easier you will find it. The same with behavioural issues. The child may have some contact with birth family, even after adoption.

Whilst volunteering will give you some experience of children, i don't think that it will be useful when dealing with a child with issues.

Sometimes as well emotional damage can mask SN and vise versa, so give yourself an overview of both.

My collegue has just adopted a child of 2, they are in their 40's, the child has letterbox contact with the family, some of whom live in the same LA.