Step parent adoption- the first visit!

[topbannana]

We recently begun the process of step parent adoption so that DH can adopt DS (7) Spoke to SS at length and finally decided this is the correct procedure for us. DS's birth father is perfectly happy with this

So we sent a letter (recorded delivery) to SS and waited, it took nearly 4 weeks for them to acknowledge it and then another 4 weeks for anyone to contact us (given the fact that SS have only 13 weeks to compile their report and her visit falls halfway through the 7th week, perhaps they think its a rubber stamp job. Conversely they may already know that we only attend PTA meetings out of obligation and that DS is a huge fan of Top Gear so are not too bothered as they have already written a shitty report about our deviant ways )

Now the SW is coming on Wednesday for an initial meeting while DS is at school and we have become unaccountably nervous. On paper everything is in our favour, our sitting room is not garnished with dead dogs, we are clean and hard working folk and DS is a happy and well adjusted child who adores DH and is the most keen for this to go ahead.

Today though saw me in Tesco wondering what fruit I should buy in case she inspects our fruit bowl, and I even splashed out on some new toilet sticky things in case she should be caught short while on her visit. Who knows, I may even wash the kitchen floor properly instead of swooshing round the edges. I should point out that DH and I are the most laid back people you could ever meet, not at all prone to hysterics or panic so this is most out of character. Any advice or encouragement would be great.

And we still have 6 days to go.................Lord help us!!!!

You'll be fine! I guess the step parent assessment process is similar to the assessment process we went through, just with discussions focused on a known child rather than a hypothetical? In which case, relax and be yourselves, just be ready to answer some probing Qs about your motivations and how you might feel in the longer term as well as now.

biscuits are, as Maryz says, essential. But only the right ones. You will not know what the right ones are, you just have to guess - much like parenting really.

Biscuits? Shit!

So theres desperate and theres cheap and I should aim to fall somewhere in the middle? I should maybe try and get some of those little paper doilies to put on the (bone china) plate then

We even had a hair cut yesterday

Well, you were probably going to fail the assessment - but now you've had an haircut you'll be fine

Jaffa cakes used to always go down well with our Adoption Team.

We have recently been through this.....slightly different as we are gay, and dp has to adopt our children, and no donor permission needed. But called a step parent adoption(even though she has always been their parent). We concieved before the law changed.

I got really worked up about the first visit...so much so I wanted to call it all off

SW was lovely. Talked to kids, asked us about our history, how we met, the donor etc. She was here maybe 30 mins...it was easy and flew by. She came another time, just to see kids rooms, ask about finances etc. she came a third time too if I recall....and we seemed like old friends at this point. She wrote her report, sent it to us to check details etc, it was glowing! Then we had to wait for disclosures and medical records....and she then submitted it to the court. Now it's up to us to get in touch with the local court and get it all signed sealed and delivered!

So much easier than I ever thought. Although we still need the court to find adoption in our favour....although I guess if SW recommends it, then we don't have too much to worry about. Though I will worry until its all official.

Our experience was very similar to Cunning's. Our Sw was lovely, came to the court celebration hearing and still send Xmas cards. Have a great time talking about your lovely DCs.

Maryz - I feel irrationally pleased that I had the last word on that thread!

Thanks ladies, advice much appreciated. House is spotless, chocolate hobnobs at the ready and the dog is marooned on his bed, terrified to move in case he drops a hair :o
Nothing to do but wait with fingers crossed and hope the cat does not drag another rabbit in while shes here

Think we got away with it, I rubbed the dog on the carpet and kicked all the shoes into a heap- no ishoooooos here!

SW was very nice but today was mainly CRB forms and other identity checks for both of us (a CRB check for my own son ) Apparently the report writing is so onerous that SS now leave it until we have applied to the court in case we change our minds and their work is wasted. Once we apply to the court we have to let them know and they would then have around 6 weeks to do all their questioning and report writing, but they simply apply for an extension to allow them enough time. We willl now not see the SW until we apply to the court, which due to holidays will not be till the end of June.

Glad to have got it over with but a wanton lack of patience has left me gnashing my teeth slightly! Thanks for the kind words, the support was much appreciated :)

And after all my careful research and planning she never ate a single biscuit

did she ask for a glass of water then not drink it?

No, she had black coffee, perhaps she didn't trust that my milk is really organic She did ask to use the loo which was quite cunning as shes now had a good shuftie at the rest of the house, good job I picked the dirty trollies off the floor then :o