Saw a terribly sad story

[PineCones]

Whilst trawling the net looking at adoption procedures. Not sure if I can make it clicky as I on my mobile but will try. www.guardian.co.ukworld/2007/dec/13/china.northkorea?mobile-redirect=false
So terribly sad. Can't help but think, what were they thinking!! They had her from when she was 4 months old- how could there be anything in the child's personality or the family dynamic other than what they have created themselves.

Sorry couldn't finish the sentence- mobile window for typing cut me off.
But this does make me a bit and very

Absolutely shocking.

Sorry rant alert as I post yet again. How could they give up their own girl?!?
Can't help but think "Since adopting her the Poeterays have had two children of their own" had something to do with it.

{hoicks judgy pants up further}

I thought the same thing actually when I read that part about their own children also. Poor child sounds so displaced with no natural home & how can they look to the Korean community when she doesn't speak Korean?? I really wish her all the best and am astounded people could be so cruel (at least that's how it reads).

There was a very similar case here in Ireland a few years ago. Here's a link to the story.

www.independent.ie/lifestyle/parenting/the-curious-case-of-tristan-dowse-1632465.html

The couple were ordered by the court here to pay him a lump sum and a monthly maintenance amount. The baby ended up back with his BM.

Before becoming an adopter myself, I would have agreed with you. Now, I think that disrupted adoption is a hugely complex and difficult issue, and I wouldn't judge until I knew way more about the case than what is presented here.

Devora- fair enough. I can't presume to have that perspective.
Happy- that story is so heartbreaking. Though it has a happy(ish) ending at least. Reading about the poor boy sobbing his heart out after he was returned was horrible

Sorry if I came across as all slapping-down-my-credentials. I don't have any direct personal experience of this (and hopefully won't - my adopted daughter is still very young) but other MN adopters have had horrendous times with their much loved but very damaged children. Even children who were placed very young.

I suppose the thing we can't know, from this kind of report, is whether this is a couple who basically saw their adopted child as more disposable than their birth children, whose love for them was conditional and convenient. Which is of course awful. But it's also possible that they adopted a child with terrible problems (attachment disorder? fetal alcohol syndrome? PTSD?), tried everything, and in the end couldn't cope and thought everyone would be better off if she was placed in a more therapeutic environment - exactly as sometimes happens with birth children. We just don't know, do we?

But you are right that it is heartbreaking. That poor, poor child.

Devora- you didn't come across that way at all, I assure you. I genuinely have no experience whatsoever in relation to adoption.

Its a very old story. Reading between the lines there was a great deal more going on which we aren't privy to.

Alternatively they just weren't good enough parents to her in her situation.

Though I find it strange that you can't imagine anything about a child that might be genetic rather than environmental or that a child changing parents, language and country even at 4 months might have long term issues with that.

It is very sad but I can't judge based on a couple of paragraphs in a newspaper.

I can't see how her dietary requirements are an issue. Just give her what she will eat.

Kewcumber- my not being able to think of things is mostly due to my complete lack of experience in this regard.
When Devora mentioned foetal alcoholic syndrome, I realised there might be things I had prejudged had not thought of.
It's still very sad though and I suppose I was surprised that it had taken 7 years to come to this conclusion.
Then again, no clue about adoption. Heck, even parenthood.

My issue with judging the parents in this case were that there was little information released (at the time or since) the only information was released by the Korean consulate, everyone else has remained stum presumably given the confidentiality issues of the child.

Children of 7 are taken into care all the time sadly and its not always because the parents have been inadequate. I seem to remember that she has been fostered not sure if readopted though.

The Netherlands has a good record of preparing parents for adoption and a very good track record with intercountry adoption (from memory) but maybe they bypassed this mechanism as they were abroad when they adopted.

If they genuinely didn't want her then I suppose it was better for them to give her up than to keep her and possibly be abusive towards her.

Just to correct you on a factual thing Maryz - the OP's case isn't a "current" one - it happened in 2007 I think a couple of years before the Tristram Dowse case which I remember well. Another difference is that there a great deal less information publicly about the Hong Kong/Netherlands one than the TD case so really very hard to assess the truth of the matter - though we might all privately have our own suspicions. In the Dowse case the way the parents behaved was difficult to defend and it was a matter of public record and the I seem to remember the Irish officials had a way of making their opinions known!