School work - Aaargh!

[misspollysdolly]

DD (12 - in year 7) has come home with a piece of homework today that has made me really mad and I don't know firstly whether my reaction resonates with anyone else and secondly what to do with regard to school. It's a piece of science homework and they have clearly been looking at genetics, etc. The homework is to produce a written/drawn/illustrated 'family tree' - featuring themself as the subject - showing where they get their features and traits from showing the difference between genetics influences on appearance/health/personality etc and environmental influences.....what a practical and emotional minefield for any adopted children...!! DD has been very good about it and was very mature in her reaction to it. I was probably a lot less mature and felt completely livid! Another girl in DD's class (who is also adopted) asked what you should do if you were adopted and couldn;t do the piece. The teacher said to go a speak to her if it was impossible for anyone and that she would help them find a different way of preseting it (making up a person, or featuring a famous family, etc) - so now my DD and the others in her class have not only had their 'I can't source my family tree' buttons pressed, but they are being given a 'special' piece of work to really press the buttons extra firmly, and relatively publicly too...

DD has attachment issues and even the setting of such a piece of work - let alone actually attempting the work, and scrabbling around for pictures of birth family etc - is enough to seriously unsettle her and press her buttons big time. DD has told us that in her class alone there are two adopted children, one boy in long-term foster care and another child whose Dad died a few years ago - all of these children at least may well find this piece of work difficult, painful, uncomfortable or impossible... I know I've not really explained my own reaction or feelings on this very well or fully, but I guess I just wanted a little rant about stupid, irresponsible, insensitive pieces of work, set by naive, ill-informed and insensitive teachers who have no fore-thought at all....GGGRRRR!! Should I try to communicate to the school about how this sort of work might/does affect children like DD? I have said to her that we will help her to do an alternative presentation over the weekend (we might use a famous family and will help her fairly closely - which we never normally do, but I think this requires our support) but bless her, she was all for finding pictures of birth family (looking at these normally make her cry ) and then going in to school to explain to her teacher why it was so limited...I am cross that she has been put in this position. AIBU to have felt so strongly about this...? Anyone else encountered similar school work issues, especially in secondary school...?? MPD

Yanbu to be furious I'm a laac education worker and things like this make me furious for the yp I work with! Well done to your dd for handling it so well.

What a coincidence, JustMe- I'm an advisory teacher for children in care; and I completely agree with you.

This is a lazy, thoughtless piece of work for the school to set. PLEASE raise it with the school. It seems as if there is a lack of training for the teachers to be so ignorant of the issues facing the children in their (or any) class. I would raise this with the head, actually, as it is a whole school issue.

Unfortunately, pieces of work like this are set too often. There really does need to be more training for teachers on children in care/adopted children/attachment issues.

Does this still happen? 25 years ago my biology teacher tried to use me as a case study for genetics... "golemmings, you have red hair. Do your patents have red hair". "dunno miss, I was adopted at birth". She was utterly mortified.

It is something you have to get used to though. Three times I had to tell the optician last week that I didn't have any family history of various things because I had no family medical history...

Yes, please do raise it with the school. This is SO thoughtless and insensitive; you can't let it pass.

Yes, definitely go see someone at school!! Really insensitive. Sadly, things like this happen all the time, but we should still challenge it.

My DD2 was doing 'evacuation' in her last term of mainstream school. Teacher told them to write a diary as if they were being evacuated and to 'imagine the feelings of a child having to leave their family, and what it would be like if it happened to you'.....DD2 was distraught because it brought it all back to her. Teacher did NOT get it.

Definitely raise it with the school! I'm a primary school teacher and it sounds like it is a really insensitive piece of work to set. I can understand how your daughter's teacher has got a curriculum to follow etc. but any capable teacher with half a brain would have thought of other ways to achieve an objective as we always have to be so careful of any personal issues surrounding all of the children in our classes.

My 11 year old (year 7) ds has just had to do this. I have 2 long term foster dc and an adopted dc. It really made me think about how I will handle this when the other dc have to do it.
I agree it is very insensitive and think you should be raising this issue with the school.

I remember when my middle daughter was in year 4 they had to do some family history work, I went into chat to the teacher to mention it may upset her and bring back memories. Her response was, " so? I have got two others in the class and their parents have not said anything"
So unprofessional. Which then got me wondering who the other children were!!!

The thing is though, a teacher just shouldn't be putting any child in this position. A teacher with even half a brain cell knows that in every class there are children who have complicated families. There are many children who don't know who their bio father is or have never met him, many who live in familes with step siblings etc who they may share no genetic connection with, some who live with someone they believe they are genetically related to but they aren't. Teachers shouldn't need to know the family circumstances of anyone to make a sensible guess that there will be some dcs in their class for whom genetics is a potential minefield.

The solution is so simple. The teacher just has to say 'choose a family and draw their family tree. It could be your own family or any other family you know - the Beckhams, the Royals, the Obamas etc.'

The fact that the teacher in Miss PD's case didn't do this is shocking. PLEASE say something to the school.

Thanks for your thoughts everyone. I definitely hear that there will inevitably be things like this coming up all the time - and believe me we have probably the same kind of issue every school year since Reception one way or another, and generally have faced them with positivity and openness to talking about the issues they raise for ourselves. We are also still in the process of working out how to liase with teachers etc now that DD is at secondary school and therefore our dealings with school are much more remote.

I think it has got me more than normal, partly because of the insensitivity of the piece of work - as others have said, it doesn't take much thinking to realise that this could raise issues for a great many children for a wide variety of reasons. I think it's pressing my buttons because of the particular peculiarities of our family - the piece of work is asking to identify the differences between genetic traits in personality and appearance etc and those caused by 'environmental' factors. Although I will write a relatively restrained letter to school, what I want to say to the teacher responsible is that DD gets her blond hair and blue eyes from her birth mother, and her big feet from her tall birth father - all clearly genetic factors - but the 33% of her body that is scarred from a non-accidental scald injury at the hands of her mother's boyfriend would clearly come under 'environmental' factors. Buttons pressed? Yes, a little. I don't often revisit my own feelings of sadness and anger over DDs early life, but for some reason this piece of work has really tapped in deep for me, if not for her.

As it is we have decided to just get on and do the work before I contact school and will be using Michael Jackson and his totally mad family as the subject. I agree slambang that perhaps the teacher should have set this as the piece of work in the first place for all of the class, thus remove the anxiety that being the 'first-person' subject for any children in the class. MPD

O misspolly . Your poor dd.

Sorry, I'm not often so candid about the details of DD's early life. Put starkly it's pretty shocking, I know. Please please believe me, though when I say that DD is for the most part an entirely normal and overall happy 12 year old child. Her injury actually brought her out of a dangerous place (which would have got much worse - absolutely no doubt) into safety and care. She drives me mad at times and her attachment disorder is very hard work, but we are very proud of her and easily become a lioness if her well-being requires it

The next time someone comes on here to suggest that the predominant reason for adoption is 'possible future emotional abuse' I swear I shall throw a brick.

Oh Misspolly, I have just read your last two posts with tears in my eyes.
All of our children have been through so much to get to be with us, somewhere safe and secure. It too makes me cross and frustrated when our so called nurturing schools upset our children.
You should definitely write a very strong worded letter.

Agreed Devora and Moomoomie :(

This isn't the first time a poster has dealt with such school issues and sadly it won't be the last due to a lack of education and common sense in certain teachers, but I know the women on this board are the best possible advocates for our wonderful children, and we make pretty good lioness's IMHO :)

OK, so the school work is done (due in tomorrow)...now to write a letter to school

Our children would find it pretty difficult too -they're donor conceived. I think they'd handle it well, but I can't see that there's not another way to tackle it. Why should a teacher dictate when my children discuss their genetic heritage? It's a non secret but fairly private thing in our family.