How can I find put about adoption within my family?

[Molehillmountain]

More than thirty years ago, a child was adopted out of our family. My parents have never been good at telling me the truth about things in my childhood and I have learnt not to rely on their interpretations of events. I now have three dc and I am about to have second set of cbt/ counselling sessions. I'm sure that the angst I'm feeling now about my ability to be a good parent (never questioned by anyone except me) especially to dd1 comes partly from her being the same age as when db was adopted. As much as I know it was to do with my mothers mental health issues (bipolar) and db being settled in the foster care in which he'd been placed. But it gives me so many questions-were things different then? What exactly caused him yo be removed? Why wasn't I removed too? And many more. Until I was a parent I hardly thought about it. Are there any avenues I can explore without talking to my parents? Books I can read about care then and now? Ways a sibling can find out about their own past? Im not sure how wide I want to open pandora's box but I think I might have at least to find out if there is a key.

Dear Molehill, from what I know your best bet would be to contact the adoption social services team in the local authority you grew up in. They will have the old files and the information about where your brother was placed and why. You can have a conversation with a social worker about the process of finding out more about your brother. However I think that in order to share any of that information, they would need to assess whether it would be appropriate to contact him first to ask for permission. It's a lot of unknowns, but calling your local adoption team (in the area where you grew up) would definitely be the first step.
Until the 80's and even 90's contact between adopted/fostered children was often completely overlooked and relatives very often lost touch. Who knows why he was removed and you weren't, but today almost certainly all children in the family would be removed if one is. BAAF (British association for adoption and fostering) have a great website and many excellent publications on adoption and fostering. Hope this helps a little, let us know how you get on

Hi molehill, im sorry to hear you arr so anxious and worried andi can understand that yui want to know more about your family history.

Howvere, adoption records, much like medical records, are confidential.court records too are sealed for 60 years.

Adoptees have the right to infornation about their birth families but this right is not reciprocal. You have no right to any details about your brothers adoption, such as his new name .Im sure you will understdn this is to protect adoptees rights and privacy.

So if you want to discover the circumstances surrounding your bothers afoption you will need to ask your parents or other friends and family who might be willimg to tell you.

If you wish to trace your brother, you can use the adoption contcat registers for the country in which the adoption took place

You can, as lou suggests, contcat your local social services, but they may not be teh relevant agency. There were many voluntary agencies who also placed children, so you shoudl contact any which operated then. If they have since closed, their records should have been kept by anther agwncy or SS. Im unsure what information they will be able to give you, without your parenst and your brothers consent.

Im sure you wil want to discuss witn your counsellor if you want to go ahead with such a search. It can be very difficult and painful for everyone concerned.

I hope you can find a way forward that helps you with your distressing feelings

Thanks for your posts. I'm pretty certain that this doesn't have to do with finding my brother. I see that as his journey and I would only become part of that if he started off on it. It's more to do with what happened before and after the adoption to my family. I am unwilling to discuss with my family because I would probably not get an accurate account of events and I don't want to delve that far into locked away stuff. We have some kind of equilibrium, albeit a bit troubled. I do wonder about approaching some family friends but I worry about the position this puts them in regarding telling my mum I'm asking. So hence the thoughts of trying official routes. I think I'd actually be happy for now finding out about how and why, how frequently etc adoptions took place in those days. Certainly things are different now-I wonder whether then less importance was placed on keeping children with birth families. I may be being naive, but I am certain that our family set up was nothing like any of those featured in the recent series about social workers in Bristol.

If you are just lookimg for general information on adoption in the 1980 then, as lil suggest, there are plenty book and articles around on this. I hope you find the information you want