Wow weee......what a bloody week!!!
Monday: DSs 1st half day at nursery. He cried and shouted Mama for 15 mins. I could hear him all the way down the stairs and my heart just about broke.
Wednesday: Assessment for Safebase training. DS was more anxious than i have ever seen him and went into total meltdown. We did eventually manage to calm him down and then did the assessment which was really stressful as it was being filmed.
Thursday: Feedback from assessment and although they said that 2 of the activities we were the best they had ever seen, the waiting too see what they thought was excruciating.
Friday: DSs second half day at nursery. DH took him as i had to go on a full day training at work, so at least i was spared the meltdown but i knew he would likely meltdown and knew DH would also had to cope with the upset of me leaving in the morning (he took 2 hours to calm down). He spent most of the time when he was in the house going to see whether my car was there and saying "Mama gone".
To top it off yesterday was the court date for adoption order and (surprise, surprise!) his SW dropped a ball and didn't write BMs correct address on the forms, so it didn't happen. She also took 4 1/2 hours to ring us and let us know. In fact, when she did ring it was returning DHs call as he rang to find out what had happened. New court date set for mid Feb.
The anxiety this week for all of us has been horrendous and i just want to sit in a corner and cry buckets. As his Mum i am supposed to try and protect him from all this trauma. I feel like a total failure this week as all his stress has been caused by us (even though i know that i have no choice about sending him to nursery as i am back at work soon, and the Safebase is hopefully for his benefit in the long run).
DSs anxiety and upset was heartbreaking. We are going to try our level best to make him feel more secure (hence trying the SafeBase training) but this week has just been a stark reminder that try as i might i may never be able to make things right for him. I know i need to find some better strategies to cope with that knowledge.