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Adoption

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Advice on dealing with questions (anyone with experience of WISE UP?)

12 replies

Kewcumber · 12/01/2012 14:20

DS handles conversations about his adoption pretty well, we have rehearsed in the past what he says when people ask why he doesn't look like me or why he doesn't have a Dad. And it has been relatively fine with his peers as they have been too young to enquire too much.

For example - questions about why he looks different have been dealt with just be saying DS was born in Kazakhstan and lots of people who were born there look like DS. Works pretty well with 3/4/5 year olds.

Why don't you have a Dad - either "we don't have a Dad in our family" or "My father lives in Kazakhstan we don't see him"

Teacher has told me that it came up in his group about why he was adopted and he explained "that having a baby was very hard work and not everyone can do it so I grew in someones tummy but she was very young and I live with my mum now" - which I actually thought wasn't too bad an explanation as off the cuff ones go from a 6 year old! I'l skate over the part where he appears to think that his birth father is still living in the baby house DS was at...

Anyway one of his friends on way home to play at ours raises the adoption thing again and asks the same questions he has asked before. I think DS is losing patience with it although the questions aren't malicious they do emphasize to him that he is different and he doesn't like it being discussed publicly (very happy to talk to me about it).

So I think the time has come to teach him a way of telling people he knows (not strangers) that he doesn't want to discuss it.

I seem to remember from reading that its one of the WISE UP options - how does a 6 year old say nicely to his friends/class "I don't want to discuss it - its private" when most of them have no concept of the meaning of private at this age!

Sorry thats a bit of an essay but its bugging me.

OP posts:
Lilka · 12/01/2012 17:20

I'd be very interested in respnses, as I'm experiencing pretty much the same with DS now (DS is 6, nearing 7). He's mostly fine with strangers but doesn't know how to tell his friends to back off without offending them. With DD's they were old enough to have responses like 'I know you mean well, but I don't really want to talk about it' - but of course that doesn't work with 6 year olds! I told him to say 'I don't want to talk about it' but he was worried about saying that and wouldn't tell me why?

Kewcumber · 12/01/2012 20:21

Lilka - is he in Yr 1 or 2?

OP posts:
Lilka · 12/01/2012 20:55

He's in Yr 2. To be honest it's worse now than in Y1, because they're more inquisitive, and DS is not confident. I think a more confident boy might be able to deal with telling them to back off, but he seems to be very fearful of any kind of confrontation. i don't think there would be one, nad they might lose interest, but he doesn't think so

ReneeVivien · 12/01/2012 23:12

I'm looking forward to responses too. dd2 is too young to have to handle this, but dd1 is finding the constant questioning very difficult.

KristinaM · 14/01/2012 20:49

I dont want to talk abiut it any more

My mum says i dont have to talk aboutit if i dont want to

Please stop talking/asking me about it

My mum says that if yiu need to knwo anythijg, youve to ask her ( this one good for adults, although a bit lomg for a 6yo)

Wise programme v good for when he is older( not sure of minimum age)

Kewcumber · 14/01/2012 20:51

I think min age is 7 from memory - he will certainly be going asap as he is a "talker" IYSWIM, his problem is knowing how/when to stop!

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 14/01/2012 20:52

"My mum says i dont have to talk aboutit if i dont want to" - this might be a good one for him. Think I will have a chat with him about it tomorrow - should work with adult and children, friends and strangers.

OP posts:
KristinaM · 14/01/2012 21:11

Sorry i cant find my WISE handbook. Although i did find a large pile of out of date magazibes and catalogues for the recycling so still a useful exercise Grin

Thanks kew for reminder of new year resolution no. 37 " clear out study" and no38 " be more organised"

KristinaM · 14/01/2012 21:11

Sorry i cant find my WISE handbook. Although i did find a large pile of out of date magazibes and catalogues for the recycling so still a useful exercise Grin

Thanks kew for reminder of new year resolution no. 37 " clear out study" and no38 " be more organised"

Maryz · 15/01/2012 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KristinaM · 16/01/2012 09:22

Wise book here

ReneeVivien · 16/01/2012 10:20

Thanks Kristina - I'll get that.

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