would this rule me out straight away?

[tiptoptally]

My DP and I are in our mid 30's and considering adoption (or surrogacy). But I'm terrified I may be rejected right away as around 7 years ago - in a very confused time in my life - I took drugs, twice. It was so out of character for me that I told my gp and it's now on my medical records. I'd never done so previously or since.

But I guess this would be enough for ss to say no right away? :-(

Not at all. Adopters aren't superhumans and I am pretty sure lots have experimented or tried drugs at one time or another

7 years is a lot of time. You do need to be prepared to answer questions about it during homestudy yes, but it's unlikely to rule you out completely. They may be slightly more iffy if it was a class A drug but even then, if you haven't taken anything since..

And then there is at least one poisitive of this I can think of-
A lot of kids try drugs. Are you, as a parent who has tried drugs, likely to go mental and off the wall if your child does the same, or be more reasonable and understanding?? My guess is the latter. Could be of benefit to your future children

The trick with difficult past experiences is to pull the positives out from them - in this case, hopefully you can talk about how you dealt with that difficult time. Also you went to your GP and got help - this is good because it shows when you need help you go and ask for it rather than suffering in silence. Lots of adopted children do need support and their parents need to be advocates and go and seek it out. And lastly as I said, teenagers taking drugs is not uncommon, especially among those with traumatic backgrounds as adoptees have, so hopefully your children will benefit from having a mother who has also dealt with that and speaks from some experience when she talks about drugs

The only thing is, you need to have dealt with whatever was causing you to try drugs before. Adoption is very stressful and can cause problems so SW's like to be as sure as possible that you have dealt with anything likely to cause any more problems later

i would imagine it would depend what sort of drugs it was, but I am guessing as it was only twice it will have been party drugs and I am sure this will have come up before for the social workers.

Thank you for the replies. I'd actually had a mini stroke at the time, and was so confused I was putting dirty dishes in the washing machine, and letters in the toaster, so when I met someone and he said this would "help".......after using it (serious, class A, drug) twice, even in my vulnerable state, I realised this was a total no-no and got myself out of that situation.

I can see a positive in it all, I used to be very judgemental of people who used this drug, but now I see how easily someone who is vulnerable, for whatever reason, could look for an escape through drugs. And I understand the appeal. I've learned that "good" people can do "bad" things - it doesn't make them a bad person. Just a person in need to support to change direction.

Thank you all again - I've got it in my head that we'll only be allowed to adopt if we're "perfect" and keep thinking of ways that we're not, we're just normal people :)

Do you have a good relationship with your gp? Is she/he sympathetic tp your adoption plans? They may not even mention it in your medical report.There are questions about your regular use of drugs /alcohol/tobacco but im nit sure if one off use years ago would be covered

Any health problems would be an issue if they were likely to recur or may affect your ability to bring up a child

I have a really good relationship with my gp, she's very understanding and has known me for around 9 years now, but I also know there's no way she'd lie on a form for me, if any specific questions were asked! My specialists are also very supportive and have already written letters confirming they would be happy for me to adopt with my health issues. We discussed my health at length with the social worker who came to see us, and she ran it past the sw/dr (?) who would have the final say, and they have said, in principle, it wouldn't be a problem. I'm back to working full time, driving, totally normal life etc, tho do take medication daily.

If we were to be turned down, I think that would be it on the baby front for us, and the idea of that is devastating. Although I'm not making us sound particularly great, I really feel we have a lot to offer!!

I didnt mean that your gp would lie, just that she might not think it was relevant. Given that it was a while ago amd a one off.

You do appreciate, dont you, that you are very unliekly to be able to adopt a baby, unless you are black or have good connections with SS? If you are approved for a baby it will be for 0-2 years, and tnere are many more white families seekijg to afopt a healthy baby or toddler than there are such children available. So this wont be the same as having a child born to you.

Most children needimg adoption are balck or mixed heritage, or have special needs , are school aged or are in siblimg groups.Your sw should be able to tel
You what kind of children are waiting in your area

Kristina is right, it does depend on your area but there are very few to no healthy white babies, certainly nearly none under 6/7 months old. There are quite a few white babies with drug and alcohol exposure and resulting medical conditions, family histories of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder etc, and certain physical special needs. Those things especially alcohol exposure can have an impact on the childs brain and development. But there are almost 0 children voluntarily placed for adoption, so if you are wanting a completely healthy child then surrogacy would probably be the way forwards

Tiptoptally - Have read your posts and I would hope that a good social worker will look for the positives in the way you have handled and overcome the challenges you faced after your illness. From what you have told us it sounds as if you dealt with your problems brilliantly by seeking professional help from your Doctor. Not everyone has the strength to overcome something like that.

I do not agree that most babies available fer adoption are black or mixed heritage ( although I admit I am only going on my own experience in my county and do not know the national statistics) Kristinas experience must be very different to mine.

It clearly differs depending on the area you live in. I have adopted two healthy white babies and I am friends with four other couples who have done the same in my area. I am also friends with three foster carers who foster new borns and have seen all of their babies placed with adopters. All were white healthy babies.

It is true that you are unlikely to adopt a child under 6 months - both of mine were 10 months and we were considered lucky to get them that young! It is also true that there may be babies with drug and alcohol exposure ( my dd was born drug dependent but is healthy and developing well , meeting all her milestones etc)

The best way to get an idea of the types of children available in your area is to attend an information evening run by your local authority.It will cover the realities of adoption and you will get to meet other adopters who will share their experiences.

If you do decide to adopt try and go into the process with positive thoughts. Think of all the things that you know will make you a great mother. Social Workers can often be deliberately negative to test your resolve ( my SW admitted that to me)

Whatever you decide to do I wish you well.

We're actually not bothered about adopting a baby. We'd like to adopt a set of siblings, up to age 6. My parents fostered under 5's throughout my childhood, and I trained as a primary school teacher (often working with LAC)so I've had a little experience of some of the challenges that these children can bring.

Adoption was ALWAYS in the life plan for me - long, long before the health problems that make a pregnancy life threatening. Yes, we'd like a surrogate to have (genetically) "our" baby, but adoption would still be on the cards.

We have been invited to start a pre-adoption course in the new year with social work, so I'm looking forward to that, I guess we'll find out an awful lot more then. Thank you for all your views and experience, it really is much appreciated!

I only mentioned the baby issues as you said that " that wouold be it on the baby front For us".im pleasedto hear that you arr open to adopting a sibling group and i wish you well

Great news about the pre-adoption course. I really enjoyed mine and it really helped me understand the needs of an adoptive child. I hope you find it as positive an experience as I did.