Previous Partners

[JulieW123]

Hi

I wanted to consider fostering/adoption however my ex partner who I have a child with is very against the idea. He says adoptive children will have difficulties and does not want other children around his child who lives me. However, I am confident I can provide a loving home for another child and my ex partner sees his own child irregularly. If social services contact him he is likely to try and put them off anyway possible, does anyone know how much weight will they give to what he will say? The kind of thing I imagine he will say is that the child would watch TV or eat take away for example, he would point out every bad thing I suspect and will not give a glowing reference as it is not in his interests to do that. However he would not be able to put forward any serious complaint or reason as to why I should not adopt and just would like to know if anyone has experience with this situation. Thanks

Hi

I don't have any experience as I'm single, but ex-partners are interviewed a lot. They can tell the difference between someone being malicious and someone being truthful. I don't think you would have anything to worry about with regards to him telling lies about you, they would see through that.

Now, honestly, most adoptive children do have difficulties of one sort or another. Educational, emotional and social delays, and sometimes needing speech therapy or OT or similar. You do have to be prepared to parent a traumatised child who needs more intense parenting, different from that your birth child would need. You have to be prepared for the effect this could have on your BC. Your ex is right when he says most have difficulties. That said, many children have very successful adoptions in this situation, but you have to have realistic expectations going into it. :)

Thanks a lot xx

Don't forget, they will also want to know how your child feels about it if they are of an age where they can articulate themselves.