In 5 days we'll know if we are able to adopt a little girl

[lettinggo]

I won't go thorugh all the process that's brought us this far, but we're 6 1/2 years in the process.

In 5 days time, on June 30th, we're going to find out if we will be able to adopt a little girl from Russia. She must be made available for domestic adoption until June 30th and after that will be able to be adopted internationally. She has some minor health issues, as far as we know nothing hugely serious, but apparantly Russians don't like to adopt children with health issues. She's been adoptable since she was 2 months old.

For the past month we've known about her and have been told that if she doesn't get adopted domestically, we will be allowed to adopt her. In my heart I know we should be hoping she gets to be adopted domestically because that would obviously be what is best for her but it's hard not to hope that it doesn't happen. I'm just not that good.

And now there's only 5 days to go and she's still there. I'm not at all religious, I certainly don't pray. But I remember years ago doing a novena (type of prayer service you do for 9 days where you pray for a specific thing) to St Francis Xavier and the words are rattling around in my head

"but if what I ask is not for the glory of God and the good of my soul,
I pray and desire that which is most conducive to both"

Might not make sense to anyone not Catholic but it's a comfort at the moment.
Sorry for the ramble. I wish I could go to sleep and wake up on Thursday at 1pm (close of business in that part of Russia).

Of course im readimg, Happy!

Everythijg sounds really positive. Her comprehension sounds really good, you must be reaasured. Lots of children her age arent speakimg much yet, let alone those who are post imstitutionalised AND have changed language.

Glad the book is useful, its v practical

You asked abiut mothervand toddler group. I woudlnt yet. One thing to have two visiting children in her own home. Another to have a dozen in a noisy church hall. Might be too like the baby home. She has alreday met a lot of new people, with grannies , visitors, neighbours etc

Its lovely to get so many gifts isnt it? i suspect people arejust sonpleased that he has found her forever family and you have found your DD.

It must be hard on your ds. In soem ways he is still just a wee boy and needs his mum. I have a 11yo DD who has never been an only child, she is very close to both her little brothers. And still she says that sometimes she wishes we didnt have the boys or dad and it was just the two of us. So it must be a lt harder for your ds. Impossible to compete with the cuteness of a baby sister

It's amazing how much they understand isn't it :) I think it's really important to talk to them about stuff, because whilst they might not understand, they might and will much more quickly if they are talked to all the time :)

Most older DC feel just the same as your DS - two I am close to are 9 & 16 months and while the older one dotes on the smaller one - she also wishes he'd go back where he came from sometimes too

Another question for you wise women.

My dh's parents' 50th wedding anniversary is in 4 weeks. They live abroad and are coming home for it. DH's family are all going to a hotel a 5 hour drive away for two nights to celebrate. When DH was talking to MIL on skype last night and telling her how well dd is settling, she said 'O that's marvellous, Happy and dd will be able to come for the weekend then'. All along we've said we'd play it by ear and see how things are at the time. They haven't seen dd yet. They wanted to come in Jan to see her but dh said no. It would have meant them staying with us and I wanted to keep everything the same for dd. Also I couldn't face the thoughts of snidey comments from MIL about how I was mothering both children

I don't like my MIL, nor she me, although we're both nicely two faced and carry ourselves off in each other's company to make life easier for dh and ds. The thoughts of spending 2 whole days and nights in the company of dh's family doesn't thrill me. They drink quite a lot, I drink very little and never in front of MIL (in case my tongue gets too loose) and find it incredibly boring to be in their company when they're all drinking. So I don't want to go. Dh would prefer that I didn't go - he always drinks loads when he's with his family and can't relax if he thinks I'm pissed off. He wants to go alone ( ds would need to go to bed by midnight at the latest, dh is a total nightowl.

Reasons NOT to go:
*The drive is very long and dd has only done short drives. I think it would be too much for her.
*The rest of the family would all be out for dinner and drinks both evenings, I'd be in the hotel room with dd on my own.
*I don't like MIL
*ds would be very tired the following week in school

Reasons TO go:
*ds loves getting together with his cousins. We did the same thing when FIL turned 70 and ds still talks about the fun he had.
*It is a big occasion for the family. MIL has booked a session with a photographer to have a family portrait done.
*dd would probably be fine. She's very sociable so I think the only real difficulty would be the car journey.
*FIL was very sick the past couple of years and has now made a full recovery. He's a lovely man and I like him a lot.

Is it too soon to be changing dd's surroundings? When is it ok to go somewhere with her overnight?

Forgot to add: DH's sister got married abroad 7 years ago and I didn't go, DH went alone. I was in a mess in my head at the time. I was at the end of the IVF road and really having a hard time dealing with it (ended up going to counselling which was the best thing I ever did). I explained to MIL and SIL why I couldn't face the wedding - the thought of all the nosy ' Isn't it time you had another one?' questions from dh's relatives- but while they were both on the surface ok about it, I've had it thrown at me every chance they get - always nicely nicely but with venom underneath. MIL hated that people were speculating about why dh was there on his own- she loves to present the perfect picture to the world.

So I feel they would think I'm a bit of a killjoy again.

Much as I want to disagree with your Maryz, I think you're right. I do feel it's a moment in time and who knows if it will ever happen again that all dh's family will be together like that. I just googled the hotel and they have s/c cottages (westlodge hotel in Bantry, looks lovely) so I'll book one of those and as you suggest dd and I will meet up when we can and do our own thing the rest of the time. I'll offer it up!!

I rang MIL and now I have to eat humble pie. I said we were going and I was going to try to book a cottage. They have a cottage booked already and she said we can have their cottage and just to book a room in the hotel for them, it would be much cheaper. She's thrilled we're going- I suspect she thought I might back out. So that was very kind of her.

Great idea to stop off at fota. I'll borrow my sister's zoo card because that covers fota too! We're going to take ds out of school at 12 and go cos dd sleeps around then. I'm sure he'll be devastated to miss a half day of school

Well, that's all sorted then :)

I hope you have a lovely time (well, at least can make the most of it). It will be nice for DS :)

Have you tried any of the play groups yet?

Thinking of u and praying for u and not even religious, hope hope all goes good for you and what a lucky little girl to get u xx

Ooh. Have a good time away. On one hand it will be nice to be at a family do as a complete family after all these years. On the other hand you will have to make sure dd is stuck to you like glue, so well meaning relatives don't try and grab her for a cuddle.
Have you got one of those hippy chick hip seats? I used one for dd3 and it helped, I actually used to use a sarong type scarf and " tie " her onto it at times.

I don't think DH's family will be too grabby with her, apart from MIL who DH will warn prior to the weekend. TBH, dd is a very sociable little girl and will smile and engage with people but she won't go to anyone, her choice. She sat on my dad's lap for a minute or two and she let my sister hold her for a minute but they're the only people she's gone to (or that I've been happy for her to go to). and she sees them at least 3 times a week. So I don't think she'll allow anyone to grab her. She's very well able to communicate without words and doesn't like anyone touching her, let alone holding her. She's been known to slap someone's hand away if they get too in her face.

Funny MIL story: My ds is a quiet child and when he was a little fella, we used to always tell him he didn't have to kiss or hug anyone he didn't want to, but to always have manners and shake hands. Probably as a consequence of this, he has quite a 'personal space' bubble. He's only really tactile with us and my parents. One time, MIL came for a visit - remember she lives abroad so he only sees her maybe twice a year. He was about 3 years old at the time. She came into my kitchen with arms wide open for ds. He was sitting on the couch and as she got close, his eyes got bigger in terror. When she got right up to him and was swooping in for the hug, he stuck his hand firmly out in front of him to shake hands! I laughed but MIL was NOT amused.

Another funny story that happened yesterday. My friend's 3 children were staying with us for the weekend. Her youngest is 4 and is in love with dd and full of curiosity about adoption. We also had their lovely dog and this morning, the dog was giving dd licks. Little M hugged her dog and said 'DD might not understand you Fido, she's from Russia.'

How very cute :) Both your DS & the little visitor!!

Looks brilliant. I like that the child is not strapped in. DD is very very busy and won't stay in the sling any more. She thinks she's missing too much and just cries to get out now but she still wants me to carry her loads. She must spend at least 3 hours a day on my hip - it's wrecking my back and my arms ache every night. I'm hoping I'll have Madonna's arms in a couple of months if they didn't have all the fat on them

One final little story, sorry if I'm boring you all but she's just so darned cute!!

Dh was feeding her fruit this morning - well, morning for him. 11am the lucky bastard. Anyway, she ate her fruit and then wandered off tormenting the poor dog playing. The dh put on a slice of toast for himself. She went over to the kitchen counter and called him over, pointing up at the counter. He handed her a piece of orange and she looked at the orange, flung it on the floor in temper and roared at dh pointing up at the counter again. She wanted CARBS and the fool wasn't listening. She'll go far that girl!

Enough rambling, I'm off to bed.

It is so wonderful and heart-warming to hear you chatting about your dd's little ways

I love hearing your stories too. Please continue to fill us in with all dd's antics.
I found the hippy chick invaluable, as I suffer from a bad back anyway.
I bought one from eBay very reasonably.

You really shouldn't encourage me, I can hear how boring I am but I can't stop myself.

So today I visited my aunt (home now from hospital). Dd tripped in her sitting room and rolled over as she fell. I said a loud 'oh dear, let me pick you up.' For the next 10 minutes, she kept pretending to fall, rolling over with a big smile on her face and putting her hands up for me to pick her up. So so cute!

Also, when she's going to sleep, up until last week she slept with her back to my tummy, facing out, but this week she's turned onto her side cuddling up to me, so she's looking up at me when she's falling asleep. It makes my heart explode when her little eyes are just gone and the she drags them open, looks up and smiles through her soother. There is no feeling like it in the world.

Not boring at all - just lovely

I remember so well my dd's little faces as they were falling asleep tucked up next to me.
During introductions with dd3, she fell asleep on my chest. The FC said to put her down in the pram. I decided to just let her sleep on me. The smile she gave me when she woke up, is etched on my heart.
Special memories. Tuck them away.

Also. I am waiting for your book to be published. It will be a best seller.

The last thing you are is boring - I could hear about this wee girl all day and still not get enough!!

How is DS doing with it all now?

I'm so glad I found this thread again. What lovely updates.

Just found this thread. So lovely. Wishing you all the best.

I miss sleep. I'm overjoyed with dd but if I could wave my magic wand I would wish for 12 hours of unbroken sleep. I'm 11 years older than the last time I had these broken sleeps and I feel every one of them!