In 5 days we'll know if we are able to adopt a little girl

[lettinggo]

I won't go thorugh all the process that's brought us this far, but we're 6 1/2 years in the process.

In 5 days time, on June 30th, we're going to find out if we will be able to adopt a little girl from Russia. She must be made available for domestic adoption until June 30th and after that will be able to be adopted internationally. She has some minor health issues, as far as we know nothing hugely serious, but apparantly Russians don't like to adopt children with health issues. She's been adoptable since she was 2 months old.

For the past month we've known about her and have been told that if she doesn't get adopted domestically, we will be allowed to adopt her. In my heart I know we should be hoping she gets to be adopted domestically because that would obviously be what is best for her but it's hard not to hope that it doesn't happen. I'm just not that good.

And now there's only 5 days to go and she's still there. I'm not at all religious, I certainly don't pray. But I remember years ago doing a novena (type of prayer service you do for 9 days where you pray for a specific thing) to St Francis Xavier and the words are rattling around in my head

"but if what I ask is not for the glory of God and the good of my soul,
I pray and desire that which is most conducive to both"

Might not make sense to anyone not Catholic but it's a comfort at the moment.
Sorry for the ramble. I wish I could go to sleep and wake up on Thursday at 1pm (close of business in that part of Russia).

You're not alone there NunTheWiser.

I'm so glad that al you're all together for Christmas. I hope you have a wondrful time. Congratulations.

I have been following this thread and wanted to say how wonderful that you are all home together. Looking forward to your updates. Wishing all of you a very Happy Christmas together.

Me too Nun
ImHot I love reading your updates. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas.

How wonderful that you are all home, what a great Christmas for you all!

Well from the highs to the lows...

DD woke every hour or so, screaming hysterically and taking no comfort from me at all. Eventually, I tried giving her a bath because she loves the water but she was still upset. Then we gave her some food and she savaged it. The poor little scrap was starved with the hunger, as my mother would put it. She ate loads, is still wobbling around with a Farleys rusk in her hand with the dog following at a safe ( diss ;dkmmncfdmíz,m8z9fdn.;;;; - I'm leaving this is as a record of dd's first contribution on Mumsnet!!!) behind her eating up the crumbs.

So I'm officially a stupid mother. I feel so shit that I didn't work out that she was hungry. I'm totally sleep deprived- I've had about 8 hours of sleep since Monday - and I've never been so tired.

(Part 2, 2 hours later) DD is a happy bunny again. The food revived her and she's running around the place again smiling and laughing. On the advice of my wise friend who's a year ahead of me with her son, I'm not in her face. She reminded me that we're probably exhausting her with the constant attention and chatter with her.

Will return later. Too hard to type while she's around

DS ate until he was sick for the first 3 months. It took a while for the food thing to settle down and he drank copious amounts of water. In fact until he was about 2 he always had a sippy cup of water within arms reach - he had previously only been able to eat and drink to a schedule.

You will learn what her cues are - why should you instantly know them? Particularly as you're probably not thinking very clearly at the moment!

Someone once told me that they should have adopted because you don;t get the seep issues and the feeding issues!

Welcome home and merry Christmas.

Aww, that sounds lovely. I'm so happy for your whole family.

Great that your DD is already contributing to MN too, it's good to start them early.

Congratulations on your new DD and thank you for sharing your beautiful story with us. Merry Christmas x

Congratulations
Hope you all have a lovely day tomorrow xx

I've just read this whole thread as it popped up in active convos. What a journey you have been on! So pleased your dd is home for Christmas. Wishing you a merry Christmas and a very happy new year! Peace be with you.

Delighted you are all home for Christmas. Hope you enjoy each other's company, settle into happy new habits and have a wonderful 2012 getting to know each other.

As for bad mother moments - you'll know from your DS it's all about being good enough, perfection is a very unhealthy goal for humans!

I recall spending a couple of hours trying to work out why my DS was so upset one evening, comforted him to no avail, gave calpol etc. He finally fell asleep after a lot of tears and distress. It occurred to me about an hour after he passed out that he hadn't had his big drink of warm milk; the drink I gave him every night before teeth brushing and bed. For the previous 16 months. D'oh.

Oh, Merry Christmas IHNYH. What a beautiful, beautiful story. I wish you all the best

Ah, finally managed to sit down and catch up with this. So glad you are all home.

Shit mother my arse, I still don't work out DS correctly half the time and he's 4 he's still a happy soul............most of the time

Have a lovely Happy Christmas all of you

Woncerful news, glad you are all home safe

Your friends is right, you must be careful not to over stimulate her. You cant treat her as a " normal" 14 month old, she is post institutional . She needs lots of time and routine to cope with all the changes. Nice quiet days at home, no visitors if possibel, no trips out. No tv etc ( assuming she hasnt had it beofre).remember ordinary thijgs like a car journey or trip to the shops will be completely overwhelming for her. The garden and playimg with her db with A FEW toys will be quite enough for her

Good luck

I was hooked with the Xmas/new year well to be truthful a little later than newyear!! miracle that was Little Kew.
I was equally hooked with the Xmas miracle that is Baby IHNYH!
5 years gap between adoptions but both are equally thrilling, a new little one in the family, is always wonderful.
Congratulations to you all, and to all of your family, I wish you a fantastic new year and a wonderful new life. x

Ok, we're officially in our honeymoon period. I love her and she loves me. She woke this morning at 6.50. Her cot is right beside me. She just sat up, looked across at me and beamed. How could I ever have worried that I wouldn't love this child? It's a slower burning love than the instant love I had when ds was born but by god, I love her already. We're starting to get to know each other.

So in the one week that she has been our daughter, she has learned to recognise herself in the mirror. She gives kisses. She was never used to eating food by hand because she's always been spoon fed. After watching us at a couple of meals, she figured out that she could put food in her mouth herself and now loves nothing better than a Liga or Farley's rusk in her hand. Whatever we're eating, she has to have a little try and makes herself very loudly heard if she doesn't get it! She ate a great Christmas dinner yesterday. She loves "this litle piggy went to market..." and squeals before I even get to her last toe. Apart from the first night at home when she was really distressed, she allows me to cuddle her back to sleep when she wakes in the night.

She's hasn't been as clingy to me the last couple of days. She'll move out of my arms to play on the floor and will toddle and crawl away from me but I can't move away from her, she cries and comes after me and puts the hands up to be picked up. Still, it's great that she's confident enough to move away from me. She loves to be held (by me). She absolutely LOVES her big brother and he is officially the nicest child in the world. He is just lovely with her. I knew he would be but I didn't realise how much he would really enjoy her. He keeps saying this is the best Christmas ever because he got his sister and a laptop, I'm not sure which is more important and I'm not asking.

Dh is not as popular with her and although he was expecting it, he's finding it hard to be pushed away all the time. She'll smile and laugh and play with him but all from the safety of my lap and if he tries to hold her, she immediately puts the arms out for me which he knows is great but he's feeling left out.

I know it won't always be as easy as it is right now but I'm just enjoying the loveliness of her. I'd forgotten how completely and utterly gorgeous it is to have a baby fall asleep in my arms (which is how she falls asleep always, I haven't tried putting her in her cot awake yet apartfrom the first night when she was probably in shock and just went to sleep)

PS Maryz, great idea to print off my posts here. I think I'll print off the whole thread. I think she'd really enjoy reading all the lovely messages here when she's all grown up.

Hot - did you cover how children bond in your prep course? Just in case you didn't your DH might be reassured to know that the way it works normally is bond with primary carer first then through primary carer (ie by trusting primary carers judgement) with secondary carer and so on into the wider family.

I know it doesn't help with the emotional side but at least he can be reassured that playing with her with you is exactly the right thing to form a bond with her.

Glad to hear its all going well.

Poor DH - I can only imagine how hard this is for him. No matter how much you know it's OK & the way it's going to be etc - it still hurts. You just want them to love you & trust you ... as much as you love them. Still, he can be reassured he will get his turn when only Daddy will do

Your DS does sound totally lovely... I'm pleased it's all going well. (You are wise not to ask questions you might not like the answer to!)

It sounds like DD is settling in really well & you are doing a great job (we all forget to feed them occasionally ).

When are DH & DS back at work/school?

Yy to bonding wity mum first

Also she probably didnt have any male carers in the dietsky dom

Oh YHNYN, I've managed to hold it together for the whole thread but your last post brought tears streaming down my face. What a beautiful image I have in my mind now of your daughter beaming at you when you awoke this morning :) And she is so lucky to have you all as her new family, and a big brother who will always be there for her.

Will continue to follow the thread, I wish you luck and happiness in your new future as a family of four. Magical.

What wonderful updates. I'm so pleased for you all, and your DH must find it tough but at least he'll know it's 'normal' for what your DD's going through. Your DS sounds fab, and I'm sure I know which of his Christmas presents he prefers :)

The stages of bonding is so true.
When my eldest dd came home aged 2.6 , she would not let DH do anything for her at all, it was all " Mummy do it. ". He could not even pass her a drink, he had to give it to me to give to her, slowly over time with lots of patience, she began to trust him more and more, now, they are all daddy's girls.
So pleased you are all home and all is going well.
Definitely print of this thread as a keepsake. Or, if you are too busy I will happily do it for you and send it on.