Reference for friend who is hoping to adopt a child

[Moog72]

Hi - I was wondering whether anyone had any tips they could provide when providing a character reference for my friends who are hoping to adopt. I have been asked the following questions:

a. In what capacity and for how long have you known them?
b. If you have children, how they have interacted and related to the children?
c. Their child-care experience, if any, and any related strengths and weaknesses.
d. How they might cope with caring and parenting a child.

e. Any concerns you may have about the safety of a child placed in their home.
f. The stability and permanence of their relationship.

g. Any other information that you think may be helpful to the assessment.

Some of the questions are straightforward but I want to do the best I can for them as they are lovely people who will offer a child a wonderful home. I am struggling with how much to write and what kind of things they will be interested with, in particular for quetions d and f. Any words of wisdom??

Just answer their questions and do it truthfully but from the heart.

I know this is a fantastic resposibility and its great that you are taking it so seriously. The truth is always the best bet as lies are easily foiled and over the top gushing can be seen as a bit fake.

Good luck to you and them!

Yes I agree. It is only you who can answer the questions - based on your personal experience of the prospective adopters. The truth is the way to go.
Good luck x

Think of the qualities they might need to bring up a child who has been traumatised. Then give examples that you have seen in your friends

Eg they are very patient and understanding. When my marriage broke up Mary spent hours listening to me when I was very upset. I must have told her the same things over and over Again but she never complained or told me what to do or feel. I realise now that she cancelled other social engagements to be there for me

You don't need to gush on about how much they love children or how hard they have found it dealing with infertility ( if that's the case). Don't say how awful it's been for them to see all their friends have kids etc

Social workers are looking for families with the capacity to parent a child or children who have been traumatised, through neglect and abuse and / or removal from their birth family and subsequent moves in the care system. Making the sw feel sorry for your friends because of all they have been through isn't really relevant.

You need to focus on their characters and personalities and also how their life experiences have helped then become who they are.

HTH