Tips on supporting BIL/SIL who have just been approved?

[KTisPG]

I've just heard that my BIL/SIL have been approved for adoption and am absolutely thrilled for them. Are there any tips on how to support them now and what to tell my DCs (5 and 3) about their new cousin(s)

Congratulations to them and to you....you're going to be an Aunty! My best of best friends are the adoptive parents of 4 siblings (they came as 2 then 1 then another 1) who also have an older sibling living with different adoptive parents. What you do and how you talk to them and others will need to be discussed with them and will also depend on the age(s) of the cousin(s)....my friends have followed a policy of total openness and frankness with the children and all around this avoids awkwardness and the terrible possibility of 'finding out' later. The agencies and social services are very clued up on this and will no doubt have given your in laws some info....perhaps you could ask to borrow it?? or get hold of some for yourself from local social services? As far as practical support....you remember the first year after your DC's were born???.......I suggest casseroles for the freezer, cakes, offers to do ironing, the odd bottle of wine and an ever willing ear as they talk about the newest members of your family.......LOL

Mumsnet, coffee groups and alcohol where what I thought of LOL

Okay...I advise not asking them every week 'any children yet?' It can take anywhere from a few days to two years or more to find your child, and then you have to go to meetings, panel etc before you can meet them

I wouldn't mention anything to your DC's yet. When you find out they are soon to be meeting new niece/nephew, then you could tell them they are getting a new cousin. I would simply tell them that 'x needed a mummy and a daddy because x's birth parents couldn't look after x'. I didn't tell my relatives much more detail than that because it's my childrens private story. Please don't ask them for details of their childs life, because it is private

When your niece/nephew actually moves in, then is the time to offer any practical help they need e.g. ironing, or walking the dog, as it's pretty overwhelming at first, and things like that tend to go a bit out of the window. I'm sure they'd appreciate practical advice like 'such and such pushchair and carseat was great for me', but stay away from parenting advice, because being an adoptive parent is totally different from being a birth parent, you have to use different parenting techniques quite a lot of the time

You sound like a very caring SIL yourself, just offer to be a listening ear if they need one, a practical help if you are able to do that, and celebrate when they become parents (some of my relatives ignored me when DD1 moved in because she wasn't a cute baby, and I didn't give birth to her :( )

Thank you RVL that's very helpful. I'm trying very hard not to be too excited for them just yet :o

Ummm yeah - what Lilka said and tell her about mumsnet - I started posting before being matched with DS and it did make me feel a bitmore part of the paretning world otherwise you kind f get parachuted in wihtout all teh contacts people make at antenatal classes etc.